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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be quite happy to leave my DS with my mum for a few hours?

98 replies

nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:09

I know this is a thread about a thread kind of! I was reading the other AIBU thread yesterday and today and started to feel a bit like I must be a bit strange!

I think it was only ten days after I had my first baby when I went to the doctor and left my DS with my DH. I was having trouble with healing from my episiotiomy and needed antibiotics, so I was having a bit of a nightmare.

It felt so good to be out in the sunshine by myself after sitting in the house feeling shit so I went to the supermarket fore a few bits we needed instead of going home and sending DH. Just being out, driving around alone really helped me feel like myself again, it was just what I needed.

Then 2 weeks after the birth my mum came to stay, she lives 400 miles away so we don't get to see her as often as we'd like and she offered to babysit while we went for a meal. So we did, and it was lovely.

Reading the other thread has made me feel as though I'm a bit weird to feel quite relaxed to leave him, with someone I know and trust obviously, we're not talking random people or anything! Is it that strange or is that thread just disproportionately populated by those who won't leave their pfbs with anyone?

OP posts:

AWomanCalledHorse · 28/05/2012 12:34

Yanbu. We've had 3 weekends away from 5 month old DS & have had numerous baby free days, DH has baby& me free time every week & visa versa.
He's not a clingy baby & is happy for anyone to look after him, so that's part of it.

Katienana · 28/05/2012 12:35

Surely everyone is different, the main thing is that mothers should not be separated from their babies until they are ready and equally should not be forced to be sole carers 24/7 if they don't want that.

TerraNotSoFirma · 28/05/2012 12:38

YANBU

I sent DD with MIL for two nights when she was 5 weeks old, I was tearful as they left, Once I got the 'We've arrived safely' phonecall, I was fine.

My best friend on the other hand, Never had a night away from her DD until she was 7 years old, Despite there being numerous offers of overnight stays, She just couldn't let herself trust anyone to look after her.

Each to their own and all that but the occasional time out I get from the DC saves what is left of my sanity (of which there isn't much really)

marshmallowpies · 28/05/2012 12:40

I went for a drink with a friend & DH looked after DD for 2.5 hours when she was about 3.5 weeks old. I didn't exactly pine for her but as DH arrived to pick me up I got an overwhelming rush of excitement that I was about to see her again - as if I was about to see my best friend who I'd not seen in years, not a baby I'd only been parted from a few hours!

We are spending the jubilee weekend at DH's parents where there will be a street party going on & I expect everyone there will want to cuddle DD. I am anticipating getting rather het up if after several hours other people are still cooing over her & I haven't had a chance to cuddle her myself! But will have to repress my possessive mummy urges!

LST · 28/05/2012 12:43

Not weird at all. My DS is newly 7mo and he's stayed the night at both sets of gp's since he was about 2 months old. (we only live round the corner from both of them) I enjoy the break sometimes.

molly3478 · 28/05/2012 12:43

I did to but from reading part of that thread and similar ones in the past it seems to be if the parent doesnt trust their dh, parents, ils to look after their babies/children as they do strange things to them/not care for them properly. Eg try and early wean them, smoke/drink in front of them or whatever else

TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/05/2012 12:46

Marshmallow, why would you get upset that friends and family cuddling and cooing over your dc means you can't cuddle her?
Don't you cuddle her every day???

I am in the "palm the 3 of them onto DH or family as soon as possible" school of though, they grew up ok!

Mishy1234 · 28/05/2012 12:47

YANBU. If you felt comfortable doing it (and you obviously did), then why not.

I didn't feel comfortable leaving either of mine until about 8 months as I was bf and knew they wouldn't settle easily. It was the thought of them being upset and me not being there which bothered me, rather than the need for me to be with them iyswim.

GnocchiNineDoors · 28/05/2012 12:49

I left 2 1/2 week old DD with my parents for a few hours while DH and I went out for dinner. I was nervous, but relaxed eventually and had a lovely evening.

I got back to my parents to see a snuggled, bathed DD wrapped up in her little carrycot snoozing next to my DMum.

I understand those who don't want to leave their DCs without them at a young age, and don't think anyone shuld be forced int leaving DCs when they don't feel comfortable.

However, I am of the mindset that a two week old baby needs cuddles, milk, and somewhere warm and safe. My DMum is perfectly capable of delivering these needs, so I had no reason to believe that my DD would be un-settleable.

DD hasn't stayed out overnight with anyone yet (she is 5mo) but no doubt the time will come, and i'm sure she will be absoloutiley fine.

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:49

Yes, obviously if there are trust issues it's a bit different! And bottle feeding helps too! I did try and breastfeed and failed miserably. That combined with everything else was part of the reason it felt so good that first time to get away and clear my head, I was going a bit crazy stuck at home. Being permanently attached to such a demanding new baby 24/7 is such a shock to the system!

I mean it goes without saying (I hope) that I love him to bits and love being with him for the majority of the time but a wee break now and again is lovely too! And I'm not a Gina Ford type mum either, I have found that cosleeping is the only way he'll sleep at the moment at night. We're having some wind trouble I think. And I'll happily hold him all day when that's what he wants too.

OP posts:

BigBoobiedBertha · 28/05/2012 12:51

I left DS1 when he was 6 weeks old to go to my post natal check up alone and it was fab to be out without him. I did feel a bit like I had lost something but I still enjoyed it.

Sadly, it didn't happen much after until he was 7mths+, as he was bf and I never got the hang of expressing.

DS2 wasn't such a guzzler and could be left for longer than DS1 so I took DS1 out for some mummy/DS time when DS2 was only 6 days old. We went to buy DH a birthday cake. Again lovely to have a bit of freedom from bump and baby.

