To ask DH not to go to his uncles funeral because we are on holiday

[theplumfairy]

DHs uncle sadly passed away after a long debilitating illness. His funeral takes place two days into our holiday.
DHs uncle was a lovely man and DH was fond of him but not extremely close. We saw him maybe 4 times a year.
He Was DHs dads favorite brother.

DH has been asked to carry the coffin with his brothers. He wants to go to the funeral and postpone going on holiday. With travelling times our holiday will be cut short by 3 days but we only had 5 days booked at our first first destination anyway so it is going to eat into our two week break.

I have told him that I will do what he wants but I really don't want to cut short a much needed holiday. Whilst I want to be supportive I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings.

His parents have told him not to cut short our holiday. My family and friends say we shouldn't.

AIBU?

YABU

DP's uncle died. We probably only saw him 3 or 4 times a year. DP carried the coffin.

I haven't seen my uncle in about 5 years as he lives abroad. I would still go to his funeral.

Where family is concerned you don't have to be living in each other's pockets to be sad at losing someone and want to say a formal goodbye to them.

YANBU

Nobody would want to cut short a holiday for a funeral. Unfortunately you are stuck between a rock and a hard place but I would have thought exactly the same as you. I don't think you were being unreasonable to want to discuss the options.

Sometimes coming on here and seeing that I regularly don't agree with the rest of the world makes me feel corrupt! :)

As you've already decided to do the right thing not really any need to add my opinion but YWBU

A group of us once went to Stockholm for NYE. One of the group's granddad sadly passed away a few days before and her 'D'H persuaded her to come on the trip instead of going to the funeral, as the grandad 'had been ill for a long time so why should she be upset'? She spent most of the trip in tears, devastated that she had made the wrong choice. Holidays can be postponed, funerals cannot. Glad you are going now.

I can't believe that your husbands uncle died knowing you were about to go on holiday!

You are so unreasonable even to consider this a dilemma. Who gives a crap about a stupid holiday when both your husband and your fil need support. In most cases I was surprised at how many people came to my husbands funeral, however there are a few members of my own family who didn't bother and it really has changed my opinion of them.

I'm sure that your husbands aunt would love your 'dilemma'.

You are being unreasonable. A holiday can be taken any time, a funeral cannot.

Are you going abroad?

YANBU not to want to, but YWBVU to insist he doesn't go to the funeral.

i don't think it is unreasonable to consider the options tbh. But once DH has given his preference to attend I think you do have to go with it and work around the funeral. It's just one of those things, unfortunate but unavoidable.

FWIW when DD's great-grandma died (dh's grandad's wife) the funeral was whilst we were away. We were close to her but DH's grandad was insistent that we did not cancel out holiday (it was abroad) and made it clear he wanted us to on holiday. We spoke a lot about it. She had been ill for a long time beforehand and we had already said our goodbyes tbh by that time. We didn;t go to the funeral. We had our own memorial to her before we left, with DD, and on the day of the funeral we spent some quiet time together - and also later on spoke to grandad and family.

But that was agreed with in advance and it was DH's decision. Had DH decided he/we should go we would have looked at changing our holiday plans, even though it would have been abroad and we were going away with friends.

YABU.

It is your DP's decision. Not his parents, not your family and friends, it is up to him.

But you already know this and have acknowledged it, just couldn't resist!

YABU. He should go especially as he has been asked to carry the coffin.

I'm sorry to hear about your dh s uncle. And yes I agree with everyone else but you've already acknowledged that. I hope you enjoy your holiday and you dh is ok.

i don't know if YABU or not tbh. i don't think it's as clear cut as some people think.
when our great grandad died (aged 90) my sister and her family had a holiday booked for when the funeral was due to take place. it was their first family holiday, they had saved up for a long time worked hard to pay for it. my sister was planning on cancelling the holiday or driving back over 5 hours for the funeral. our great grandma (aged 92 at the time) told her not to be ridiculous, that our great grandad was delighted they were able to go on holiday that year and would be gutted if they cancelled it for that. she also said that nothing would make him happier than the thought of his great-great grandchildren splashing in the sea and building sandcastles and he would tell my sister to just enjoy the holiday with her family.
i think a lot of it depends on circumstances and attitudes of the family. i don't think anyone can answer for you really.

woops didn't notice there was multiple pages and this has been resolved. off to find another thread...