To think nursery worker should not tell my daughter not to suck her thumb?

[chaosisawayoflife]

Genuine aibu.
Dd is 3 and is a big thumb sucker. She has been since age was in the womb and it gives her a lot of comfort. I have never told her not to or tried to discourage her.
I picked her up from nursery today and she said 'I'm not allowed to suck my thumb, am i?'. I asked why she said that and she told me that one of the nursery workers had told her off for sucking her thumb.
Now, I would understand it was interfering with her trying to say or do anything but it never does. She only really sucks it when she is having a quiet few minutes or if she is nervous, tired or concentrating on a story or something.
I'm a bit cross about this as her thumb is her security, her comfort and an instinctive, reflex action but I genuinely don't know if aibu to feel this way and whether I should say something.

Personally I would be thanking the nursery worker if she helps your dd to break the habit. I was a thumbsucker into my teens. Luckily for my parents I am very old so all the orthodontist treatment I had (and there was a lot) was free on the NHS. Now you have to pay thousands for any treatment deemed as cosmetic - poorly positioned and sticking out teeth being considered as this these days.

I had several braces as I insisted on continuing to suck my thumb throughout. I gave up finally when I was 14 and braces were affecting my flute playing and ability to attract boys. The legacy is one thumb smaller than the other.

We don't just give up on disease control, do we?

Generally, I think being shy in should be discouraged. Thumb sucking is generally used as something to hide behind.

Far better your DD learns to face the world with confidence before she starts school.

Nursery work clearly should be positive and encouraging about stopping thumb sucking, not nasty.

cassette if they have a concern about the hygiene aspect, then they should be raising it with the op before they start telling off her daughter - if that is what's happened.

Definitely don't let her suck her rhomboid.

Thumb sucking is a comfort, picking noses is not, as far as I'm aware, a form of comfort. OP's dd would I'm sure, be told to stop picking her nose at home and therefore be receiving a consistent message. Whereas it's difficult for a 3 yr old to understand why she has always been allowed to thumb suck at nursery and at home, but is no longer allowed to suck at nursery.

Yabu. She needs to stop...my DD has given herself an overbite due to thumb scking and I wish I had put my foot down sooner. It's a mucky habit and they can't be heard properly.

It's not difficult for a child to understand that nursery has different rules to home. How would a nursery cope if all the children had to stick to their home rules at nursery? Billy would be allowed to bounce on the sofa because he does at home, but bobby would get told off for doing the exact same thing. Just not practical. Different places, different rules. Soft play rules in a library?

cassette yes, I agree that if comforters are not permitted across the board in OP's nursery then that means any form of comforter, although it's not a policy I have come across before and I would personally shy away from a nursery with a policy like that. However, if that is the policy in OP's nursery then why would it suddenly become an issue now, presumably she hasn't suddenly started thumb sucking?

I don't share your views on it being detrimental to dental health/speech from my own experiences. I can see where you're coming from on the hygiene aspect, although I believe any nursery is basically one big germ incubator, and I think there are many other precautions they could/should take before tackling the thumb suckers.

I am at the extreme responses on here to thumb sucking.

I have 2 thumb suckers one 4YO,one 6.8YO.

The older one has no effects from his thumb sucking dental because he has inherited his father's musculature.

The 4YO has a marked effect because he has inherited my musculature (I had a thumb sucking habit til I had brace at 11YO). He has goofy teeth and a narrowed palate.

I laughed when my DS1's reception teacher told him he wasn't allowed to suck his thumb at school. He doesn't realise he's doing it. I just thought I'd like to see her try to get him to stop at school.

I am a dentist, I think it's like a drug and very difficult to stop.

I will just get DS to decent orthodontist when he's older.

And my comments on tummy bugs, we have never had any...

Children do far more unhygienic things than thumb sucking.

My brother had the most horrendous dentistry issues because of thumb sucking. I don't think the nursery worker was BU at all.