I never managed a whole night though. Nobody would have them!

Laquitar · 28/05/2012 12:51

There is no 'weird' and 'no weird' thu is it?

Personally, i was like you happy to leave a baby with gps but i got paranoid when they were toddlers. I was thinking that pushing a pram with a baby is easy peasy but a toddler can run off, i was imagining all sort of accidents. I don't know if this makes sense or if i had mild anxiety.

Tee2072 · 28/05/2012 12:57

I left my 11 day old son, who got out of SCBU on day 9, with my husband and step-dad while my mom and I went to dinner and a play.

I just sent my now nearly 3 year old son to the park with just my mom yesterday.

And he doesn't see her but every 6 months or so as she lives in the US.

Ephiny · 28/05/2012 13:06

Sounds reasonable to me, actually I think it would be a bit odd not to want to leave your baby with his own dad while you go to the doctor's or the supermarket (assuming dad was responsible/capable). And nothing wrong with a trusted family member babysitting while you go out for a meal. If baby was fine, and your mum was happy to look after him, and you were happy too, what's the problem?

I haven't read the other thread, but don't think you need to worry about what other people do or don't do, no doubt they have their personal reasons or maybe a slightly different situation from you.

TiddlesTheNaughtyTortoise · 28/05/2012 13:23

I think I would have been OK leaving either DD with someone I trusted in the early days, but with no family local and being the first of my friends to have a baby it wasn't really an option.

And then the longer you go without leaving them the harder it becomes. I've never left 6 mo dd2 with anyone and have to go to a wedding without her on Friday and am totally dreading it already!

kmdwestyorks · 28/05/2012 13:39

i work away alot and financially had to go back to work at 6 months. DD got left with GP's overnight on a weekly basis. These days she stays with DH of goes for girly nights in with SIL.

Terrible to be away but then again, the roof, four walls and food on the table are quite nice.

As far as DD thinks about it now (3years) mummy works away but she always come back and it's okay to miss people

ToriaPumpkin · 28/05/2012 13:43

The day we came home from hospital (DS 2.5 days old) I left DH at home to go to Tesco alone to buy formula!

He's 7mo now and we've left him with my mum three times to go out for dinner and to the cinema but I really don't want to leave him with MIL. But then my mum (mostly) respects my decisions and wishes and MIL likes to give helpful "suggestions" and I'm fairly certain if she gets more than twenty minutes alone she'll be feeding him rich tea biscuits and milky tea...

I'm also confident that when he cries my mum can deal with it, the first two times we've left him he's got upset and she's cuddled and calmed him (in one case fed him), and the third time she was so confident she put his dream sheep on and patted him and then left him to it and he went straight down! MIL OTOH tends to look at him as if he's about to explode and hold him at arm's length...

Booette · 28/05/2012 13:48

YANBU. If you have someone you trust to leave him with then there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm someone who didn't leave my babies for ages, but that's my choice. And i was breastfeeding, so wasn't able to go out for long anyway.

I wouldn't worry about what anyone else does, if you are comfortable with what you are doing and baby is then that's all that matters.

weatherrain · 28/05/2012 13:49

I would have been quite happy to leave my newborn with my mum in the early days. Not so with inlaws. I think it's quite different (though I know many would find that unacceptable).

Loonybun · 28/05/2012 14:00

Yanbu.

I left my dd with my mum at 6 weeks for a night in a hotel at a friends wedding... Best sleep I'd had in all those 6 weeks (didn't want to go back ... Well nearly!!! )

I don't get the whole "can't leave the baby" thing either... They won't suffer being apart from you for a few hours etc and its good to remember what its like to be pre-baby! :)

Bluegrass · 28/05/2012 14:00

Weatherrain - what is the difference? Yoru parents are also in-laws to your DP! Does he object to you leaving the baby with them?

FunnyLovesTheJubilee · 28/05/2012 14:04

I have never had an issue being parted from my DC. Right from an early age I'd be happy to leave them for a night or two. They have never cried for me or DH AFAIK and have never had any difficulty going off to CM/school etc. I'm fairly sure they don't miss me at all!

MummyPigsFatTummy · 28/05/2012 14:07

I had to go back into hospital for three nights a couple of weeks after DD was born (we had only just been released from maternity).

For various spurious reasons, the hospital wouldn't let DD stay too so she spent the time with DH. As they wouldn't let me breastfeed her due to antibiotics (also wrongly apparently), she was FF so that side of it wasn't a problem. It was the worst 3 days of my life though. However, I certainly wouldn't think twice about leaving DD with DH after that (not that I would have anyway).

Funnily enough, she is now 2.6 and she has never spent another night away from me, although I suspect a sleepover with her GPs at some time soon is on the cards.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 28/05/2012 14:07

Of course YANBU. BUT on the other thread a lot of people thought the OP was being unreasonable not to leave her child at all in 5 months (including with her DH) and the others thought that if she was going to leave her child that should be her choice and not pushed on her by the child's grandmother before she was ready. This is not the same as saying you shouldn't ever leave your child. You could leave them at an hour old with a responsible adult if you wanted to and that wouldn't be unreasonable even though it wouldn't be what most people wanted to do.

ToriaPumpkin · 28/05/2012 14:13

I've just remembered actually, when I was in having my induction there was a woman in the bed opposite who had two small children (four and two) They weren't allowed on the ward so the father had to take them away to stay with family members. While he was gone she was crying so I asked if she was ok. She had NEVER been apart from them. Not even to leave them with their father to go to Tesco.

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