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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be shocked about friends behaviour and not know if I want to be her friend anymore!

112 replies

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:19

I've got a friend who is a quite odd at times. When I first knew her she was ok, a little kooky but it could at times be endearing. However, after about a year of knowing her she became quite hardgoing really. I moved away from the area but we kept in touch. Since then her behaviour has become increasingly erratic. She is one of those kind of people who always have to turn a conversation around so that it is about them, no matter what it is. She would ring me late at night and be talking to me for hours and I could tell she was getting drunker and drunker as she talked to me. Ive always tried to be a good friend to her and supportive, but after a long while it became completely tiresome. Then she split up from her husband and became very erratic (which yes I know is to be expected) she claims to have spd from 4 years ago and wears a belt to support it. I've often felt worried about her because at times she has had a comode downstairs as she says she cant get up the stairs. Shortly after splitting up from her husband she went really bad and could do nothing, she would ring me and tell me about all of this and she was basically calling all kinds of people in to help her with her daughter as she said she couldnt even change her nappy. However, everybody was getting very angry with her because they were saying she was making it up. At first i felt very angry on her behalf, but then i started to see their point as she was going out and getting drunk and there photos of her on facebook dancing and having a merry time. So then I thought that she must be really struggling emotionally, and that if she was prepared to lie so hard about it she must really be not quite right in herself. I went round to her house while she was away and spent a whole day cleaning it to help as it was disgusting and I was worried about her children being in that filth, but then since then shes done lots of things that sort of make her look like she just wants to go out and have a good time. The thing is, Im just plain tired of the drama of her now. Ive realised she is draining me and I get nothing in return, shes not interested in my problems or supporting me and some things she does just disgust me. It was her daughters birthday the other day and she didnt even get her a present. She said she hadnt had time, but the weekend before shed had time to go to London to meet a man for a cosy weekend. She also said that she had had a terrible virus where her daughter had been vomitting, and she been unable to swallow and very ill. I felt really sorry for her when she first told me, and then she said she'd been so ill that she couldnt even change the bed and her daughter had puked and wee'd on it and all she could do was turn the duvet round...but on further talking to her she said she had still been smoking...Im sorry, but if you can still smoke, you arent so ill that you cant put a nappy on your child are you? I find it all odd. She came to see me at the weekend, and the first night she coughed all night violently but still continued smoking the next day (and leaving her fag ends all over my garden). Then I woke to find my bathroom bin emptied all over the floor and she'd taken it to be sick in. Then she burst in on my boyfriend twice while he was naked having a shower and had a poo in front of him, then she had terrible diaorrhea and pooed herself running up the stairs. I was just completely shocked and didnt know what to say... I went out with boyfriend to give her some space and clean up but when I got back she was drinking coffee like nothing had happened, she then later went out to a party. Can someone give me some perspective, tell me what they think. Am I being a bitch, should I do more for her (she has a lot done for her anyway) or should i just say enough is enough. Sorry its a long post...and quite weird!

OP posts:
TheresaMayHaveaBiscuit · 29/05/2012 13:48

Exactly OP, why would anyone make THAT up?

BumpingFuglies · 29/05/2012 13:49

She used a nappy to clean herself - did you not have any loo roll?

rainydaysarebad · 29/05/2012 13:50

She fits into nappies? Grin

I knew she'd have manky teeth - I knew it!

Does she smell of BO too?

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:51

she had more than one pair of knickers claw4. she put a nappy in her knickers in case she couldnt get to the toilet quick enough...of course we had toilet roll.

OP posts:
MeKathryn · 29/05/2012 13:53

I expect people think you're making it up because they've heard of the poo troll Wink

tethersend · 29/05/2012 13:54

Pull my finger.

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:54

right ok, this is a genuine post, and Ive had a few sensible replies but everyone else thinks its made up...i have better things to do with my time so forget it, I do understand that it is too crazy to be real but sadly it is, which makes me realise that my horror of the weekend was completely justified and I need to do something about it. hope you all had a good laugh though.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 29/05/2012 13:54

So if there is the slightest chance that this is true, why the actual fuck would you not report it to SS and get those poor kids some help?? You dont think they are in any danger....a mother who can behave so irrational without warning and their basic needs being neglected....you dont think they are in any danger - get a fucking grip!

If this is real, grow up, report it to SS, and come back and update when you have!

Hullygully · 29/05/2012 13:55

I believe you woah.

A bit

BumpingFuglies · 29/05/2012 13:55

There is just so much going on with this friend OP. Sounds like you should get rid! She's hardly been respectful to you and your home.

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:55

i've not heard of the poo troll sorry

OP posts:
HeartsLovesTheDiamondJubilee · 29/05/2012 13:55

What Damnbamboo said.

And thanks nagoo.

Snorbs · 29/05/2012 13:57

More than one person here have suggested she might have a drink and/or drug problem. You appear to have studiously ignored every single one of those suggestions. Is there a reason for that?

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:58

i think thats really unfair babydubs to tell me to grow up. Do you think its easy to report somebody to ss? I'm not convinced ss would do anything anyway as their basic needs haven't been neglected. Only the time when she was ill was disgusting and makes me want to say something, but I think that she would just say she was really ill and couldnt do anything else.

OP posts:
woahthere · 29/05/2012 14:01

well the night before the 'poo incident' she had bought some guiness, but the next day i saw she'd only had a quarter of it, if that. I think at times she can drink too much, but probably no so bad I would say it was a drink problem, but then again I am not with her all the time. I've never seen her touch drugs, ever.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 29/05/2012 14:01

So you don't want to get help for the children. (Which is as easy as a phone call.) You don't want to consider drink or drug issues. What do you really want?

LineRunner · 29/05/2012 14:02

Sorry, I see you have dismissed drink and drugs.

lollilou · 29/05/2012 14:04

Ok I'm going to treat this as real.
First of all most of your post was negative about her. It does sound as if she has an addiction(alcohol/drugs?) If she had an upset stomach then I can (just about) understand going into the bathroom whilst your bf was there and pooing on the stairs whilst trying to make it to the toilet. Horrible but some people have different levels of modesty. Also taking the bin to be sick in, better than the floor surely?
If you are truly concerned about her and her children then you need to talk to her, a long talk from the sounds of it. Don't accuse her just gently point out your issues with her behavior and try and find a way to help her.
Don't let the friendship go without at least trying.

claw4 · 29/05/2012 14:05

Oh ok, was just clarifying, i thought she was wearing the nappy!

threetequilafloor · 29/05/2012 14:06

omg and ewwwwww

BumpingFuglies · 29/05/2012 14:07

I don't get the SS bit - just because her house is dirty? Seems a bit extreme. She obviously needs help though.

LineRunner · 29/05/2012 14:08

SS because the daughter was lying in her own urine and vomit.

woahthere · 29/05/2012 14:08

when did i say i didnt want to get help for the children?! They spend half the week with their Dad thankfully, and like I said, when she is on form she really is a good Mum. To be fair, most of the time when she has done strange things she isn't with the children. She could have a drink problem to be honest, albeit not an everyday one.

OP posts:
Panda1234 · 29/05/2012 14:09

Why doesn't your boyfriend lock the bathroom door though?

I thought she was wearing the nappy too!

LineRunner · 29/05/2012 14:09

And because SS do help people who are struggling. They don't just do dawn raids.