And my brother sucked his thumb so much had a callous on it, he has dead straight teeth.

what edwinbear said! god she is 3 give the poor child a break! i would be asking the nursery what the circumstances were that led to them telling her not to suck her thumb ie painting, cooking etc, then yes explain its not appropriate to suck her thumb at that time.

the dentists i have spoken to say its not a problem until adult teeth start to come trhough, my ds4 is just 4 and sucks his thumb, pretty much only at bedtime and when tired/poorly, sometimes when watching tv. he doesnt try to talk with it in his mouth and his speech is very good, it hasnt affected his teeth in anyway and he hasnt had tummy bugs etc any more than my other childrne who werent thumb suckers, two of my children bfed till almost 4yrs so its the same thing really a comfort! he did it lots as a tiny baby, did it in utero (scan pics) and as he has got older has done it less, going through phases if ill or in a developmental phase etc.

i dont think my ds4 sucks his thumb at pre-school as generally he is too busy, tho if tired and he has a rest then i imagine he would do,t hey ahve never mentioned it tho.

if the nursery had an issue with it then they should raise it with the parents.

oh and ds4s thumb and hand doesnt get all wet and slobbery, maybe a tiny bit damp but its certainly not as wet and disgusting as some here have made it out to be! babies and children can be slobbery and they dribble etc, a little bit of saliva isnt an issue generally given everything else that children get up to, sharing food, drink etc.

I think YABU.
I do understand that you are grateful that she has an emotional regulator, I really do. My 3yo ds likes to suck his fingers, nut IMO it is horrid and needs to be discouraged.
The nursery have to be seen to be educating your dd and there are many areas they need to cover. One of these areas would be social behaviours, and where thumb sucking may not be unacceptable in the way that picking your nose or hands in your pants are, but it really is not something that IMO should continue.
She is old enough now to (with your support) find a different way to regulate her emotions, a way that is more hygenic and is less likely to pass germs to all her friends.
If my son sucked his thumb or fingers, then touched a biscuit, would you be happy for your dd to eat it? Because, the other way around I would not be 100% co$fortable with my son eating something that was covered in your dd's saliva.
Help her to find another way to comfort herself.

YANBU IMO

"cassette if they have a concern about the hygiene aspect, then they should be raising it with the op before they start telling off her daughter - if that is what's happened."

You mean like "Dear OP, mini-OP was sucking her thumb after playing in the dirt today. We let her get on with it and hopefully she didn't injest too much compost, but just wondering if you'd mind us suggesting that it's not a good idea in future?"

Glad my nursery don't think I'm going to be that precious

Initial reaction was that's your choice ect ect ect but then I thought about it and kinda figure this.
If you pay a child carer of any description you are expecting them to safe guard your childs health whilst child is IN there care.in nurserys things like worms, colds, tummy bugs,nits ect are rife small children love to share surely it makes sense to discourage hand to mouth/eye or hair to hair contact where possible.
Bugs and thread worm eggs get transfered by touch from bums then things like door handles toys ect not all children wash hands as well or as often in a mixed enviroment as they would do with mums help and the aid of a nail brush.
So they are doing the job you pay them to do

Ds likes to use a blanket as a comforter but I wouldn't expect nursery to allow him to walk around sucking on it.

I think a gentle "x, take your thumb out your mouth while we..." is perfectly acceptable. Having a comfort is lovely but there gets to a point when children need to begin to learn that there are times it shouldn't really be used. During normal activities at nursery is one of those times IMO

If the dentist says thumb sucking is ok, willaby
Then then thumb suckingis ok in my book!
Our family dentist also said to not worry about tumb sucking, she will either need orthodontristy, or she won't
I did, and i never sucked my thumb, i pulled my hair !!
I bet if littles are pressured to stop sucking, they will find another self soothing behaviour like nail biting, hair sucking, whatever !!
.... Or do it when you are not looking. It's a natural innate urge !

I remember talking to a new trained orthodontist at a wedding when DS1 was 8 months old, she said they are a lot more relaxed about it now, and say phsycologically you should leave them alone until they are old enough to stop of their own accord.

Out of interest last night I tried to pull DS2's thumb out of his mouth while he was sleeping, it was stuck firmly. I think that I'd also a reason he is so badly affected, it doesn't fall out at night. Whereas DS1's does.

If its in for more than 6 hours it acts as an orthodontic appliance.

I have a lot of dentists in my family, one BIL is at the start of his ortho MSc, I keep meaning to ask his opinion since he will be the most up to date.