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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this guy weird?!

96 replies

MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:30

Just to be clear, I'm really not insinuating anything with this post, just that this seems strange and I wonder why he's acted like this.

DS is 10 wks old. A guy I had a fling with about 3 years ago and kind of kept in touch with (ie a phone call every few months just to say how are you) has been calling more. He's been asking to see me and DS, and if we would both like to stay at his house (I've said no). He's also been asking me to send pictures of my son which I haven't done as I don't see this guy anymore and thought it was a bit strange.

(I am single btw so not inappropriate for him to call or whatever)

But this is weird right?

OP posts:
LentillyFart · 31/05/2012 23:02

Some men (gasp! shock! horror!) do actually like babies - and not for bad reasons. My DH is one of them - always loved babies and very good around them. I think this paedo-paranoia can go too far you know - how on earth do you hope to get through life if there's a child molester on every corner?
Anyway - I think squeaky has got it about right there - sounds to me very much as though he still wants a relationship with you and maybe sees the baby as a possible way back into your life. BUT - with the way you feel about him and his motives the kindest possible thing you could do right now is wish him well and wave him goodbye. Permanently.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2012 23:04

I tell you what, I'd absolutely hate to be a bloke in this day and age with everyone so bloody suspicious.

This is almost identical to my brother's situation a few months back.

He bumped into an old female friend on FB who had a 12 week old baby. He invited her to come and stay for the weekend...baby and all and there was no suspicion whatsoever.

They spent the weekend catching up and I even looked after the baby while they went out to dinner!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 23:05

I see your points above, its just that OP said he didn't seem that bothered until she had the baby. Thats the bit that does seem odd.

Of course could just be a coincidence.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 23:06

Presumably the OP was in some sort of relationship before she had the baby... with the father...

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 23:06

Was they good-ish friends though Worra?

This chap was just an ex poom poom.

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 23:06

Oh my poom poom days are well and truly over pickle.

(I say that like I have a choice. Fat, saggy, stretch marked and covered in puke and poo. Come and get me boys!)

I do agree the 'p word' is over the top, but whatever his motivation I still think it's a weird thing to ask. Haven't seen this guy in years, and even when we were seeing eachother I never stayed at his place!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/05/2012 23:08

Yeah they were good 'ish' Pickle

It sounds like the OP and this guy are goodish too if they chat on the phone every couple of months.

I don't see anything wrong either with asking someone for a pic of their baby...it's the polite thing to do and everyone has pics on their phones...ready to just text.

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 23:09

(And I wasn't in a relationship with my sons father)

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 23:10

Dunno, if a mate from school asked me to stay with DS and I had been friends with in the past and knew was nice but just not in massive touch any more I would go.

If it was an ex shaggy type I hadnt seen in years and only had a fling with, I wouldnt, (with DS) until I had sussed him out.

Especially if he had shexy times planned.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2012 23:14

Whenever anyone I know has a baby, I find myself uttering the obligatory words "Aww have you got any photos?"

Then as they fiddle with their phone, I sit there praying their newborn doesn't look like a steak and kidney pudding.

I then look at said pic and realise their baby really does look like a steak and kidney pudding (I mean don't they all when their born?)

And then I mutter something really cheesy like "He/she has your eyes" etc...

Grin I'm not really good in these situations, am I?

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 23:17

I always end up with a bloody slideshow and regret being nice!

Original poster
MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 23:32

worries I'm one of the mums that inflicts that on other people

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 31/05/2012 23:37

Ive got 850 odd photos of ds on phone. I could trap someone for hours!

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2012 23:43

I've got a smartphone

It detects new parents at 300 paces and directs me to take a left turn Grin

minimisschief · 31/05/2012 23:55

maybe hes convinced its his

Original poster
MummySunshine · 01/06/2012 00:12

When my son's 10 wks old? And I haven't seen him for atleast 3 years?

OP posts:
Tortington · 01/06/2012 00:13

if you have a 'spidey feeling' that this guy is a freeky fucker then don't ignore it

sadsac · 01/06/2012 00:22

Don't know why but it seems weird to me.

Different if you'd kept in touch in a meet you for a coffee kind of way.

But to come out of the woodwork just after you've had a baby...hmm

solidgoldbrass · 01/06/2012 00:27

It's statistically more likely that he wants to restart a relationship with you and is trying to indicate that he is not put off by the fact that you have a baby, rather than that he has Evil Designs on your son. But that doesn't mean you are under any obligation to accept his offers if you are not interested.

And it's definitely true that most people say 'Have you got a photo?' to a new parent as a way of making polite conversation.

Noqontrol · 01/06/2012 00:35

Only you know if it's weird or not because you know the guy. But, I would say trust your instincts every time.

JeezyPeeps · 01/06/2012 08:14

It is possible that he has always wanted a family, but has never been fortunate enough, and sees this as a possible means to having a ready made one.

Did you think he was odd before this?

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 01/06/2012 09:54

How you feeling about it today mummy? Think the majority position is to trust your instinct!

Jux · 01/06/2012 10:16

Have you asked him why? If you just say "why?" it can really throw people and you may get some insight into what he's thinking. I'm not suggesting for a moment that you should actually send a pic or go andw stay, but if you're still wondering, then just asking might help.

I wouldn't do it either, btw.

Icelollycraving · 01/06/2012 10:30

I don't think he's weird. I think he's been in a relationship that's broken up & is in the whole 'that could have been me' phase.
Don't think it's likely that a random pic of a baby is going to satiate a paedophile. If it is screaming paedo alert,then just say ' you must be the only man I know who wants to see!'
Maybe he's just a nice guy,who sees you as a friend??

theodorakis · 01/06/2012 10:32

Trust your guts always.