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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be quite happy to leave my DS with my mum for a few hours?

98 replies

nightowlmostly · 28/05/2012 12:09

I know this is a thread about a thread kind of! I was reading the other AIBU thread yesterday and today and started to feel a bit like I must be a bit strange!

I think it was only ten days after I had my first baby when I went to the doctor and left my DS with my DH. I was having trouble with healing from my episiotiomy and needed antibiotics, so I was having a bit of a nightmare.

It felt so good to be out in the sunshine by myself after sitting in the house feeling shit so I went to the supermarket fore a few bits we needed instead of going home and sending DH. Just being out, driving around alone really helped me feel like myself again, it was just what I needed.

Then 2 weeks after the birth my mum came to stay, she lives 400 miles away so we don't get to see her as often as we'd like and she offered to babysit while we went for a meal. So we did, and it was lovely.

Reading the other thread has made me feel as though I'm a bit weird to feel quite relaxed to leave him, with someone I know and trust obviously, we're not talking random people or anything! Is it that strange or is that thread just disproportionately populated by those who won't leave their pfbs with anyone?

OP posts:

Kayano · 28/05/2012 20:25

I actually think its lovely watching your baby develop relationships with others

And the best part of leaving your baby is coming back to your baby and gettig beaming smiles!

MrsHuxtable · 28/05/2012 20:25

I breastfeed DD and don't express milk. Her feeds aren't predictable at all. So the only times I've been away from her (she's 4 months) is when DD has taken her for a walk for 1.5hrs max as she's mostly asleep then and won't need food.

If I wanted to leave her with someone for longer I'd have to express milk which I don't want to do. So there can be practical reasons for not leaving your baby.

mynewpassion · 28/05/2012 20:26

My sister left her 7 month old baby for me to babysit for 5 nights when she and her husband attended a close family member's funeral several hundred miles away. They didn't want to take the baby and it would've been too stressful for them both. The baby was fine. I wasn't so fine as I was sleep deprive a bit as she still work up at 3 am and at 6 am. They missed her more than she missed them. I sent them pictures of her every day and they called her at least 5 times a day. She was more interested in eating the phone than hearing her parents' voices.

missmalteser · 28/05/2012 20:35

I remember the first night out after having dd1, she was around 4 weeks and my dm took her for a couple of hours while exp and I went out to dinner, we spent a lovely 2 hours just talking about her! I personally was glad of a few hours or the odd night put when dd's babies, but only because I knew they were with immediate family who I trusted, I wouldn't have felt comfortable otherwise

Shenanagins · 28/05/2012 20:37

I was beginning to feel like a crap mum reading the other thread whereby the majority of postes were in the can't bear to be parted camp (not that there is anything up with that).

I did go out on my own and quite happily left him screaming with his grandparents- the poor wee guy had reflux and it helped to restore my sanity after constant screaming all day.

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 28/05/2012 20:41

I was very precious with ds. I left him for an hour with dh when he was 2 weeks old to get my nails done and it was torture. I then left him for 2 hours with my mum while we went to the pub for 2 hours, I ended up rocking back and forward with nerves so we went home!

Next time round I think I will be very different, and hope that I have a baby that feels the same!

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 28/05/2012 20:41

(the pub for 2 hours was when he was 4 months)

Spookey80 · 28/05/2012 20:46

I think it's healthy for the dcs. If you are strange, well then so am I.

lola88 · 28/05/2012 21:07

I left DS at 2 days old for 4 hours it was to visit my grandad in the hospice who died 2 days after that and couldn't bring DS because the day before i visited and everyone was in his face and the nurses were worried he'd pick something up. You would not believe how many rude comments i got about leaving my new born but it was the last time i seen grandad and DS was with his father. Bet no one would have a prob with DP leaving for a few hours.

I've never understood the i can't bear to be parted thing but i'm close to my family and trust the people he's with to care for him the way i would. If they are away from you since they are tiny it's normal for them and they are confident you will come back. DS is 16 weeks now and stays with his granny or nana almost every weekend he doesn't bother about me in the slightest until i come back then he's very cuddly for a bit which is lovely.

lola88 · 28/05/2012 21:10

btw not all weekend just one night. i am most deff a better mum for having a great sleep every week and a lucky cow

lou2321 · 28/05/2012 22:10

I've never had the separation anxiety thing and always been happy to leave the DCs with DH or my mum/mil from pretty much day 1 (well 2 weeks probably once fit enough to go out after c-sec).

DH and I go away for weekends either together or separately and feel completely comfortable leaving them.

cory · 29/05/2012 08:58

To me, it's not just about the baby, it's also about who you leave in charge. Dh was so close to his babies from the very start that I felt no different leaving them with him than he felt leaving them with me; it was just a given that we were both equally close to them and if they wouldn't settle for him then they probably wouldn't settle for me either.

annalovesmrbates · 29/05/2012 09:03

For some people, leaving a tiny baby isn't a choice. I know someone who has her own business and had to go back part time when her DS was 6 weeks old. Hard but necessary.

annalovesmrbates · 29/05/2012 09:03

For some people, leaving a tiny baby isn't a choice. I know someone who has her own business and had to go back part time when her DS was 6 weeks old. Hard but necessary.

