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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be shocked about friends behaviour and not know if I want to be her friend anymore!

112 replies

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:19

I've got a friend who is a quite odd at times. When I first knew her she was ok, a little kooky but it could at times be endearing. However, after about a year of knowing her she became quite hardgoing really. I moved away from the area but we kept in touch. Since then her behaviour has become increasingly erratic. She is one of those kind of people who always have to turn a conversation around so that it is about them, no matter what it is. She would ring me late at night and be talking to me for hours and I could tell she was getting drunker and drunker as she talked to me. Ive always tried to be a good friend to her and supportive, but after a long while it became completely tiresome. Then she split up from her husband and became very erratic (which yes I know is to be expected) she claims to have spd from 4 years ago and wears a belt to support it. I've often felt worried about her because at times she has had a comode downstairs as she says she cant get up the stairs. Shortly after splitting up from her husband she went really bad and could do nothing, she would ring me and tell me about all of this and she was basically calling all kinds of people in to help her with her daughter as she said she couldnt even change her nappy. However, everybody was getting very angry with her because they were saying she was making it up. At first i felt very angry on her behalf, but then i started to see their point as she was going out and getting drunk and there photos of her on facebook dancing and having a merry time. So then I thought that she must be really struggling emotionally, and that if she was prepared to lie so hard about it she must really be not quite right in herself. I went round to her house while she was away and spent a whole day cleaning it to help as it was disgusting and I was worried about her children being in that filth, but then since then shes done lots of things that sort of make her look like she just wants to go out and have a good time. The thing is, Im just plain tired of the drama of her now. Ive realised she is draining me and I get nothing in return, shes not interested in my problems or supporting me and some things she does just disgust me. It was her daughters birthday the other day and she didnt even get her a present. She said she hadnt had time, but the weekend before shed had time to go to London to meet a man for a cosy weekend. She also said that she had had a terrible virus where her daughter had been vomitting, and she been unable to swallow and very ill. I felt really sorry for her when she first told me, and then she said she'd been so ill that she couldnt even change the bed and her daughter had puked and wee'd on it and all she could do was turn the duvet round...but on further talking to her she said she had still been smoking...Im sorry, but if you can still smoke, you arent so ill that you cant put a nappy on your child are you? I find it all odd. She came to see me at the weekend, and the first night she coughed all night violently but still continued smoking the next day (and leaving her fag ends all over my garden). Then I woke to find my bathroom bin emptied all over the floor and she'd taken it to be sick in. Then she burst in on my boyfriend twice while he was naked having a shower and had a poo in front of him, then she had terrible diaorrhea and pooed herself running up the stairs. I was just completely shocked and didnt know what to say... I went out with boyfriend to give her some space and clean up but when I got back she was drinking coffee like nothing had happened, she then later went out to a party. Can someone give me some perspective, tell me what they think. Am I being a bitch, should I do more for her (she has a lot done for her anyway) or should i just say enough is enough. Sorry its a long post...and quite weird!

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 29/05/2012 13:32

She sounds ill. Is she on drugs? Sounds like serious substance abuse to me.

rhondajean · 29/05/2012 13:33

For once I'm speechless.

Erm move to a house with more than one bathrooms before you have her to visit again perhaps?

scarletforya · 29/05/2012 13:33

She sounds like an alcoholic. She also sounds like an unfit Mother I'm afraid. Stop soft soaping her and report her to social services.

LineRunner · 29/05/2012 13:34

sadsac's post is very wise.

rainydaysarebad · 29/05/2012 13:35

OP - can I ask, when you came back from "giving her space" had she cleaned the poo and most importantly cleaned herself? Or was she just sitting there in her own filth drinking coffee? Does he brush her teeth?

Convert · 29/05/2012 13:35

Is she drinking or taking drugs? If not then it sounds like she has mental health issues. You have been a really good friend to her but I can see why you're frustrated. Could you maybe talk to her about contacting her health visitor if she is struggling with her daughter. If she is on drugs it may be well hidden but I think the erratic behaviour suggests that.

Noqontrol · 29/05/2012 13:35

This might be a dumb question, but has she got an alcohol problem? I knew someone similar to this and their story involved a lot of poo too. Ssd and the drug alcohol team got involved because of the risks to the children.

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 29/05/2012 13:35

Or for the short of time..

Thread title: AIBU to ditch my friend with weird boundary issues?

OP: She burst in on my boyfriend when he was naked in the shower so she could poo on the toilet. Twice.

Reply: YANBU

TheresaMayHaveaBiscuit · 29/05/2012 13:36

Gosh! Poo, wee, vomit - it's like bodily emissions bingo ...

hopkinette · 29/05/2012 13:37

Here you go OP.

claw4 · 29/05/2012 13:37

I have a friend like this, apart from the pooing!

You either take the friendship for what it is or you dont.

DucketyDuckDuck · 29/05/2012 13:37

Hiya read through and getting the gist, it sounds to me like she is an addict of some sort. Alcoholic? I don't say that lightly, I am an alcholic with 9 yrs sobriety. Or maybe bipolar? Quite similar behaviour when an alkie is using.

Whatever is actually wrong, you are enabling her to continue with this behaviour. Stop. You are getting dragged into her drama. All the time she knows you will "pick her up" so to speak, she will not do anything to help herself. If you are worried about the kids maybe do something like call someone official. But beyond that let her get on with it.

I hope I don't sound too hard, I don't mean to! Good Luck.

AllYoursBabooshka · 29/05/2012 13:38

blatant casual coffee drinking

:o

DamnBamboo · 29/05/2012 13:39

yuck hopkinette

Iggly · 29/05/2012 13:39

Report her to SS. Why aren't you more concerned about her child?

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:40

rainydaysarebad she still had the same dress on but her knickers were hanging on the line. She'd used one of my childrens nappies and thought it was hilarious and showed me it in her knickers (she doesnt seem to get embarassed about these things and will often walk into hte bathroom and pull down her knickers for a wee in front of me so I have to walk away and quickly close the door). No poo on floor but I have thoroughly cleaned everything since she left, my boyfriend was disgusted. Her teeth are rank, Im not sure if she ever cleans them.

OP posts:
DucketyDuckDuck · 29/05/2012 13:41

Oh, would like to point out though, I NEVER burst in on anyone or did random poo's anywhere will drinking.

Shock
QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 13:43

I cant ever remember this happening in the day time.

Olivia must be on duty today. Wink

claw4 · 29/05/2012 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hullygully · 29/05/2012 13:44

I would like to hear more about her and the nappies please.

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 13:44

I bet it is her birthday even. Wink

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:44

If I report her to social services would she know it was me that did it? I dont think her children are in danger and I don't think they would be taken away, but I do sometimes feel sorry for them...but on the flip side, she does love them very much and can be lovely as well. When she's not being weird, she's really quite good...if that makes sense. I can see why everyone thinks its funny, because it's just so bizarre, but I genuinely can tell you now, it didn't feel funny at the time. I've told her she needs to go to the doctor but she shrugs it off.

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 29/05/2012 13:46

No she wouldn't!

woahthere · 29/05/2012 13:46

it's bloody real! why would anyone make THAT up!

OP posts:
claw4 · 29/05/2012 13:48

Her knickers were on the line and she was wearing a nappy, when you returned?