to be knarked that I cannot provide the opportunity

[Selfpity]

I'm very blessed to have two talented kids, and I am proud of them.

But I'm knarked off at myself that I can't financially fulfill the opportunities that life offers them.

One has been selected to go to Germany for a week at an all in cost of "only" £500. Yes I do appreciate this is is good value in terms of travel, accommodation, activites, food etc that is provided. But I don't have £500.

They have been given a scholarship for 6th form due to their career choice. I "only" have to pay £3,000 a year for full board accommodation. Yes this is good value, but again I don't have £3,000.

The youngest has been put forward by their school, and selected for music tuition, everyone's telling me that I can't let this opportunity be missed, and the scholarship they've been awarded is great, and it's a gift and they should do it. But I don't have the £2,000 per year required for it.

I "only" need £5,500 to be able to financially provide these wonderful opportunites, and I'm feeling sorry for myself that I can't do this.

Whatever anyone says, extracurricular opportunities no matter how talented the child are only available to the higher earners.

Its great that you want to do this for your children.

You have probably done this already, but is there anything you could give up to make this happen - holiday, smoking, booze? Other activities that the kids do?

My kids understand, and although they would absolutely love to do these things, they accept that they can't with no complaint. They don't tell me about a lot of the things they've been chosen for until after the event, as they know I'll do overtime etc to enable them to do it.

Germany one I will be speaking to the school, as it was given as a reward/prize, and that's why my eldest came home so excited about it as they thought they could go.

We don't go on holidays, abroad or at home.

And they each do one activity - eldest gets it free as she coaches (but she can't do it for money as underage), and youngest has music.

No smokers/drinkers in the house.

We are going to sit in the library on Monday, thank you all for that suggestion.

Do your children receive free school meals?

If so, it may be worth discussing with the school how their Pupil Premium money is used; it may be possible to use (part of) it for the trip.

Just looked up the grants books and our area appears to only stock 2008-09 copy. That's a shame that its not current but better than nothing!

No we don't receive any benefits (other than CB).

Why the special 6th form?

Have you had a look on here OP it says search for funding, not sure if 6th form would apply.
www.studentcashpoint.co.uk/default.aspx

If you rent your property and are paying for it privately (as you said you get no benefits) could you go down to a smaller property to release some money to pay for the 6th form (because with one dc living out you'll need less space).

Op seems to be dodging the many posters asking why special 6th form. Mmmm. Not sure it exists really. I went to boarding school for 6th form and it's nothing different to public school. Can't think of any job that requires special 6 th form. A levels are a levels wherever you do them, only difference being 'prestige'of the school an frankly some private schools are much worse than some public schools.
Cream will rise wherever they go so don't really think the child needs to go to special school, if they are talente then they can work hard and do extra study wherever they are.

I also think you have to think carefully before making too many sacrifices for a child, however gifted, in case they find the pressure too much and rebel, or feel that they have let you and themselves down if they don't achieve these expectations. Children who are expected to be high achievers can suffer from depressiomn in later life because they never feel hat they are good enough. Being a loving parent is more important in the long run so don't beat yourself up too much if some things are out of your reach at the moment.

Military college

I think I just feel like everything is out of reach. And it's just dragging me down. But and it is a big but I am very grateful for the good health and good family that I do have.

who are you addressing jojane when you refer to the OP as though she is not here, in the room as it were? Were you addressing 'us'? Do you feel the need to get the backing from 'us' for your scepticism, when it would be more productive to address the OP directly, as this is her thread.

bright pupils don't necessarily get the support they need in mainstream schools - in fact they often don't. NOt all children have the ability to knuckle down and work hard when the support and quality of teaching is not available - it takes a high level of self-belief, which not everyone has. The lack of effective teaching can be a significant deprivation to the bright student and can also lead to depression.

Selfpity- it would be really helpful if you would explain why you feel your children need to go to a special 6th form for their career. Several posters have asked you to clarify. I have no idea if you simply mean that you'd like them to be privately educated because certain professions (eg law, politics) are choc full of ex private school pupils. If so- have more faith in your children that you don't need to pay for your child's schooling for them to do well. I honestly can't think of any career where they would HAVE to go away and board though

Tbh, the bottom line is- we aren't all in equal circumstances. We can all afford different things and different degrees of 'luxury' (after all- none of the things you mention are essentials)

And many people might choose to restrict their family to just one child if things like private school and trips matter hugely to them

And take care your feeling of sel pity doesn't rub off on your kids because that would be the worst thing. Be upbeat ; tell them that if they can find a way to access funds then by all means they can do these things, but if not, they can still be successful

Incidentally our eldest was recently offered a scholarship for music to a private school. We could have afforded the top up fees, but after thinking it through, we've decided she will stay at her local state school and continue with her music outside school, playing in orchestras etc. We have had to make some sacrifices over the years to pay for music lessons but we hired her instrument until just recently. We feel strongly that if she is good enough to make it in the music world (and IF she wants to- because let's face it, what a child wants to do as a young teenager might change drastically) then she should be good enough without having tens of thousands of pounds thrown at her.

