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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH not to go to his uncles funeral because we are on holiday

87 replies

theplumfairy · 31/05/2012 22:23

DHs uncle sadly passed away after a long debilitating illness. His funeral takes place two days into our holiday.
DHs uncle was a lovely man and DH was fond of him but not extremely close. We saw him maybe 4 times a year.
He Was DHs dads favorite brother.

DH has been asked to carry the coffin with his brothers. He wants to go to the funeral and postpone going on holiday. With travelling times our holiday will be cut short by 3 days but we only had 5 days booked at our first first destination anyway so it is going to eat into our two week break.

I have told him that I will do what he wants but I really don't want to cut short a much needed holiday. Whilst I want to be supportive I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings.

His parents have told him not to cut short our holiday. My family and friends say we shouldn't.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Xales · 31/05/2012 22:25

Can you not go as planned and then he catch you up a few days later?

MeatSweats · 31/05/2012 22:25

YABU.

Olympia2012 · 31/05/2012 22:25

He should go.

Monty27 · 31/05/2012 22:25

Are you really that selfish? Shock

fuckarama · 31/05/2012 22:25

He really should go.

You are being incredibly selfish.

edwinbear · 31/05/2012 22:26

Unfortunate timing, but YABU, he should go.

Hulababy · 31/05/2012 22:26

If he wants to go, he should go. He may resent it afterwards if not.

Is the holiday in the UK? If so, could you go there and he travel back for the funeral and join you afterwards?

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 22:26

he has been asked to play an important part at the funeral, which would probably be seen as an honour by most men, so yes YABU.

you can go on as many holidays as you like, you can only bury a relative once..

WhiteWidow · 31/05/2012 22:26

He can go on holiday many more times, this is something he will only have one opportunity to do and it would be awful if he regretted not going.

I know how you feel though, I'd be sad about my holiday too

RepublicaEuphemia · 31/05/2012 22:27

I think he should go to the funeral if he wants to. If someone didn't mean much to you, you don't care about going. It sounds like your DH cared for his uncle. I see mine once a year, and I would absolutely go to his funeral!

HereIGo · 31/05/2012 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumblechum1 · 31/05/2012 22:27

I don't understqand the problem. Surely you and the children go on holiday and he catches a later flight?

Or if you're not going far, he just flies back for the day?

MrsKwazii · 31/05/2012 22:27

Yes, YABU.

happyAvocado · 31/05/2012 22:28

I think he should go, it isn't only for him but also for the rest of the family, when they all get together to grieve and remember that relative

fairyfriend · 31/05/2012 22:29

Wow. YAB shockingly U. And very, very selfish.

Jinsei · 31/05/2012 22:29

YABU. And what has it got to do with your family & friends? Confused

Could you go on the holiday as planned & have him join you?

Original poster
theplumfairy · 31/05/2012 22:29

Right, fairly conclusive then. I am unreasonable and totally selfish!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 31/05/2012 22:29

If he wants to go you should respect his wishes and support him.

Babylon1 · 31/05/2012 22:29

I think YABU yes.

My uncle died 2 years ago and his funeral fell a few days into my brothers much needed holiday.

He went on holiday as planned, drove the 400 miles back on the morning of the funeral and then drove 400 miles back again for the remainder of his holiday.

My brother was so relieved he could do this, as although we didn't see him very often, he was our favourite uncle and it would have been very regrettable if he'd not been there to pay his respects and say his goodbyes.

If you are going abroad for your holiday, they puts a different slant on it, and I think if you have to start cancelling/changing flights etc then no, YANBU and DH needs to decide holiday or funeral.

LostInWales · 31/05/2012 22:29

Sorry but YABU, DH's uncle died as we traveled to a much needed holiday with our two young children, we had a few days in the hotel and then traveled back so that DH could be a pall bearer. The holiday was spoiled and it felt so unfair but it is one of those things that has to be done. Make the most of the holiday you can have after and chalk it up to one of the rotten things life sometimes chucks at you. Sometimes you just have to be totally unselfish even though it seems unfair. Think how hard this must be for DH's uncles close family and do it for them.

madmouse · 31/05/2012 22:30

YAB Unpleasantly selfish. If you are so keen not to support your dh by all means go on holiday without him.

Bibulus · 31/05/2012 22:31

YABU!! bloody hell!

Shakey1500 · 31/05/2012 22:31

Yes YABU.

We've a holiday book for July. My elderly aunt is pretty poorly and there's a fair chance she'll die sooner rather than later. If it means missing the holiday then I will. There'll be other holidays, they'll only ever be one of my Aunt's funeral.

mrsscoob · 31/05/2012 22:32

If your DH wants to do this and wants to postpone then of course YABU I can't believe you even need to ask!

moveoverhogger · 31/05/2012 22:33

YABU, would you miss your aunt/uncles funeral because your DH wanted to go on hols??