to be knarked that I cannot provide the opportunity

[Selfpity]

I'm very blessed to have two talented kids, and I am proud of them.

But I'm knarked off at myself that I can't financially fulfill the opportunities that life offers them.

One has been selected to go to Germany for a week at an all in cost of "only" £500. Yes I do appreciate this is is good value in terms of travel, accommodation, activites, food etc that is provided. But I don't have £500.

They have been given a scholarship for 6th form due to their career choice. I "only" have to pay £3,000 a year for full board accommodation. Yes this is good value, but again I don't have £3,000.

The youngest has been put forward by their school, and selected for music tuition, everyone's telling me that I can't let this opportunity be missed, and the scholarship they've been awarded is great, and it's a gift and they should do it. But I don't have the £2,000 per year required for it.

I "only" need £5,500 to be able to financially provide these wonderful opportunites, and I'm feeling sorry for myself that I can't do this.

Whatever anyone says, extracurricular opportunities no matter how talented the child are only available to the higher earners.

aww I love 'the brave' bit of your NN

I'll look into that ghosteditor.

Yes dc will be working through uni for day to day living expenses.

I'm a little confused. Is it £3k per child or between them? When are they (each) due to go?

£3k per year when you can pay it each term isn't a huge amount of money per week and by the sound of it a very worthwhile 'advantage'. You should 'save' £1k per term by not having them at home (food etc)??

I would cut back on everything, get the teens to do whatever work they can do & make that element of it work.

Germany & other things like that are a shame but hey ho.

If the military college you're referring to is Welbeck, there are further grants available to help fund your teenager, although the Forces are flat broke and everyone and his dog needs help with the fees just now. I agree that it's worth exhausting every possibility to go, simply because sponsorship through university is such a leg-up.

I'm not much inclined to be sympathetic on the school trips etc, I'm afraid. The school have been tactless, but all parents make choices with their resources and if you're not on benefits, your kids are not the most deserving as far as they're concerned.

Oh sorry, I was forgetting the Germany Trip was a 'prize' I'd be 'discussing' this as far up the food chain as it took to get it resolved. They gave it as a prize - they can't then make you pay for it.

you can't win eh OP

Yes- I agree that the 'prize ' trip is very odd. Even if it were being paid for by the school , I can't think of any schools which would offer a trip abroad as a prize. I quite understand that you may not want to name the school op- but I am very intrigued as I have never heard of this sort of thing.

Anyway, a week in Germany is not the be all and end all. My kids have never gone on trips abroad through school- dd asked once about skiing, but we felt it was hugely expensive and she has not asked since.

Take others advice and sound out the military college and other possible sources of funding- but if you draw a blank your son can still achieve his goal through the usual 6th form and uni route.

It is a lot of money, but can you review your household expenses/work more hours/find a way to at least fund the Sixth Form?
Increasing your income by £3k is still a lot but over a year it's only £250/month - which is 10hrs/week even at minimum wage, fewer hours if you earn more (more if you have to pay tax on the additional income). Spread over more than 1 person (you don't mention the father but unless he is deceased he can contribute) it seems very achievable. And it's not for very long as 6th form is only 2 yrs per child.

What was the Germany trip a prize for? I would be fuming about this.

I'm presuming we're not talking a state school here- but if we are then be on the doorstep of the chair of governors on Monday morning and don't go until you have an explanation.

Dukehumfrey I know your sentiment is in the right place, but this is the part that I find most frustrating - well you must be able to find £3k, there is always a way. Unfortunately when your at the max, and working as hard as you can, and you have what some would say is a healthy income, but it is short, then you can't find £3k.

Science prize - state school, 2 pupils got chosen. I'm not naming school.

Don't name the school, obviously. But have you been on to the chair of governors about this?

whatever the ins and outs, it is terribly sad for you to feel you can't provide these opportunities. I expect you have already tried everything but in the area I grew up there were a couple of charities that were allowed to give money for things like this. It must be so hard to see everything offered on a plate and then see it potentially slip away. I hope you find a way around it and all the best.

and agree about school trips to Germany, not the be all and end all and often quite boring.

SelfPity - do you not think you will be £1k better off per term by simply not having to feed the child at boarding school in term time?!

A child does not need to be rewarded for doing well in science by a week in Germany. The fact that the pupil is obviously one of the top 2 at scoence and will do very well in GCSE/A level is the reward in itself. What a bizarre set up.

You can feed a few extra mouths on a chair leg, it doesn't cost much. I think though that the point is that sometimes you are living at your limit with nothing left over ie there is nothing to make a downpayment which you can claw back later re living expenses.

Yes but op, the thing is, this £3k isn't all additional money you have to find, you won't have to feed/house your ds during the term time, how much do you spend on food weekly? Deduct that first from your sums. And you said you are renting, if one dc is going to leave home, why isn't getting a smaller and cheaper property not an option?

Talk to the college, they might be flexible about when you pay, letting you spread it monthly.

Well, I certainly wouldn't save 1k a term in food if my teenager moved out!

The mad thing about the property market where I live is that if I moved out of my 3 bed into a 2 bed, I'd save £50 a month. But I'd also need the money for the references to be done, I would have to find the £2k for deposit, while waiting for my other deposit to be released. If I had that £2k, this would be a non-problem. If I had the cash for reference checks then trips wouldn't be a problem.

I don't know how much your weekly food bills are for your teenagers, and admittedly my kids are very slim, but I'm spending £80 a week for the family, I won't make £3k from food from that. I doubt my electricity/gas bill will dramatically decrease. There will be no change in council tax. My dc moving out of home termtime will not save me £3k a year, esp if you factor in they are only away 35 weeks of the year.

I think you'll have to pass up on the idea of boarding school then. Don't stress about it- they'll be fine.

They aren't being disadvantaged. You simply can't afford to buy them a (perceived) advantage. There's a big difference between the two things

Well, ok, if you can't between you work a few hours a week extra between the whole family but you have a healthy income, look at EVERYTHING you spend. £250/month - yes, it's a lot to save out of expenditure but forums like MoneySavingExpert and Motley Fool have loads of people who are brilliant at finding people savings.

Or borrow the money and pay it back over 5/10/15/20 years.

You're saying it isn't possible but not saying what you have done to your household budget (both income and expenditure) to squeeze out every penny. That's very frustrating to someone trying to help.

Agree you should explore the Army bursaries further, I know heaps of people sponsored thru uni but things might have changed in the current climate (or rather, get your kids to do the research).

Why don't your DC have jobs now? My siblings and I all had part time (almost f/t in summer hols) jobs from age 13 and were expected to contribute financially to trips etc. My parents didn't have finincial issues, they wanted to teach us good work ethic, handling our own money etc.

It is heartbreaking when you can't provide for DC but also important to set them on the road to independence. If they are bright and have good exam results they won't go far wrong.

You said that the problem was getting the money up front, but also said you are in steady employment. Do you have a moral objection to loans or credit cards? In your position they don't sound too much of a risk. Why not post on MoneySavingExpert to see if the bright bods on there can help you with good loan rates?