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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this guy weird?!

96 replies

MummySunshine · 31/05/2012 22:30

Just to be clear, I'm really not insinuating anything with this post, just that this seems strange and I wonder why he's acted like this.

DS is 10 wks old. A guy I had a fling with about 3 years ago and kind of kept in touch with (ie a phone call every few months just to say how are you) has been calling more. He's been asking to see me and DS, and if we would both like to stay at his house (I've said no). He's also been asking me to send pictures of my son which I haven't done as I don't see this guy anymore and thought it was a bit strange.

(I am single btw so not inappropriate for him to call or whatever)

But this is weird right?

OP posts:
FallenCaryatid · 02/06/2012 13:12

That's what I meant, achica. But obviously some others are more comfortable with the idea that he's a weirdo who wants to abuse a baby rather than a bloke looking for sex with an adult female.

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 13:21

He could be trying to get back with you showing interest in the baby , maybe he thinks you both need looking after and his testosterone has kicked in and hes gone all hunter gatherer , ok to be nosey does he maybe think the baby is his ?

TapirBackRider · 02/06/2012 13:27

MrsJay - OP states upthread that the baby is definitely not his.

I think SGB is right; he wants a shag, but the point about this is what woman is going to be comfortable taking along her child on an 'adult sleepover'?

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 13:30

sorry OP i didnt see that

garlicfucker · 02/06/2012 13:31

I only read the first page. yes, I think it's weird ... Not the behaviour in itself, but the context. Sure, a really good friend would demand baby pictures, go out of their way to let you know you're both welcome any time. But this isn't a really good friend. He's a bi-monthly courtesy call. All of a sudden he wants you to bring your new baby over to sleep the night.

When somebody suddenly tries to get closer, they want something. To see what, you need to look at how their circumstances or yours have changed. Yours is obviously that you now have a baby. So he wants the baby, for some reason. Whatever his reason may be ... I would not make myself or my child available to a loose acquaintance on the basis that they wanted "a baby" in their life.

If he'd spent the past six months rushing round driving you and your bump to appointments, rubbing your feet, doing your shopping and making your life easier, that might be different. But he's not interested in you. Just your baby. Yeuch.

LeoniPoni · 02/06/2012 13:36

Oh what I'd give for a guffaw emoticon for the comment from you Fallen ! It was so aggressive sounding but I KNEW you would say it may be his opinion not yours. Are you irritated by OP for getting a weird vibe?

Anyways OP I'd say just listen to you instincts on this one. It's not like he's a huge part of your life so it's easy to steer clear. It's probably completely innocent (well as innocent as trying to get a new mum interested in some Bow Chicka Wow Wow) but if you wouldn't feel comfortable around him there's no point having him around.

FallenCaryatid · 02/06/2012 13:43

I've had a fair number of partners in my past, some long term, some weekend snacks. If one of them had turned up with a hopeful gleam in his eye and a lot of interest in my new baby and single status, that's what I'd think. Sexual opportunist rather than paedo. I know it's no longer fashionable to think that, the youth of today would rather post 'is this guy weird? Nudge nudge wink wink.'

OP herself wrote

'Well it's pretty obvious what I'm worried about insinuating and an unhealthy interest in children isn't an accusation I'd like to throw around generously.'

and
'I'm really not suggesting he's a paedophile, honest! A lot of others did that lol.'

lol?
Really?

FreudianSlipper · 02/06/2012 13:44

trust your instincts they are very rarely wrong, something is telling you something is not right here

he may just like the idea of a ready made family nothing more or like that you are in a vulnerable position and he can save you (but that in itself is worrying)

jsut back away

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 13:47

Do you know what?

I'd love to be able to see the guy's face if he could read this thread...I'm sure he'd be insulted, bemused and shocked all at the same time.

It could well be a case of "Err get over yourself love, I just thought you might like to get out of the house for the weekend" Hmm Grin

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 13:54

I have to agree with worra I dont think its weird a bit over familiar but not weird

and he is not the child catcher Grin

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 14:21

Well you could have made your point without the insinuation that the op is easy pray due to having had 2 sexual partners fallen

It would have been quite possible.

FallenCaryatid · 02/06/2012 14:28

At 6.20am I tend to just say what I think without any thought of insinuating anything.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 14:43

Oh that's fine then, as long as its 6.20am of course you can say what you like??!!??

Anyway I don't agree with you, if he was a sexual opportunist why the fuck would he be wanting a baby to go and stay with him?

It's more likely he is looking for a relationship with the op, but she knows him and if she is getting an odd vibe she is quite right to stay away.

If she said she was taking a baby for a sleepover in what would be the first date in three years what would people be saying then?

ninani · 02/06/2012 14:58

OP, trust your insticts.

Even if you didn't have a baby you still don't like him so don't listen to anything else. Do what you want and keep away from him. Some people don't understand it and you have to stop all contact with them. Even "hello" if you have to otherwise they just don't get it and keep trying. Sometimes you have to be extra harsh. And extra cautious for your baby this time.

HildaOgden · 02/06/2012 16:35

Why did the two of you split up in the first place?

Original poster
MummySunshine · 02/06/2012 18:02

We were never really in a proper relationship hilda however I know he did used to strike me as strange.

When we first met I was 15 and definitely too young for him (again please understand this is not me insinuating any peadofilic motives, just that it's strange behaviour. What ever happened to someone just being strange anyway?)

I guess there seems to be 3 popular opinions
1- he's a monster that's after my child

2- thinks I'm easy pray right now for a bonk

3- he wants something serious and I'm a ready made family

Ultimately it doesn't matter to me anyway because I won't be going anywhere near him.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 02/06/2012 18:06

"When we first met I was 15 and definitely too young for him"

OOI, what's the age difference?

I wouldn't want to go around accusing someone I've never met of being a paedophile on the internet. But whatever his deal is, he sounds over familiar and off key, and I think your instincts are serving you well.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:09

How old is he mummy s?

Original poster
MummySunshine · 02/06/2012 18:15

I was (a very developed) 15 year old and he was mid 20s.

When I posted this I wasn't thinking 'this guy is a paedophile I wonder if other people think so too' I was thinking 'this is a weird situation, I can't put my finger on it and I know people will see the paedophile connection but wonder why he would behave this way'

it could well be any of the reasons suggested I guess, and perhaps he does have purely innocent friendly intentions, but I know I wouldn't be inviting a girl I hadn't seen in years to stay at my house with her new baby. Maybe that makes ME weird.

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:21

I wouldn't either nor would I take ds so if it is weird I will join you!

sallymonella · 02/06/2012 18:43

If he was a paedophile, surely he'd be savvy enough to not ask for a photo, because of how it may look? Or invite you to stay with the baby? Isn't it a bit too obvious? A bit too suspiciuous looking?

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