To insist my dd studies in addition to her schoolwork?

[ChopstheScarletduck]

DD clearly thinks I am. We've had this discussion a few times now. Apparently NOBODY else has to do extra work.

She is a solidly average student in general, but lacks motivation in subjects she does find harder, and has terrible organisational skills.

All the kids have been told they must do half an hours reading a day, from school age. The older two do maths and english in addition to that, so around an hour a day (age 11, 9)

I've now told dd I want her to do 90mins a day, which includes homework, reading and study. In the past I've even told her she can do music practice as part of that, but that didn't last very long. I help her with the aspects of her study she is struggling with, though on the whole it is independent study.

She seems to think she should be able rush her homework then hang out with her friends or sit in front of a screen all day, like everybody else does. I want her to work to achieve the grades I know she is capable of if she tries. Her homework is 100% better when she knows she can't get away with just rushing it, as she will just have to find something else to study in any case!

I know academic achievement isn't everything, and she has plenty of time left to do what she wants, and she does various clubs at school, Girls Brigade, a couple of youth clubs.

Please tell me I'm not really the only one who wants their dc to do a little work as well as play!

The most important thing is for your dd to be happy in life. Push her too far and she will rebel and may well be put off studying of any kind. Finding some way of studying that works for her - speak to her teachers and get their advice. No two children are the same. Be behind her 110% in whatever she is doing, encourage, encourage, encourage! :)

Good post Liam, I totally agree.

My year 7 dd is at an independent school that gets very good results. She finishes school at 4.30, has clubs until 5.45. Home by 6.15 - homework and supper takes her up to about 7 so she has roughly 25-30 mins homework. Sometimes she has none because she does it in prep. She doesn't learn an instrument but she does a lot of sport and has a pony to exercise! She got a fantastic report at parent's evening praising her commitment and motivation.

Although I am on your side in that I think academia is very important, I also recognise that she has a need to do other things also. I think she would be a very sad little girl if I made her do another hour's work every night .

kelly there does have to be balance. But the op's suggestion of 90 mins (which includes music practice, homework and reading) is being greeted with horror as if she's sugeestion child labour.

I do think that too many people in the UK are afraid of a bit of graft, either for themselves or their DC.

I think dd does have a balance, 90 mins study compared to 3-4 hours to do as she pleases on a weekday. I don't keep her chained to a desk.

It is def about the right approach though.

wot wordfactory said!

Interregum, if my dd had a timetable like yours, I wouldn't want her to do any more on top.

Of course it is very important for children to be happy. But dd1 would be happy if left on youtube for 8 hours a day . I'd rather she worked! But as I've said, an extra 90 mins would be impossible for us. Her teachers would think I was a complete loony also

Then why not get her to do more clubs or sport out of school? Things she'll enjoy? Is it just a time filling exercise?

OP, when my DC were young we got into a habit at the start of the summer holidays (we get 8 weeks!!!!) of thinking about all the thigs we wanted to do and learn.
They would come up with all sorts of things. Some of which came to their natural end, but some of which became huge passions.
This is now a natural part of life in Casa Wordfactory. If I struggl with anyhting it's keeping a lid on our interests/hobbies/passions outside academic life.

Perhaps you could ask your DD what she might like to learn in the holidays?

she does do things she enjoys. Drama club, science club girls brigade, sports club, youth clubs. My dd leaves for school at 8 and is home by 3.15, or 4.15 at the latest. The school timetable is slightly odd. Breaks aren't all at set times, and a lot of optional activities are run during the school day.

So home, and minus half hour for dinner, that is a lot of time on her hands. (she showers in the morning) It's not solely time filling - her grades dropped at school, so I want her to get them back up.

My mother tried this. For one term. When it became clear that she was ruining our relationship and making me deliberately sit in school daydreaming to "buy back my time", she backed off. I dread to think what would have happened if she hadn't changed tack.

I think it's the set time that is the worst aspect of this. Why don't you just ensure all her homework is done well. Now this may take 90 mins if she needs to redo it but she'll soon learn better to get it right the first time.

As to being forced to read...oh dear.

When does she do her clubs then?

are you in the UK, sorry I may have missed that

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable and I don't really understand why some people are so aghast.

My dd is 9 and does at least 90 mins a day. Well, if you include reading (she is a total bookworm) and music practice (at least 20 mins). Actual set homework is only around 15-20mins but she also has music theory and then optional work which she is happy to do. Her 4yo brother emulates her, sitting up at the table beside her to draw/write/look at sheets of music.

A school education covers all the academic subjects, plus reading for pleasure, art, music, drama, dance, sport and technology. People whose children don't spend at least 90 mins of their leisure time each day doing something related to areas covered by a school education, what is it that your children do spend all their time doing?

TBH in the holidays, the homework and study is likely to be more relaxed. She still reads, but we tend to research places we are going to. She reads up on history, art, etc and really enjoys that. I take the kids to museums and things that they want to go to, and on our family holidays we have toured different places, visited tons of art galleries, etc. dd especially loved following Anne Frank's story, visiting her house in Amsterdam during week 1, and going to concentration camps and visiting her grave in week 2 of a holiday.

In a perfect world, I'd love to be able to teach them in that way all of the time, hands on stuff that they really enjoy, but it isn't possible.

Why are exams so important to you? If you'll move average grades, to slightly above average grades, then nothing changes with regards to employability. And if that has come at a penalty of other soft skills, or life experience that enhances employability much more than then it would a complete waste of time.

I change jobs regularly (work on short term projects generally) all of the jobs I've had in the last 10 years have come from personal recommendations, my exams and school learning have been completely irrelevant. I may have learnt those skills while I wasn't doing lots of homework - e.g. I used to help a few others out with maths the morning it was due, they'd get me to check their answer and their understanding, and I'd get everything out of the homework in that 10minutes.

Your DD wants to travel, encouraging her into the careers that provide that opportunity sounds a lot more likely to bring happiness than forcing her down the road of a "naice job" so she can holiday for a few weeks a year. Even if that would make you happier, who appears to have very fixed ideas on what a good life.

Like I said, the clubs are mostly structured within the school day, after school ones run from 3-4 so she is home by 4.15 latest. Youth club thurs evening, after tea, GB weds evening after tea.

chops my parents pushed me as they seen me as a gifted child...i rebelled quite badly...plz dont do it..she is a kid....she needs fun too

somebody else also suggested looking into careers involving travel, it is a very good idea. I agree, it doesn't have to be a 'naice' job, jsut what will make her happy and pay the bills!

Sounds as though you do a lot of lovely things together. My dd adores the Anne Frank story too, she "toured" the house online and we had lots of interesting discussion about war times and how the world has changed since.

Its a fascinating place to visit, as are the camps. I'd like to take them again when they are a little older and the boys can learn a little more from it. They were a bit young, and more interested in Van Gogh at the time!

Why on earth are you turning reading into some kind of discipline activity?

YABU and your daughter will resent you.

So she's home by 4.15. I presume she has set homework? So if she does music practice and set homework that's probably an hour? In which case I'd make her take the dog for a walk/do something outside for an hour, have supper then she can do what she likes. We don't allow the computer during the week but tv is fine.