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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be quite happy to leave my DS with my mum for a few hours?

98 replies

nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:09

I know this is a thread about a thread kind of! I was reading the other AIBU thread yesterday and today and started to feel a bit like I must be a bit strange!

I think it was only ten days after I had my first baby when I went to the doctor and left my DS with my DH. I was having trouble with healing from my episiotiomy and needed antibiotics, so I was having a bit of a nightmare.

It felt so good to be out in the sunshine by myself after sitting in the house feeling shit so I went to the supermarket fore a few bits we needed instead of going home and sending DH. Just being out, driving around alone really helped me feel like myself again, it was just what I needed.

Then 2 weeks after the birth my mum came to stay, she lives 400 miles away so we don't get to see her as often as we'd like and she offered to babysit while we went for a meal. So we did, and it was lovely.

Reading the other thread has made me feel as though I'm a bit weird to feel quite relaxed to leave him, with someone I know and trust obviously, we're not talking random people or anything! Is it that strange or is that thread just disproportionately populated by those who won't leave their pfbs with anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:10

fore = for!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 28/05/2012 12:11

YANBU at all, and your actions were exactly what all of my friends who have had babies did.

SarkyWench · 28/05/2012 12:12

if you are weird then so am i :)

I never have done the "can't bear to be parted thing".

BlackOutTheSun · 28/05/2012 12:13

Not seeing the problem Grin

Then again I did pack off my dd to my mums for a weekend, when she was 8 weeks old.

StealthPolarBear · 28/05/2012 12:14

Did you not worry about your DS crying for you though? If I could have gone out and left them knowing they would be happy, I think I would have gone out earlier, so I don't disagree in principle, but the thought of my baby crying and the adult in charge being unable to settle them stressed me out.

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:15

Oh good! The other thread was almost exclusively full of people who had never been parted from their babies in months. My mum is visiting again when it's our 5th wedding anniversary, so we're going out for the day just the two of us. I wouldn't leave him with her overnight yet but that's really for her benefit more than anything, he doesn't sleep much at night at the moment!

OP posts:
takingiteasy · 28/05/2012 12:16

I got my nails done 2 weeks after having my son who is 5 weeks old. Last weekend my mum took him for a couple of hours as I was feeling really unwell. To be honest if I wasn't breastfeeding he'd probably be going over night at some point in the next couple of weeks!

ruby22 · 28/05/2012 12:17

Not at all. I still crave that time to myself and when I get the chance always offer to pop to the shops, supermarket, anywhere just to get that feeling of being free for a while. Small children are demanding and full on and it restores my sanity just to have that time away from them. Anyone who says they don,t need that are lying, crazy or a martyr.

strawberrypenguin · 28/05/2012 12:17

I think the first time I left the house without my DS he was a week old I popped to the local shop and led him home with DH (if I couldn't trust my DH with someone/thing that important he wouldn't be my DH!) and then when DS was about 6 weeks my parents babysat for an afternoon while DH and I went out alone to the cinema.
As you say I wouldn't leave DS with just anyone but my DH, parents and PIL are not 'just anyone' although opportunity doesn't come round often for our parents to babysit SmileI love my DS completely but sometimes a few hours away from him works wonders (I'm still on mat leave)

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:18

If I thought he'd be upset it'd be different, but he didn't seem fazed at all, and hopefully it'll stay that way. I plan to return to work full time as well, with DH being the SAHP, so I need DS to not rely totally on me for comfort. I don't want him to be too upset when that happens, so DH is really doing a lot of the childcare when he's not at work already.

OP posts:
INeverFinishAnythi · 28/05/2012 12:18

YANBU. I first left mine with the grandparents at about 3 weeks for the afternoon. Then overnight at about 3 months. They enjoyed it, I enjoyed it, DS was fine and now at 3.5 I have a little boy who is more than confident to stay with family for 3 nights, and loves every minute. Unlike my friend, whose 7 YEAR old still won't stay with anyone else, ever. Being a parent shouldn't mean you give up your life entirely for years on end.

milkymocha · 28/05/2012 12:18

I dont think you are unreasonable but personally iam in the 'cant bare to be parted' group.
Doesnt mean either of us are worse or better mothers than the other - just that we different! Smile

SarkyWench · 28/05/2012 12:18

I think that SPB makes a good point, and that all of this isn't just about the type of parent that you are, but about the type of baby that you have.
DS1 was a very laid back happy baby and as long as he got his milk he couldn't have cared less who was giving it to him. He only got clingy at about 9 months.

annalovesmrbates · 28/05/2012 12:18

Yanbu, sounds pretty much like what I/we did!

annalovesmrbates · 28/05/2012 12:18

Yanbu, sounds pretty much like what I/we did!

TandB · 28/05/2012 12:20

I just went out for milk and left two sleeping DSs in the care of the electrician.

[considers ending post there for major shock value]

The electrician is an old friend of DP's family though. And the round trip to buy milk is precisely 6 minutes.

Whatmeworry · 28/05/2012 12:20

to be quite happy to leave my DS with my mum for a few hours?

Of course - do you believe she did a decent job with you...(hint...you're alive :) )

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:20

He is 6 weeks now, do you think as he becomes more aware he'll start getting upset if we're not there? I hope that if we get him used to it he'll be alright with it. My mum is going to be staying for a few days every month - 6 weeks or so, and we're planning on taking advantage when she's here if he's happy to be left with her.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 28/05/2012 12:21

I think DD would ahve been fine but as she was my second I didn't realise. DS could not have been parted from me for more than an hour. I did leae him with DH, of course, from a few days old, for as long as it took me to pop to the local shop, but it wasn't till he was about 11m (and started nursery) that we left him with anyone else for any significant length of time, I think.
DD was left with my mum and aunt while I went to an interview when she was about 7m. That was incredibly stressful but she was fine.

thisisyesterday · 28/05/2012 12:31

i didn't like being away from my babies, partly bbecause i just wanted to have them with me, and partly because i was breastfeeding so i needed them with me for feeding

i guess if oyu are bottle feeding it becomes infinitely easier to leave your baby from a pratical point of view.

if you're happy, baby is happy then i don't see the problem

OldGreyWiffleTest · 28/05/2012 12:31

I've never been 'attached 24/7' and look aghast at people who are! Give me some 'me time' any day of the week.

When my son was 3 months old I had to leave him for 3 days - he was absolutely fine with my very trusted and competent Mother.

Pochemuchka · 28/05/2012 12:32

YABU

(not really I'm just Envy )

I am in a position where my family is not local and XP's mum is an alcoholic and has mental health issues that are not being treated so no way I'd leave the DC with her!

I consider myself to lean more towards the AP side of parenting (EBF, co-sleeping etc) but if my mum or brother lived nearby I'd happily hand the children over for a couple of hours! every day

DinahMoHum · 28/05/2012 12:32

YANBU

Ive always been happy to leave my children with my mother from fairly early.

Im very much my own person and while i love my children, motherhood doesnt define me, and i trust my mum completely with my children. i also trust my MIL with them

ScallyFloss · 28/05/2012 12:33

I went on a hen night 6 weeks after giving birth and left my husband in charge! Had a bloody good time too!

Yorkpud · 28/05/2012 12:33

I was desperate to get out but due to having hungry babies who seemed to need feeding constantly I wasn't able to get away at all when they were really young as they hadn't tried a bottle yet. I wouldn't have had enough time before they were screaming for more food _ they are still the same now (hungry) but luckily I don't breastfeed anymore now they are 5 and 7!!!