BsshBossh · 29/05/2012 10:21

Well, considering DD was in the sole care of DH for the first hour or two of her life whilst I was recovering from an emergency CS, I had no problem at all leaving her with him to go for a walk, sleep, shop, see friends from Day One. On Day Three of her life, MIL came down to help and we left DD with her for a few hours as it was obvious MIL knew what she was doing and DD was very calm with her. Thereafter MIL came down every month and I would go out for a few hours or sleep. At 10 months I went to NYC for ten days. DD was happy as anything. She's 4 now and can happily stay with MIL, her aunt or her Gran for more than a week.

AppleAndBlackberry · 29/05/2012 12:21

I think it's a breastfeeding thing really. I don't think babies tend to care that much until they're 8 or 9 months and get separation anxiety but if you are breastfeeding and you go out you tend to feel very anxious about your baby being upset and needing feeding because no-one else can do it. I was always happy to leave mine once they were on solids but I found it quite stressful before that because even if you go out for half an hour BF babies don't feed to a schedule so you don't know if they are going to be hungry or not. So YANBU in my opinion.

bobbledunk · 29/05/2012 12:40

yanbu, I would have cracked up a long time ago if I had nobody to take mine for a few hours so I could get a break. Nice for the baby to get a break too! As long as it's with someone who is bonded to them, loves them and will take good care of them and baby is happy with them, theres no problem.

Woodlands · 29/05/2012 12:45

I found that until six weeks or so I couldn't quite bear to let DS out of my sight - someone described it as an invisible umbilical cord and that's what it felt like. After that I started up a hobby again and started leaving him with DH for one evening a week, but that was hard going for DH as he was still in the cluster feeding stage and a bottle of EBM just wouldn't do. The first time we left him awake with anyone else was at about five months when my mum had him for an afternoon, and he managed to go four hours between feeds for once (she had some EBM she was going to spoon into him if necessary). Breastfeeding is very tying. I still haven't spent a night apart from DS (he's 22 months) as he still BFs before bed and first thing. DH would like me to stop so we can leave him with grandparents overnight, but I don't see that as a good enough reason to stop BFing till we're ready.

lou2321 · 29/05/2012 19:21

I breastfed on a schedule (awful mother I know) so I knew I had 4 hours with DS1 and about 3 with DS2 but I also expressed milk and gave formula if I needed to. It worked for us but its an individual thing and doesn't work for everyone.

I can't think of anything worse than being told you should or shouldn't be able to leave your DCs. Its really no one elses business on way or another.

Herrena · 29/05/2012 19:34

I thoroughly enjoyed any time that I got to myself during DS's early days still do. My 'time off' was a jealously-guarded right!

DH has always happily done loads of childcare and never complains, bless him.

I don't understand the 'can't bear to be parted' thing either. I know that there are often practical reasons but I've honestly never been fussed. Hey ho, we are all different. Good to know some of us are different in similar ways though :)

skybluepearl · 29/05/2012 19:40

I couldn't have physically done that at 2 weeks or 10 days as I was BFing on demand. I wouldn't have wanted to leave my DC either but each to their own. Everyone has to do whats comfortable for them.

ScampiFriesRuleOK · 31/05/2012 15:35

Finding and reading this thread has been such a joy and a relief. DS is 12 months and ever since he was born I've craved and enjoyed time away from him occasionally. I love him to pieces, but have never felt the need or desire to be with him 24/7. I think some of that comes from me being an only child who has always enjoyed my own company and being on my own (and feels stifled being with someone else ALL the time).

When DS was 3 weeks old my mum had him for the whole evening whilst me and DH went out for the eve for my bday (glorious it was too!). I didn't even think to check my mobile whilst out, let alone nervously wonder if everything was ok (which seems to be what all other parents do whilst out for the night). I also had to go to London for the day (I was away from home for 14 hours) when he was 3 months, and again I didn't really even think of him much!

I never worry about him whilst I'm at work (I trust my mum and his nursery).

As a result of all this laid-back-ness I've often wondered if there's something wrong with me or if I don't have a healthy attachment to him.

But reading the above posts from like-minded mums has helped me realise that we don't all have to be baby-wearing fanatics to still mean that we love our children and would do anything for them.
Feel MUCH better now, thanks all!

GetTheeToANunnery · 31/05/2012 15:41

We didn't leave ds with anyone till he was about 5-6 months old. Not cos we didn't trust them, I just had no inclination to leave the house much till then.
Since then (he's now 2) he's slept out at other family members houses loads of times. We even left him with mil for 10 days while we went on holiday. That was pure bliss :) don't think I could leave him for that long again though

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