There is a lot more to life than money, and it's not a bad lesson for your kids to learn

Poor you, self, that you have to justify that you are grateful for what you have in order to ward off the attacks from those who have the high level of self-belief that you are struggling to reach at the moment. I hope something comes along to give you a boost and the hope that you can find a way.

Ok cross posts there. Why do they NEED to go to military college at age 16? There will be other routes into the forces if they are determined that's their chosen career

As said it's military, my dc is very keen to join the forces, and will join the forces, just they have been recommended and put forward by ther CCF to go to military college, and this offers sponsorship at university, and the hope of joining at officer level. But for this we need to contribute £3k a year.

So they'll have to go the other route, of normal sixth form, no sponsorship at Uni just more debt, and apply that way. It's not that they can't go, and won't go, it's just that if I had the inital £3k to begin with I would be able to make a smoother path, but I don't so I can't.

No definitely not bad to learn there's more to life than money, but also it has got my kids wanting to do the best they can, so that they can hopefully become qualified in whatever, and have well paid careers.

I really don't agree with that tinkerbel. My kids went to both state and public schools (for various reasons) and, I'm sorry to say, there is no contest. I wasn't exactly enamoured with the public school but, even in its shoddiness on some levels, it was streaks ahead of the top state school my kids went to previously. It is also there that kids often (not always, but often) get that unassailable self-belief that not everyone was born with - you know, self-belief to run the country and top institutions type of thing.

It doesn't make sense that because you don't have the £3K now you'll end up paying 10 times that in uni fees etc. OP, get down to the library and see what you can find re grants/scholarships etc. You may also have to make it very clear to the school where you stand financially. Regrettable but maybe a must? Don't be ashamed though, you have nothing to be ashamed of (it is those who make assumptions about others' financial standing that need to be ashamed, if anyone).

Tbh, most people probably couldn't afford the luxury of finding £3000 to find their child for special boarding 6th form

As you say, it's not essential to their career- its simply one possible route. Your ds can do A levels in a normal 6th form and go on to uni. The debt issue is simply something all students have to face now. Personally I would prefer a situation where fewer students went to uni but got grants- like it used to be, But having said that, I do think there are a lot of people with misconceptions about the student loan. It doesn't bar anyone from going to uni because the loan is upfront and nothing is repaid until the graduate is earning above a certain threshold.

So while none of us particularly relish the thought of our kids starting the world of work with debt- it is simply the reality these days. Your kids will only be in the same position as countless others.

Maybe you need to look at it differently, and rather than seeing them as being DISadvantaged, try to see that all that's happened is you can't buy them a possible advantage, which most people couldnt anyway!

Springydaffs- I couldn't disagree more!

I wouldn't want my kids to have the 'unassailable self belief' I see in many of our MPs and other public figures. It's often not genuine inner confidence, it's a very thin veneer of arrogance.

I quite accept that your experience of private schools might be better than state- but it's not the case for all of us.

Self, as well as the two books I mentioned earlier, would it be worth approaching the military college directly to see if they have any additional grants/bursaries or whether they would be able to take your child and arrange some sort of payment plan rather than taking the £3k upfront? If your child is not at home then you'll be saving some money and perhaps could make regular payments rather than an upfront lump sum.It's worth a chat with their Head of Finance at least.

perhaps verity could stump up the £3K as a donation. money/mouth etc.

not all of them are arrogant tinkerbel - some are decent human beings. not a lot mind but definitely some. I'd want to get my kid in at the top somewhere, otherwise who's going to represent ordinary people if it's just toffs at the top?

OP, has the military stopped offering university bursaries to students who sign up to the military afterwards? Six years ago, I was offered an RAF bursary for university on the condition that I did a minimum of six years afterwards. Unless that funding has now been stopped, your DC could get a bursary for every year at university.

I second the suggestion for your DC to get jobs to help fund extras - that's if pub/cafe/admin/coaching jobs are as available as they were ten years ago when I was a student with a waitressing gig on evenings - it's very easy just to say they should find work...