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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this guy weird?!

96 replies

MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:30

Just to be clear, I'm really not insinuating anything with this post, just that this seems strange and I wonder why he's acted like this.

DS is 10 wks old. A guy I had a fling with about 3 years ago and kind of kept in touch with (ie a phone call every few months just to say how are you) has been calling more. He's been asking to see me and DS, and if we would both like to stay at his house (I've said no). He's also been asking me to send pictures of my son which I haven't done as I don't see this guy anymore and thought it was a bit strange.

(I am single btw so not inappropriate for him to call or whatever)

But this is weird right?

OP posts:
FeakAndWeeble · 31/05/2012 22:34

What is it exactly that you're worried that you're insinuating? And if you're insinuating nothing, then what is it you think is weird?

But fwiw there's absolutely no way I would ever send photographs of my child to anyone I didn't know well or who had no reason whatsoever to be involved in his life. I wouldn't see the point and I would ask him outright why on earth he wants to look at a picture of someone else's 10 week old child when he's nothing to do with him or me.

StellarforStarofAfrica · 31/05/2012 22:35

I personally would steer well clear, especially as you say 'fling' as opposed to x year relationship.

Trust your instincts, they are usually right.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 22:36

has he said "aw, lets see a photo of the baby?", which would be a perfectly natural thing for a friend (male or female) to ask another friend..

maybe he is a nice guy who thinks it would be nice to see you.. I dunno, it doesnt sound particularly weird to me.

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:37

Well it's pretty obvious what I'm worried about insinuating and an unhealthy interest in children isn't an accusation I'd like to throw around generously.

Not so much worried about this guy as I'm obviously not going to put myself in a strange situation with him, but it is weird behaviour is it not?

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 31/05/2012 22:38

He's weird.

HerHissyness · 31/05/2012 22:38

I don't like it.

Trust your instincts, they're tripping for a reason!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 22:39

The only thing I cant think is that he is trying to worm his way in and thinks it will win him brownie points or something?

I always ask for photos of friends babies, ooo dunno.

It is odd. If its making you feel funny its right you trust your instincts.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 22:40

Yeah its weird actually.

ineedanewstart · 31/05/2012 22:41

maybe hes one of those blokes who likes kids..... you know likes them, thinks they are cute, sweet and adorable.

not one of those nasties

mabe hes regretting not turning the fling into summat else, and wants you to know that a baby 'doesnt write you off'?

Maybe hes a good bloke????

bucketbetty · 31/05/2012 22:43

I think its highly likely hé wants to be part of your lives and is still attracted to you. I wouldn't be too worried to be honest, but if you're not interested in giving it a go with him I would give him a wide berth.

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:43

I wondered that too Pickle, but seems strange that he's choose to do so when I've recently had someone elses baby?!

Wasn't so much the pics that made me think wtf, but paired with asking for us both to sleep at his house it seemed weird.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 31/05/2012 22:44

Don't mean to be funny like, but photos of other people's babies just aren't that interesting unless you're the parents or grandparents. Most babies just look like, well, babies and I would take it as being well strange if a male aquaintance suddenly started asking for photos of my baby Confused

Trust your instincts. I had alarm bells ringing for several years about my late husband's best friend. Turned out he'd been abusing his daughter for years. I could never put my finger on what was wrong about him, but when I found out I was shocked, but not surprised Sad

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 22:45

Yeah do you know that's the thought that came into my head which is why I followed it up with a weird.

If he wanted a bit of poom poom surely he would see if you could get a sitter?

The more I think of it the more odd it seems.

hiddenhome · 31/05/2012 22:47

Paedophiles do target single mums Sad If he wasn't asking you to stay over when you were on your own, then why would he suddenly start asking because you've had a baby? Hmm Tell him to naff off.

hiddenhome · 31/05/2012 22:48

Any ordinary bloke wouldn't want a baby around on a date. They usually can't be bothered with babies. In fact, it's hard enough getting a dad to spend time with his baby, let alone some random bloke.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 22:53

I must know some really odd blokes. I have friends who are/were single parents, they met men who did show an interest in their child, and welcomed them as a package. They are decent blokes who did not expect the woman to dump her child in favour of seeing him, and they are most certainly not paedophiles.

I can only wonder if some of you have read too many Take A Breaks, or just dont know many decent men who treat women with children properly.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 22:54

Agreed. Especially on the first date in ages.

lovebunny · 31/05/2012 22:55

suspicious.

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:55

Was worried I was being too paranoid so glad it's not just me that thinks it strange.

I wouldn't like to believe it's anything sinister, but obviously that is not a risk worth taking and I wasn't interested in him anyway.

I just really wonder why he'd act that way, if he was trying to get into my good books I have no idea why he's waited til now?!

Also pahaha @ poom poom

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 31/05/2012 22:56

Any bloke who showed more interest in my kid than in me would certainly be rejected. It's a total red flag. Even the police would tell you that.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 22:58

I would find it more worrying if he was hassling you to let him babysit, but he isnt asking to be alone with your baby is he? He is inviting you over, and letting you know that you would be welcome to take your baby with you. Perhaps he just sees you as a mate, perhaps he does still want to go out with you, and as you are single is hoping you feel the same about him.

hiddenhome · 31/05/2012 22:59

My late husband's friend was such a lovely bloke Hmm Ex military and police, really cuddly grandad type person. He was a child molester though and started grooming the neighbour's daughter. This was what sparked all the upset and prompted his own daughter to speak out - she was worried about this girl.

Paedos don't come with horns or spikey teeth. They're just ordinary blokes with a sickening penchant for kids, the younger the better because they can't speak out or object to anything Sad

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 23:00

@squeaky I hope I haven't come across as thinking any man who so much as smiles as a child is the bogeyman, it isn't the case!

But I haven't seen this guy in years, we're not close, we hadn't been discussing seeing eachother or rekindling anything, and since I've had my son he's been asking for us to stay at his house and to see us. To me that seems bizarre. Not accusing him of anything, except perhaps having no idea of what's appropriate?!

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 23:00

Do you like him OP? (before this like)

I dont expect after giving birth 10 weeks ago you want ANY poom poom really.

I was ready to hang up my poom poom boots for life after my labour!

PatFenis · 31/05/2012 23:00

Aww I think maybe some of you are being a bit hard on the bloke. If he has be in regularish contact with the OP since the fling he obviously still likes her to some extent and wants to show an interest in her new baby who is obviously a huge part of her life now. I don't think thats weird at all!

OK so he asked if the OP wanted to see him and stay over with her baby - maybe he just thought that it would be a nice offer so she didn't have to find and fork out for a sitter and leave her new baby. He might just be one of lifes thoughtful blokes - they do exist you know!