to be knarked that I cannot provide the opportunity

[Selfpity]

I'm very blessed to have two talented kids, and I am proud of them.

But I'm knarked off at myself that I can't financially fulfill the opportunities that life offers them.

One has been selected to go to Germany for a week at an all in cost of "only" £500. Yes I do appreciate this is is good value in terms of travel, accommodation, activites, food etc that is provided. But I don't have £500.

They have been given a scholarship for 6th form due to their career choice. I "only" have to pay £3,000 a year for full board accommodation. Yes this is good value, but again I don't have £3,000.

The youngest has been put forward by their school, and selected for music tuition, everyone's telling me that I can't let this opportunity be missed, and the scholarship they've been awarded is great, and it's a gift and they should do it. But I don't have the £2,000 per year required for it.

I "only" need £5,500 to be able to financially provide these wonderful opportunites, and I'm feeling sorry for myself that I can't do this.

Whatever anyone says, extracurricular opportunities no matter how talented the child are only available to the higher earners.

Can you get a loan?

Are there any projects running in your local community that could help? Sometimes local businesses help support families in the same position as yourself. A kind of sponsorship deal.

Yes, but extracurricular activities have to be funded somehow, don't they? And do you think they should have boarding accommodation for nothing?

I can see your point about the music, but not about anything else.

There are plenty of bright children in the country who don't board and don't go to Germany etc and manage really well. In fact as far as character development's concerned, I think a part time job in sixth form is better than any number of organised trips.

If your children are bright and capable then there's a hell of a lot they can do for themselves. For your child who is good at music there's an awful lot of stuff online that they can learn from. There are books in the library and music sheets which can be downloaded at a small cost.

Write to everyone and anyone to try and get sponsorship.

I don't know why they have to go to boarding school based on their career choice. For most serious careers they have to go to university and to do that they need A levels which you can get from any school or college.

Music colleges aren't full of students who did special courses. They are full of students who worked and worked and worked in ordinary schools and with ordinary music lessons outside school which don't cost a fortune.

re IB

there will be a number of scholarships/funds you can apply to OP. I don't know how to access them but you could start at your LEA and go from there. There's a lot of money sloshing about for this type of thing but you've got to dig to find it.

Ordinary music lessons do cost a fortune they cost £30 p/hr for music lessons, there are then theory lessons on top, orchestras and ensembles cost money, instruments cost £100s if not £1000s.

I will try the sponsorship way. I haven't been able to find anything advertised, but haven't tried the coldcalling direct approach.

See the Germany trip was given as a "reward" for outstanding contribution, and achievement throughout the year. They made a huge thing about presenting this trip to Germany, it was then mentioned quietly afterwards (actually when I asked is this free?) that it was to cost £500. My dc turned it down, but they are pushing and say but you earnt it you deserve it, and keep saying it's only £500. If they told me it was £50 I would still have to say no!

Yes, I'm afraid I would have to as well OP. I have had to stop my DS's music lessons recently through lack of money and so understand to a degree your dilemma.

Have you approached the school about this? Would they be able to give any suggestions about funding the trip?

That's life

I would be having a very direct conversation with the school. They cannot give a reward to a child that is going to cost the child's family £500. The school have screwed up and need to fund it. Not that you should have to, but explain that you are brassic and couldn't even pay £50.

YANBU at being narked that you can't fund these opportunities :(

It's shite, but they will be OK. If they have talent/skills/ability to graft etc they will do well, it might just mean they have to work harder than kids with affluent parents.

Can you not get a part time job in a bar or something to pay for it?

We had to do that to pay for DD's school trip, it meant working all day in usual job and then going to part time one afterwards but we got the money!

Have you spoken to the school about all this?

If you lay your cards on the table and tell them everything you've said in your OP, they have Bursars whose job it is to help find funding for exceptionally talented pupils.

But for the most part, I agree with Imperial

There are charities for this sort of thing too. As already said, you have to dig. Try the charity commission to start.

"Whatever anyone says, extracurricular opportunities no matter how talented the child are only available to the higher earners."

That is bollux. My son get PAID to sing in a choir.

I don't understand your post. Most of us send our children to state schools.

"They have been given a scholarship for 6th form due to their career choice. I "only" have to pay £3,000 a year for full board accommodation. Yes this is good value, but again I don't have £3,000."

