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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this guy weird?!

96 replies

MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:30

Just to be clear, I'm really not insinuating anything with this post, just that this seems strange and I wonder why he's acted like this.

DS is 10 wks old. A guy I had a fling with about 3 years ago and kind of kept in touch with (ie a phone call every few months just to say how are you) has been calling more. He's been asking to see me and DS, and if we would both like to stay at his house (I've said no). He's also been asking me to send pictures of my son which I haven't done as I don't see this guy anymore and thought it was a bit strange.

(I am single btw so not inappropriate for him to call or whatever)

But this is weird right?

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 01/06/2012 10:34

Threads like this make me so sad. an unhealthy interest in children - for real? Because someone asked for a photo of someone else's new baby? Strewth.

You know what, I think it's most likely this guy -

  • fancies you and thinks now you have given birth he might be able to play happy families
  • fancies you and thinks now you are a single mum you could do with some support, hence taking an interest, seeing if you want to get out of the house on an easy visit
  • is a nice guy who realises that new single mums can feel alone and unsupported and thought he might extend a hand

Or, option D, he might be a raging paedophile. Hmm

I think for his sake you should cut him off. He is probably just being nice/ expressing an interest and you would be watching him like a hawk in case he did some dodgy like tickle your baby or smile at him funny or something.

theodorakis · 01/06/2012 10:37

I would have alarm bells, not because he may be a paedophile (extremely unlikely but not out of the question) but, 10 weeks after the birth to be so involved and a little bit needy makes me think he will be a nightmare clingy slightly un nerving presence somewhere up the road.

TroublesomeEx · 01/06/2012 10:39

Trust your gut instinct.

I'm not a "paedo on every corner" person by any stretch of the imagination.

Yet we had a suspicion of this nature about somebody recently of this nature followed it up and it turned out to be well founded.

However, if someone I was in occasional - regular, however infrequent, contact with asked to see a photo of my new baby, I wouldn't think it was strange.

Tbh, if I wasn't happy to send someone a photo of my children or to visit them/stay over with my child/ren, I wouldn't be having any level of contact with them at all.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 01/06/2012 10:41

So a man you used to have sex with, and have stayed in touch with, has taken an interest in the biggest thing to happen in your life so far and has had the audacity to ask for pictures of this major event?

You're right OP, it sounds well suspect and in no way AT ALL like maybe he wants to turn that fling into something else and is hinting that your DS would be someone he would be willing/happy to take on as well...

Original poster
MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 13:10

I'm really not suggesting he's a paedophile, honest! A lot of others did that lol.

And it's really not the asking for a pic that bothered me, if it had just been that I wouldn't have minded, as it's obviously a normal thing to ask when someone's just had a baby. It was that paired with him wanting us to stay at his house when

  • I haven't seen him in 3 years, and even when I did I never stayed at his.
  • although we were in regularISH contact it was always extremely brief, literally 'just called to say how are you, ok bye'
  • despite the above we were never really friends, he has never hinted that he's interested in me again and nor have I.

Well I'm obviously not going to see him anyway so perhaps wondering is pointless lol but it's interesting to see the different opinions.

OP posts:
CrispyCod · 01/06/2012 13:21

I don't think it's weird at all. You say you speak to him every few months so the guy must have a pretty good picture of what's happening in your life and is interested in it.

My ex of 10 yrs ago keeps in touch with me from time to time. Usually an email once or twice a year. When he married and they had their kids I asked him to send me some pics of the kids too. Does that make me weird?

Original poster
MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 13:23

As I said above cod the pic really wasn't the issue

OP posts:
PandaWatch · 01/06/2012 13:29

Could it be that he's being thoughtful and thinking how, as a single mum with a new baby, you're probably not getting the opportunity to go out and about much?

JosephineCD · 01/06/2012 13:29

If it was a woman you were friends with several years ago and she asked for baby pictures, would you be suspicious?

Original poster
MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 13:32

No josephine I wouldn't, but if she's also asked if she can stay the night at her house I'd still think she's strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 13:33

Messed that up lol

*if we could stay the night

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 01/06/2012 13:45

I bet though if OP put a AIBU up saying

"Just had a baby and all of a sudden an old fling contacted me asking for pictures and wants me to stay overnight at his house with the baby, Ive never been before, and I have hardly heard off him for three years, should I send the pictures and go"

She would be torn a new A-Hole in no time!

Floggingmolly · 01/06/2012 14:05

If you haven't been discussing seeing each other, then asking you to sleep at his house, with or without the baby is weird. Since when did grown men do sleepovers?

Original poster
MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 15:55

Lol good point molly, even if I didn't have my son I'd be thinking 'what the hell is this guy on'

OP posts:
MissFaversham · 01/06/2012 16:01

I recon he's just ended something and is looking through is little black book again. I don't really see it as anything sinister.

HildaOgden · 01/06/2012 16:07

Maybe he has a fetish for women who have just had babies and thinks that now is his chance???

solidgoldbrass · 01/06/2012 21:42

Really, the most likely explanation is that he fancies at least a shag with you, and is offering you a visit to his house by way of showing that he understands that's a practical option for a new mum with a baby.

All you have to do is say No thanks, if you're not interested.

NicholasTeakozy · 01/06/2012 22:33

hiddenhome Thu 31-May-12 22:48:41

Any ordinary bloke wouldn't want a baby around on a date. They usually can't be bothered with babies. In fact, it's hard enough getting a dad to spend time with his baby, let alone some random bloke.

I must be weird then. I adore babies. They're fantastic. My best mate (female) has a son who is now 6, and I get regular updates from her including photos. Then again I get photos of my granddaughter sent on a regular basis too. Another thing: at family gatherings I'm the one surrounded by kids. At least the adults know where I am I suppose.

I think this man just wants a chance OP. If you don't want that just tell him.

TapirBackRider · 02/06/2012 06:16

This man just wants a chance alright, he's after a shag, and thinks the OP will go for it if he shows some carefully timed interest in her baby.

Given everything the OP has said about their fling etc, I'd be steering clear, and OP YANBU for being careful.

FallenCaryatid · 02/06/2012 06:21

OP. you shagged him in the past, you have a baby with a man you are not in a relationship with either, and no doubt there have been other blokes you've had sex with in between.
He wants sex and thinks you are going to be an easy option.
The baby is a way for him to show interest in you.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 10:54

Crikey fallen that's a bit of a massive assumption on your part!

MushroomSoup · 02/06/2012 11:56

Fucking hell Fallen the poor girl has had two sexual partners that you know of, and because she isn't with her baby's father you assume she's the local bike??!! That's fucking outrageous out of order.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 12:03

Agree totally mushroom. I though we had moved on from that sort of outdated crap. Really bad form.

Original poster
MummySunshine · 02/06/2012 12:03

Yeah I used to bonk this guy 3 years ago, and I also had sex with my babys father. I'm clearly whore of the year. You're a twat.

OP posts:
achica · 02/06/2012 13:09

But Fallen isn't saying she thinks that but that a bloke might and you're in cloud cuckoo land if you don't realise that's how a lot of blokes think. I think Fallen makes a perfectly valid point (and I speak as someone who would be regarded as having 'lived life to the full' shall we say!!)

It could also be that the male in question wants a relationship and thinks he might stand a better chance of doing that with a single mother who's just had a baby. He may be thinking you would be more inclined to form relationship with someone you wouldn't previously have considered just because you either want a father figure for your child/don't want to be alone.

It doesn't mean to say any of this is true just that that could be what he is thinking.