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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect someone at ds's nursery to say hello on arrival and take him to see some toys

90 replies

mumtocuddlebundle · 04/06/2012 14:38

I feel slightly put out by this and just not sure if I am being unreasonable or not.
DS 2.5 goes to a daycare nursery 2 afternoons a week. Its just a chance for him to play etc as I find it difficult to get out to playgroups with infant as well.
I drop him off after his nap, at just after 2pm. And sometimes when we go in we are completely ignored. Sometimes one or two of the girls will look up and say hello. But then go back to what they are doing. And sometimes, if one of the more friendly ones are there they will come over and say hello properly. But sometimes nobody says anything. I have on occasion had to go and say do you mind keeping an eye on ds to check hes ok. Cos although ds is generally a happy boy and drops off well. I like him to feel welcomed into nursery. And I like to feel someone is aware he is there, so he isn't forgotten about.

The other day I dropped him off and there was not much in the way of toys out to play with. Ds looked a bit lost and not sure what to do. So I said to one of the girls he was looking forward to playing with train set. And she said 'sorry its just the toys that are out' And didnt even say hello to ds.

Surely when I am paying £25 for an afternoon session it is not unreasonable to expect to be welcomed in by someone and for them to find a toy that ds is interested in? I genuinely don't know though, cos I am not used to this nursery stuff as this is my first dc.

OP posts:
babybythesea · 04/06/2012 15:41

Don't beat yourself up though - if you've not done nurseries before then this would be the norm.
They can't use the excuse (if they try!) that he's dropped off at funny times.
DD sometimes gets dropped off at 8.00am, sometimes at 9.00, and sometimes at 12.30, depending on my working hours. There isn't a set drop off/pick up time - it's child care that is open from 7.45am until 6.00pm and your child is there for the time frame that suits you. Children come and go all the time. And I still haven't experienced the issues you have.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2012 15:49

YADNBU.
It sounds awful actually.

Mine (have three) went to a few nurseries over the years and I was always careful to vet them partly based on how they interacted with my children. A proper greeting for the kids, help them with their bags, coats etc.. if needed then a 'come on in babybamboo, your friend trex is here today and he is playing with the trains' etc...

This is not a good sign IMO.

Out of curiousity, aren't you greeted when you go in? How do you get in?

Original poster
mumtocuddlebundle · 04/06/2012 15:58

There is a code on the door which I enter and let myself in.

OP posts:
ataglance · 04/06/2012 15:58

Please don't feel upset, I didn't (and probably still don't) know what is expected at pick up and drop off at nursery. I hope my earlier post didn't come across as smug "our nursery is great" was just hoping to support you in that what you have experienced is not normal or acceptable.

If your DS seems happy and settled and you'd rather persevere I'd definitely find out who his key worker is and have a chat. DS1's nursery keeps a folder for each child with photos, observations, artwork they've done etc. Do they do something similar you could look through? At every pick up I always ask one of the staff how DS1 has been that day and they usually volunteer a few pieces of info. For example, he enjoyed cutting out and sticking, he didn't eat his peas or even funny things he's told them.

Best of luck, hope you manage to sort it out. I'd definitely have a word with the manager, you can't be the only one feeling this way and they may not even know about it.

heliumballoon · 04/06/2012 16:00

The 'unusual time' thing is not an excuse. When I drop my DD1 at nursery one person always greets her by name- but usually more, often three or four, and they will comment on her haircut, teddy, new shoes etc. Same when we leave, lots of goodbyes. A bit chaotic yes, but cheery. If she looks lost I take her to a member of staff and they always take her to an activity to get her started.

It sounds like a thing which is deeprooted in your nursery, not being v interested in the kids Sad- not something which can be easily fixed. Does your DS like it there?

Original poster
mumtocuddlebundle · 04/06/2012 16:08

He does like it there I think. And we've noticed things they've taught him like learning to tidy up toys and how to take off his own jacket etc

OP posts:
Scarredbutnotbroken · 04/06/2012 16:10

Yanbu. Dd is always personally greeted and the NNs hang around as I'm leaving ready to swoop in if dc gets upset or clingy etc. if you start to tell them she is under the weather or has some other specific requirement that day they drop everything to listen and make notes as appropriate.
This is how it should be

themaltbycrew · 04/06/2012 16:36

I work in a nursery were a staff member opens the door and stays near it till the parent has left. Parents can and do talk as long as they need to at arrival, the child is greeted personally and asked how are you, before entering the nursery.