Surely you are saving the cost by not having to feed or entertain or transport your child. I don't see how you can really complain about 3K. Are there "extras" that you need to pay on top?

"The youngest has been put forward by their school, and selected for music tuition, everyone's telling me that I can't let this opportunity be missed, and the scholarship they've been awarded is great, and it's a gift and they should do it. But I don't have the £2,000 per year required for it."

Surely you can come to arrangement with the school and pay in installements. 5K sounds lot, but I don't think its that much when you consider it includes paying for the living expenses of a sixth former. Even if your sixth former attended state school there would be costs.

I don't think that 5K is in the realms of the super rich. Its lot less than most modest families pay for childcare in the UK. I agree it is out of reach of those on benefits. Has the school assessed your income? Could you rent out your sixth former's bedroom to find the money?

Narked or knarked that's the big issue here.

There are lots of things I'd like for my DDs but can't afford. But I'm grateful for the things I can give them.

When I was at school (6th form) we were offered an amazing trip that cost 'only' £2000.

I really wanted to go. So I worked weekends, evenings and holidays and raised the money myself.

Even if they do that some stuff will be out of their reach. But honestly if they want these opportunities once they reach 16 I do think children should start having to work and contribute themselves.

Very few people can afford everything they want in life. So you pick the stuff that is really worth it and work towards it. As someone else said a part time job is going to look a hell of a lot better on a cv than a weeks trip to Germany.

Go to the library and ask them for a copy of a book by the charities trust which details (almost?) every charity which offers financial assistance and what for.

I'm damned if I know what it's called now, anyone? Help!

It lists charities according to who they help/what they're about - ie education, sports, music, health etc. Each charity's listing will give a definition of what they offer, who can apply, how they can do so etc etc. It's a long trawl but you might just get lucky. I hope so. :)

that's nothing. I grew up in a shoebox in the road. You should think yourself lucky OP.

OP I know how you feel. It really pisses me off when someone says it's only £x. It doesn't matter how good value something is, if you don't have the money you don't have it and no amount of someone saying 'but it's only...' will change that fact.

springy

I do have some sympathy with you but do bear in mind the grass always looks greener. I could afford this for my child, but he has CP so won't need to. I am sure many people are envious that we have a nice lifestyle and don't worry about money, but I have to say i think we all have to try and make the most of the opportunity we have, whatever that is. Your children are doing well, be glad, be proud and be corss that money is a barrier. No money shouldn't be a barrier to opportunity, but it is, as is health, actual ability and luck. Either you or the children find a way to earn the money or you try to get sponsorship or funding from charity or they don't go. And if they don't go keep carrying on striving to get more opportunity and better luck

The Germany trip is just rude of the school, I'd write a letter to the Head - not on.

anyway, re the boarding place, that's actually rather a bargain, I would have thought you'll save a lot of that from not having to feed your teenager at home. Do your DCs have a room each? If your eldest DC really wants to board, could you offer a deal to him, you'll rent out his room to a lodger to pay for the boarding, on the understanding when it's holiday from 6th form they are sleeping on the floor of their sibling's room/at grandparent's house?

Again, for the music tuition, I'd ask the school is there any why they could help you with the costs, if they know of any charities that might fund it (and would they help you apply!).

Depending on where you live, you could easily get nearly all the money to pay for both from renting a room out, add in the savings from not having to feed your eldest during term time and you might be able to do the lot. It will mean sacrificing your personal space, but do you think it's worth it for a couple of years?

being not so well-off can be an invisible handicap - most of us are pretty good at covering up where things actually stand. In a situation like this, the 'only' comments expose the OP's true financial position. On top of that the inference to 'get on and jolly well carve a way and stop wingeing' could well be another mallet that bashes the less well-off into the ground (when they're probably feeling pretty bashed into the ground already).

of course, we are incredibly lucky that these things are attainable, in theory, in the west but the skills to convert opportunities - particularly opportunities you have to dig for - into reality are not necessarily skills that everyone has. It's not always easy to have the self-belief/nous/courage/stamina to change the course of things, even - and sometimes especially - when the stakes are high.

I was also rather puzzled by your op.

3000 a year is a bargain when you think it includes all your dcs heating, food, electric, accommodation etc for 38+ weeks a year and works put at 78 a week during term time. If you could rent your dcs room out for even 50 a week you would break even.

Music lessons cost nothing like what you quoted too.

As for the trip, the school is obligated to help towards cost for low income families.