WARNING this is a state v private education thread

[icarriedawatermelon2]

AIBU to feel that this is so unfair and that my DS should have the chance to experience all this? AIBU to feel really quite crap and that I have failed him?

To cut a long story short he is at nursery in an amazing prep school. He is there because it is on our door step and the nursery package was the best around in terms of flexible hours, extras etc. Anyway thats not the issue.

The issue is I have seen just how much is available to the children there but more importantly the amazing care of all the students, small classes, amazing setting, child centered learning, freedom to climb trees, etc.

We would be killing ourselves to send our children there :(
Our local state school has a lovely head, but is full to bursting, no space outside etc etc lots of heart there but you just can't compare the two schools.

My DC are every bit worth the best IMO! It makes me MAD that we can't afford it :(

Ok rant over....feel better for getting it out.

As opposed to being around plebs like us who choose state schools you mean?

Look I get what you're trying to say (even if I don't agree), but honestly, an awful lot of us who choose the state school system also want our children surrounded by motivated children / parents, have the best education they can etc.

And enployer's ni costs were 12.8% from 2003 so it's not exactly been a recent price hike there....

tannhauser I drive a crap car and live in a tiny house so that maybe just maybe I could send him to the school.

Interesting thread... We have recently turned down a music scholarship at a private school in favour of dd staying in the state system.

There is a lot more to having a happy and successful life than going to private school. And just take a look at the Cabinet......

sparks horrid and unceccesary

Op - I hear you. It's hard to see the best of the private sector but not quite have it in reach. I think that often people who belittle independent schools have no first hand experience.

We all want the best for our dc. And we can only judge for ourselves what "the best" is. I have decided to send our dc to a local state school having looked at every school locally - state and independent. Although the best independent school is better, we simply can't afford school fees for both dc from age 4. Once they reach 11 I will do everything necessary to move them into an independent school as there is a huge gap between the "outstanding" comprehensive they'd get into and the "outstanding" private school locally.

icarriedawatermelon2

Really interesting, whilst annoying flatpack. I keep thinking there must be a way of doing it. We are hard workers and just want DS to be inspired to be his best and being surrounded by as many people who believe in that principle is really important to me.

Well done for wanting the best for your child and not being prepared to accept second best. But you won't get any help from the state on this. It's all down to you. Did you think about setting up your own Free School?

spammertime you come across so rude. I didn't ever say you were a 'pleb' whatever that means!! Why are you creating my views for me??!! You are 100million miles away from my views believe me!

I felt that when DD was three too Watermelon....trouble is, you often can't tell until they're around 7 whether or not they are academic enough to cope with prep. Most preps ARE academic and there IS pressure.

Whether it is unfair or not have you thought about the consequences. I am not suggesting you are a lower class than the other people who will attend but how are you going to cope with the kids whose parents have more money and can afford the extra tutors when it comes to 11+, they can be very competitive. Is this what you want for your child?

hawkmoon269 your situations sounds just like ours. Secondary is much more a concern.

I think the main thing that has struck me from my little insight into this school is just how well they can care for the children. They know them so well because they have time to get to know them! 16 in a class allows for that. They have the freedom to change the curriculum etc. They also don't have mad rules like 'it's raining so no playtime' !

I agree with the OP. She wasn't saying that she was envious of what other people had merely that she feels its a shame that her DS can't continue at the lovely school they've found.

Great schools do exist in the state system though and the more parental support the school gets ie fundraising etc the better.

Watermelon, i get you,
My dd has been at an amazing prep, like you, because it was near, good hours etc..
It totally opened my eyes to how the 'other half live' in terms of opportunities.
We cant afford the fees once she gets to 5 yrs. the fees increase massively from prep to yr. 1
So she starts a state school in sept.
Its a really lovely state school, we arent catchment,so lucky to get a place,
However, i do feel sad that she cannot stay in a place with far better facilities and resources.
We just have to cut our cloth accordingly, it is, what it is. :(

True the house but the academic selection process is pretty rigourous even at a very young age. One local pre-prep has over 500 applications for 32 places to start in reception. Good independent schools don't offer places to children who are likely to struggle (if they're academically selective).

Yes - it's unfair.

