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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery worker should not tell my daughter not to suck her thumb?

127 replies

chaosisawayoflife · 31/05/2012 16:22

Genuine aibu.
Dd is 3 and is a big thumb sucker. She has been since age was in the womb and it gives her a lot of comfort. I have never told her not to or tried to discourage her.
I picked her up from nursery today and she said 'I'm not allowed to suck my thumb, am i?'. I asked why she said that and she told me that one of the nursery workers had told her off for sucking her thumb.
Now, I would understand it was interfering with her trying to say or do anything but it never does. She only really sucks it when she is having a quiet few minutes or if she is nervous, tired or concentrating on a story or something.
I'm a bit cross about this as her thumb is her security, her comfort and an instinctive, reflex action but I genuinely don't know if aibu to feel this way and whether I should say something.

OP posts:
Dee03 · 31/05/2012 17:13

Agree with people that say its unhygienic.

Im a preschool worker and we tell children to take fingers out of mouths/ stop picking noses/ get their hands out of their knickers etc etc....most of our morning is spent getting these children to wash their hands, again and again and again ....

She probably wasnt told off, she was probably told to take her thumb out of her mouth....

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 17:16

Olympia - yes I had them a lot as a child, too Sad

welliebobs · 31/05/2012 17:18

Yabu, find out the facts first before believing what a 3 year old says. They probably are trying to discourage her from doing it as it is not something that should be encouraged. For many reasons.

cheesesarnie · 31/05/2012 17:22

when i worked in a nursery we disgouraged for a number of reason including hygeine-when baking, gardening or doing craft and speech.

i doubt they actually told her off, theyre probably just gently encouarging her not to.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2012 17:23

On a totally pointless note...

I've just remembered that for some reason as a child, I would never play with the thumb suckers.

I have no idea why I just couldn't take to anyone I saw sucking their thumb? Confused

Perhaps I thought it made them look sulky or something?

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 31/05/2012 17:29

It depends on what their rules are about what a parent can or cannot expect from the nursery. If you've never had the conversation with them, you can't expect them to know your views. Find out what happened, then discuss it with them. If they say it's their policy, you either have to suck it up (no pun intended) or move nursery.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 31/05/2012 17:33

I never used to either Worra. There is a lot of hand holding, hugging etc when you are a small girl, and even as it child I thought it was disgusting when someone else tried to touch me with a hand that had just come out of their mouth.

Kayano · 31/05/2012 17:34

Worra my non thumb sucker friend started when she was 7 after a sleepover at my house.

She only did it a week

Wink I like to think she was imitating me because I was so utterly cool (it was the 90s)

Hmm she was probably just taking the piss lol

Op you need to stop this. I hover over my own dd like a hawk. She sucked her thumb a few times but I constantly remove it from her mouth. She seems to have stopped looking for it lol

StetsonsAreCool · 31/05/2012 17:34

From a 28 year old thumb sucker... Wink

It's a tough one.

I had ten years of braces as my early years were spent sucking so hard that it pulled by my upper and lower jaws out of shape.

I'd be put out if someone told DD not to do something I had no problem with her doing. But they might think they're doing you a favour. She'll learn on her own not to do it in 'too public' if that's what they're worried about.

Kayano's right, it's a bloody hard one to crack. If you can get her early, she may not continue as long as we have Grin

Shesparkles · 31/05/2012 17:35

I had to wear braces in my teens having been a thumb sucker. My bottom teeth had been forced inwards and my top teeth pulled outward. NOT a fun time!

workshy · 31/05/2012 17:38

ugh thumb sucking!

my ex had a miss shapen jaw from sucking, and still sucks at the age of 48 when he thinks no one is watching

as soon as mine even looked like getting their fingers in their mouths they got a dummy and I know a 7 year old with braces due to sucking

the nursery is spot on trying to stop it plus it's gross

gobbledegook1 · 31/05/2012 17:38

I don't like sucking it is proven to significantly increase the chance of misaligning the jaw and damaging teeth etc. And corrections to the damage done cannot be put right until the thumb sucking has stopped.

