To think nursery worker should not tell my daughter not to suck her thumb?

[chaosisawayoflife]

Genuine aibu.
Dd is 3 and is a big thumb sucker. She has been since age was in the womb and it gives her a lot of comfort. I have never told her not to or tried to discourage her.
I picked her up from nursery today and she said 'I'm not allowed to suck my thumb, am i?'. I asked why she said that and she told me that one of the nursery workers had told her off for sucking her thumb.
Now, I would understand it was interfering with her trying to say or do anything but it never does. She only really sucks it when she is having a quiet few minutes or if she is nervous, tired or concentrating on a story or something.
I'm a bit cross about this as her thumb is her security, her comfort and an instinctive, reflex action but I genuinely don't know if aibu to feel this way and whether I should say something.

Really, YABU.

They cannot be expected to allow children to do things simply because they are allowed to at home...

Sarah - yes, she can suck her thumb.
Tommy - not sure about thumb sucking, well - his Mum says yes, his Dad says no.
Hester - she's allowed to stand on tables and chairs
Louise - she's allowed to eat sand
George - no thumb sucking, but he's allowed to put his hands down his pants.
Katie - no, not allowed to suck her thumb or put her hands down her pants.
Fred - yes as long as he washes his thumb first if he has been outside.
... for all 60 kids.

'No Alice - you have to hold Tom's hand, I know it's wet, but his Mummy says that's ok.'

'Nursery worker - no, you aren't allowed to tell them to take their thumb out of their mouth, just hold that recently slobbered on hand and/or listen better to what little Jo is saying - you can understand if you listen very carefully'.

Jesus wept - do you not think they have enough to do without all this crap.

I doubt very much she was 'told off' - just 'told' and frankly, if you let other people look after your children then you have to accept there are 'rules/social niceities' they will need to observe. It is not 'my child my rules' it's 'our nursery, our rules'.

YABU if it was a case of "chaos DD please take your thumb out of your mouth as I cant understand you"

If it was just a "you shouldnt suck your thumb" than YANBU, I dont think its a nursery workers place to decide that. I understand they are loco whatever it is but IMO thats just over their general wellbeing and safety, not a personal preference of whether they like thumb sucking or not.

Infact I would try and find out the context and if it was the latter than Id be having a word with the manager and asking them to kindly piss off refrain from doing it in the future.

DD1 (similar age to yours) is not a thumb sucker but has a terrible habit of picking her nose and then eating it (bleurgh) and, if she's feeling particularly generous likes to share the contents of her nostrils with others (i used to think she was stroking me to be kind, now i realise she is just wiping bogeys on me, she also went through a stage where she would sneak up and wipe it on my lip-yuck). i bloody well hope the nursery staff pull her up on it as well! i think thumb sucking and nose-picking at their age are a habit rather than a comfort. my DD doesn't like holding hands with a child who has sucked their thumb, and i'm positive plenty of children do not want to hold hands with her after she's had her finger up her nose. i do think she needs to stop, but thats up to you, at nursery however, like at school, there are different rules to at home and different things to consider. i think you are being a bit unreasonable.

I am with Chipping on this.

But then I was a child who hated being touched or having my toys touched by other children who had been finger sucking. So which should the nursery workers have respected- the desire of the other child to feel soothed by sucking or my desire to feel soothed by the absence of slobby fingers? It gets very complex.

I think you need to talk to the nursery.You could say "Please can you talk your thumb out of your mouth." in the most gentle way possible and some children will call that a telling off. I think that if you don't trust the nursery to talk to your child is a kind, caring and appropriate way then you shouldn't be leaving her there.

I understand why young babies might thumb suck but I think that age 3 ish is the time to start discouraging it because it gets increasingly harder to stop it as they get older. (I finally got my dd to stop when she was 7) Thumbsucking spreads and picks up germs and affects the jaw/teeth. She won't be the only one doing it and the nursery will be telling other children not to pick their nose/put their hands in their pants etc. If you want her to suck her thumb at home then go for it but I think that the nursery isn't unreasonable to discourage everyone doing it.

plus if i tell DD1 nicely to stop picking her nose, she runs to daddy screamming "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Mummy told me off" . kids versions of events aren't always reliable.

yabu, they have their own rules there and she has to follow them. At home you can let her do what she wants, you're the one who will be paying for the braces after all.

Excellent post by ChippingIn this morning .

Anther one who thinks that ChippingIn's post is great. She was probably juust told not told off. Having worked in nurseries for 16 years pre ds I can assure you that even though a parent can understand every word said while thumb is in mouth a nursery worker cannot not to mention I would not want to hold a hand that had slobber all over it all the time while out and about and neither should other children.

Sending your child to a nursry means you have to lose a little of the over all control (not the big things obviously) You have to have blanket policies and behaviour management or children would see things as being unfair and inconsistant, just as they do when they go to school.

YABU and those of you who say a 3 yr old thumb sucking is perfectly fine need to learn about how it deforms children's palates.

Take your DD to a dentist and watch in horror and shame as she shows you the damage.

Any child are setting are correct to discourage babe habit sucking thumb or finger is one

It's not good for their teeth or speech so op YABU

Oh and I can tell you they will defo tell her to stop this at school no one wants to share a pen or paint brush with someone who has spit all over there fingers

It will be seen as a bad habit and you very well be challenged to get her to stopn

Why did I get deleted?!?! That's totally random!!!

I will try and reword it :/

'any dentist who tells you that thumb sucking is ok is IMO a terrible dentist.'

Is that better MN?

or a private dentist who wants your money for corrective procedures

Parents have to realise that you can't control what others say to your DC when you are not there!

There are many other things in live which are soothing, and we don't do them in public! At 3, she should be encouraged to stop sucking her thumb before the habit is so engrained that she can't stop it and her teeth start suffering. My SIL is almost 40 and still sucks her thumb (while at home only, I hope). It is disgusting and looks terrible. YABU and should be thankful the nursery are trying to encourage your DD to give up a bad habit.

DD is quite likely to ignore them anyway!

Agree with Chipping.....totally!

YABU. I go into nurseries and teach. I use my own resources. There is one boy in particular who always has his thumb in his mouth. I don't like letting him touch my stuff. We sometimes sing in a circle. I don't want to touch his hand.

The nursery worker probably wasn't forceful, but just told your DD not to suck her thumb at a particular time. It is a horrible habit and not only deform your teeth/jaw, but also the thumb that is being sucked.

Agree also that nurseries have to have rules there that are different from at home. Every setting has different rules.

You have to think of the other kids too.

I wouldn't want my child going to nursery and picking up a filthy habit that the staff don't discourage.

If all the kids were nose pickers, surely you'd expect the staff to remind them not to do it?

OP I think YABU.

My DD is almost 6 and sucks her thumb A LOT despite all our efforts (tape on thumb, telly goes off if sucking thumb, reward charts etc etc). We have all (including DD) tried hard, but when she gets tired/upset, in it goes! HOWEVER, the one great success has been that the school don't 'allow' thumb sucking (they constantly remind the children). DD started in preschool at 3.1yo and has hardly sucked her thumb in school since.

So, you should be glad that you have support from the nursery in trying tohelp your DC stop. My DDs teeth are already fairly goofy at 5!

But to all those on this thread who overreact (its digusting, gross, filthy etc etc), Maybe YOU should have a go at getting a child to stop sucking her thumb!!!!

I imagine it's almost impossible to get a child to stop sucking their thumb but it doesn't make it any less gross/filthy etc.

Dd has really struggled to give up finger sucking but I think that makes it even more important that other adults make it clear that it is not always socially acceptable.