It's unfair that some children have better life chances because their parents have more money.

There is no way you could explain the situation to CHILDREN and make it sound fair.

I feel your pain.

I have a 12 year old with no school place at all as I took her out of her local rough school as it was damaging her and us. She is now rattling around at home and I have no idea where I am going to send her. None of the local schools which I'm willing to send her to have places. I can't afford private.

"And since the last Labour government (ironically) made labour so expensive"

Because we all know that admin and support staff working at private schools earn HUGE salaries.

morethanpotatoprints you are right I have considered that. In the main it is not the 'posh' school locally, there are other schools for those parents, the parents there are bloody hard working and driving tin cans to pay for it etc.
On the flip side, I don't want him to be the spolit child in the state school!

The other possibility, icarriedawatermelon2, is that you find half a dozen like-minded mums and dads, and you find a couple of local retired private school teachers, and get them to give your kids extra lessons after school hours and at the weekend. If there's several of you it will spread the cost, the retired teachers will welcome the extra money, and your children will see some of the benefit of private education.

You could also throw your political support behind a party that backs the grammar school system wholeheartedly.

bumdrop thank you, nice to not be alone....well its not but you know what I mean!

"socialists hate you and I and anyone who wants to better themselves."

That's hilarious, do you really believe that?!

Shagmundfreud

Because we all know that admin and support staff working at private schools earn HUGE salaries.

You might've been being sarcastic but inadvertantly you've put your finger on the problem. Many of those admin jobs, including the one I did some years ago, were not highly paid but were essential. However the costs of hiring, and maintaining someone, in that job are now so high that people will avoid hiring if they can. It's not the salary that's the problem, it's the additional costs, such as 13% Employers NI.

I really don't think you get how you're coming across

You will not be the only parent at a state school who has a bit of money

My state educated son is at school with a viscount's grandson, a son of 2 very well paid gps, and several children who turn up in very nice cars and live in extremely nice houses!

Op, sounds like the school you've found has a great ethos. The school may dc will go to is 1 form entry and a brilliantly caring staff team. 50% of the children leave after year 6 to go to independent schools. There is no snobbery (or reverse snobbery).

Oh, and the children go out to play in the rain

the school MY dc will go to, not MAY sorry, iPhone...

Just a thought but if his prep school was good did he get really good results/ levels as sometimes this helps with bursaries, especially as your dc will be used to the system. I only have experience from dh who was a visiting specialist tutor in many of these schools. (Music). He told me many a story believe me. It also doesn't always go to show that private schools are the best education. It really does depend on the child. Are there any Grammar schools available for secondary if you could maybe manage to stretch to a private primary education. If it is so important to you I hope it works out but please look at all the other options. Completely off the wall here but have you considered home education until secondary. I am pondering this now.

I am frankly staggered at the rude and personal comments on here directed at op. You are coming across quite bitter and poor-me yourselves tbh.

Op, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting the best for your children and like you said 'the best' means different things to different people. What about making private school a focus for when they're older 11 or even 6th form if it's not possible now?

You have longer to put a plan in place to make it possible: scholarships, savings, looking at different employment...

My eldest has just started school and while she us in an excellent state primary school we are all delighted with, I am quite concerned about secondary school.. At the moment we are not going to be able to afford it. So I do understand..

bit confused too.. whats wrong for wanting the best for your child. i would one day love for dd to go to a school with excellent teachers, small classes and trees to climb, who wouldn't want the best for their child?

In reality, i know that's probably not going to be the case and dd will most likely be going to a standard local comp and we will push her to be the best she is able to be.

To be fair though, although i am not highly educated or particularly articulate and i need to use spell check on every jeffing post i write BUT I know that i am a caring, considerate trustworthy person who will help people in anyway i can. These are the qualities i want to instill in my dd. These are not qualities that you need to pay for through private education.

I think the state education system in this country is quite poor tbf. We are doing our best to be able to afford to send DS to a private secondary school, we just couldn't afford Primary school as well unfortunately. I think a lot of SS teachers need to get their heads out of the clouds and start teaching kids what they need to succeed, instead of trying to indoctrinate them and leave them with no marketable skills but a massive sense of entitlement and bitterness.