My DP sucked his thumb a lot as a child and had to have his jaw painfully realigned as a result and braces to push back all the teeth he pushed forwards. His DS (aged 7) sucks his thumb a lot and I am forever nagging about it and the damage it will cause / is causing and I also believe he shouldn't need to be sucking his thumb almost 24hrs a day at his age. As a result he suffers with a slight speech impediment. After losing his baby canines he has never grown adult ones and has recently been registered with a dentist who has said that the reason he has probably not had adult teeth come through is highly likely to be down to the fact that he has done damage by sucking his thumb so much, he is now facing have to have false ones implanted but this can't / won't be done until the thumb sucking stops as he will just damage or misalign the false teeth yet no in his family one other than me seems to see the seriousness of this or tries to discourage him and quite frankly with the huge gap in his front teeth made worse by thumb sucking, his missing canines and his poor speech he looks a mess and can be hard to understand.

I would be pleased if my nursery were trying to help discourage my child from doing this fortunately neither of my children have been thumb suckers and neither had a dummy.

YABU.

Idocrazythings · 31/05/2012 17:41

Maybe get a paediatric dentist to check her teeth and palate to see if it's affecting her mouth- if it is then you might want to start discouraging it as it will only get harder for her to stop. My daughter had an open and over bite at age 3 from a dummy (and bad teeth genes) it's getting better by itself at 4 but she will need some sort of treatment as she gets older.

upahill · 31/05/2012 17:41

I would be pleased that the nusery is renforcing the message I would be giving my child if they were a thumb sucker tbh.

YABU

Bonsoir · 31/05/2012 17:43

Thumb sucking shouldn't be done in public places - it isn't hygienic and it is pretty bad manners.

Babycameearly · 31/05/2012 17:50

I'm 34 and still suck my thumb - wish I'd been told off by more people - I have an overbite and an embarrassing habit :-(

SpagboLagain · 31/05/2012 17:52

Re the teeth and jaw issues, when does the damage start? My 4 month old settles himself with his thumb. When do we have to start worrying about removing it?

By the way I think YABU, I can't bear looking at children sucking in the daytime due to all the hygiene and reasons above and because you can't hear what they are saying. Also dummies and bits of dirty old rag in the daytime, fine to have comforters at bedtime but not out and about.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 18:09

Spag

The websites I've just looked at say that with concerted suckers who suck hard - age 4, but for most, you ideally want them to stop by the time their permanent teeth come in

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 18:10

... around age 6.

I stopped at 9 and the damage was done.

itsybitsy08 · 31/05/2012 18:22

YANBU.

Some horrid comments on here. My 3 year old daughter is not gross thank you very much workshy , but you are unpleasant.

I suppose your kids have a manky dummy or rag they tail around instead? That's gross imo.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 31/05/2012 18:27

Workshy didn't say your daughter was gross, she said thumbsucking was gross. I wouldn't go that far, but I agree it's not great for the child's jaw even if it is comforting.

upahill · 31/05/2012 18:32

What's rag their tail round mean Confused

Mine never had dummies because I really disliked them but I understand they can help premature babies with reflux or something.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 18:36

Thumb sucking is not good. Having to say to a child "take your thumb out of your mouth before you speak" gets very wearisome.. and having seen my stepdaughter grow up with awful crooked teeth and overbite due to it too, I would urge any parent to discourage it. It is not only unhygienic, it is not good for their teeth or jaw, nor is it nice for a kid to be teased by their mates as they get older because of it, or because of the after effects.

ErnesttheBavarian · 31/05/2012 18:41

I'm surprised you seem annoyed at them telling her to stop sucking her thumb. I mean,it's an unhygienic, horrible habit which frequently leads to permanent damage. It's unsociable and unpleasant in a group context. I'm amazed that as a parent you haven't felt the need to stop her. I hope you do.

(Had 1 dummy ds, 1 thumb ds, who was a nightmare sucker, and seemed like he would never give up - he did, when his 2 front milk teeth fell out, but he has still damaged his bite, then had a ds who sucked 2 fingers, and finally dd with a dummy) Am sure the thumb sucker had more tummy upsets than the others too.

Oddly, he is still a grubby muck handed beast in comparison to the other 3.

Meridon · 31/05/2012 18:41

If we do circle games and songs at my nursery some children can be reluctant to hold the hand of the child next to them when they have had to first take their thumb or fingers out of their mouth.