If a child is new or unsettled the parent will go in with the child and help them settle for a while.

part of being a childcare provider is parent partnership and there doesnt seem to be a lot of this in your case.

I too suggest asking for a word with the manager, you can do this very calmly by just saying "excuse me could I have a private word with you" (phone up and arrange a time to do this if necessary).

Although Its great to hear how happy your son is, you clearly arnt, and I know I wouldnt be comfortable leavig my dcs in a place that didnt make me happy.
xx

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 04/06/2012 16:45

Yanbu

monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 16:50

YANBU, that sounds wierd, I've used 3 nurseries and even the not great one always greeted us and we had a little "handover" - like I'ld say if he ate much of his breakie and they'ld ask him if he wanted to come and join in with some of the activities going on

they ALWAYS greet him by name

monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 16:52

and FWIW my DS "seemed happy" at a shite child minders which I moved him from, he is a happy child, he was much happIER at a better nursery, then had to move to a slightly rubbish nursery, where again, he was happy enough, till we had to move him again and then he was much happier at what is now his current nursery

maybe your child is like mine, happy to be with other kids, but some nurseries make him extra happy and others dont but he still appears fine?

Damash12 · 04/06/2012 17:32

Ihaven't even read all the comments but change nurseries and I'd probably write a letter of complaint. How bloody rude, my son has gone to nursery since 9 months old (he's now 4) and they always greeted him and took him from me and asked what he'd like for breakfast. Admittedly some of the young girls where a bit dizzy in my opinion but dizzy in a cheerful always bright and giggly kind of way which little one was happy with. I would NOT pay good money for my child or myself to be treated like that. Hope you find a better place soon.

Rubirosa · 04/06/2012 17:38

That sounds so weird - awful that they don't say hello, no excuse for you not knowing if/who his keyworker is. Just because a nursery has a good rep doesn't mean it is any good!

Quip · 04/06/2012 17:41

choose another nursery

ErikNorseman · 04/06/2012 17:42

They sound crap. I've never experienced that with a nursery and I'd be pissed off too.

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2012 18:49

Parents have a door code?

How secure is that??

Original poster
mumtocuddlebundle · 04/06/2012 18:54

Nannyogg, we've often wondered that ourselves.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 04/06/2012 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 04/06/2012 19:25

Oh don't send him back there! Poor thing...thats NOT normal in a good nursery...he WILL settle in a new one....better that than keep going to a shit one where you are too scared to complain!

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2012 19:31

It isn't secure, they have no way of knowing who has the code. And to top it off with no greeting, then presumably any bugger could get in.

Change nurseries!

monkeymoma · 04/06/2012 19:33

I viewed a nursery where parents have key codes, the manager was all "oh its becaue WE have nothing to hide, unlike the OTHERS who like warning before you see what they're doing with the kids" Hmm
I don't have the code for DSs nursery but can see through the glass door before I ring the bell, they're not HIDING anything they're just keeping track of who is in the building!

SkiBumMum · 04/06/2012 19:38

We are always greeted too. We go through to room and she gets a hug more often than not. It's part of what makes it feel on to leave her there tbh.

SarahBumBarer · 04/06/2012 19:42

Well we have a fingerprint entry system at the entry to the grounds and again at the entry to the actual building. Parents are conscientious about not holding doors open and I am hugely appreciative of the ability to come and go in the nursery as I please so a non-manned system would not of itself cause me concerns.

As for the rest YANBU. Also all the toys in DS's nursery are stored at child height so they can get out whatever they want but part of what I like about it is how his key worker greets him in the morning - she always seems so pleased to see him - and he reciprocates.

SarahBumBarer · 04/06/2012 19:44

I suppose the difference between fingerprint and keycode is that they can keep track of who is in the building and short of sawing off my finger and handing it over, I can't give it to someone else in the way you can a code.

QueenBoff · 04/06/2012 19:44

I will not say anything about levels of false acceptance rates/ false reject rates in large nurseries with biometric systems ....