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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask has anyone else made a bad choice with Godparents, and how long before you regretted it?

79 replies

bibaleaf · 18/05/2012 21:57

I asked my cousin, and I regret my decision from the day of my DC's christening. GM's behaviour was weird on the day and has only got worse.

Anyone else been in similar circumstances?

OP posts:

RagamuffinAndFidget · 18/05/2012 22:00

My parents chose one of my Godmothers as she was a long-term friend of both of theirs and they anticipated she would be around for a long time, and in our lives. My middle name is her first name. She fecked off before I was two, I think, I certainly don't remember ever meeting her. So I reckon they probably regret that one a bit!

IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 18/05/2012 22:02

This is one of the reasons that I decided not have any for ds. I know so many people who have regretted it and I can't think of anyone that isn't already an aunt/uncle that I would want.

Original poster

bibaleaf · 18/05/2012 22:07

My DH's GP's are no longer friends with his parents either come to think of it.

I though a relative would be a safe choice! She is already an aunt and a big part of the problem is jealousy/rivalry from her sister (whose child she is aunt to).

Never occurred to me I would need to ask someone who wasn't already an aunt/uncle actually. Is that the normal criteria for most?

OP posts:

ddubsgirl · 18/05/2012 22:16

i havent seen mine for years,and only ever got ds1 christened and none of his gp`s bother with him(1 of them being my brother)

BalloonTwister · 18/05/2012 22:23

I'm regretting one of dd's and we haven't had the christening yet! Thought we were really good friends but havent heard from her in about 5 months.....christening is July, have no idea how to un-ask her!

ReallyTired · 18/05/2012 22:30

I regret having my brother as a god parent to my son to please my mother. She kicked up a terrible fuss as I had asked my sil. (Who has been a brilliant godparent)

I need to pick godparents for dd and her baptism is in a months time. i am struggling as I want the god parents to be active christians as well as close friends.

Original poster

bibaleaf · 18/05/2012 22:30

I don't think you can un-ask! I don't think I ever will. I guess it's just a figurehead role anyway. My DC's GM is not the person I would name in my will as guardian of DC were anything to happen to us.

OP posts:

SkivingAgain · 18/05/2012 22:33

I'd be interested to know what your expectations of godparents are. I'm a godmother, but no idea what the parents expected of me when they asked, or now if they are disappointed in me

LineRunner · 18/05/2012 22:35

I never once received a card, phonecall or any other communication from my 'Godmother'. Never. Ever.

I mean, why bother to accept, when you actually don't?

hiddenhome · 18/05/2012 22:37

My brother and his wife are Godparents to ds1. They managed to behave in a very nasty fashion on my wedding day and I haven't seen them since I still have no idea why SIL was like that and why my brother let her. I totally regret letting them be Godparents and feel very sorry for ds1 as they've let him down badly.

signet2012 · 18/05/2012 22:38

I regret being a godmother... my friend from school asked me for her eldest as apparently "we" had agreed this as children. I have literally nothing in common with her anymore and infact have not seen her now since the christening.

I tried to decline the offer and say I hardly saw her etc but somehow ended up feeling bad and giving in to her. I was GM for her son but to be honest I have only seen her in passing since!!!! I wish I had been stronger and said actually NO! But I was young and stupid.

I do feel bad sometimes though, I don't even know when the kids birthday is.

Bobyan · 18/05/2012 22:39

I had a similar issue before the Christening thread here. I actually bottled it and went ahead and only had one Godparent. I'd suggest having it out with her, but as she's a member of your family maybe you shouldn't!
Sorry if the link doesn't work!

MsVestibule · 18/05/2012 22:41

We chose DH's close friend and his wife for DD; DH has known both of them for years. They live about a mile away and are childfree. As we don't have family living nearby, we thought it would be nice to have somebody close who would take a special interest in DD. Ha. Although DH's mate does make his duty visits on Christmas and birthdays, his wife hasn't seen DD since her 3rd birthday, 2.5 years ago.

And she seemed really touched when we asked them .

1950sHousewife · 18/05/2012 22:41

Same as signet. A friend from NCT asked me to be godmother to her 2 DCs. Even when she asked me, I knew the friendship was already waning as we were both back at work and starting to hardly see each other. I wanted to say, no, but didn't know how.

Now I live so far away, I feel lots of guilt about not being more attentive to the godchildren. I should be better, I know. I wouldn't blame her if she fired me.

signet2012 · 18/05/2012 22:42

On the other Im a god mother for my good friends son. I am not religious but offered to brush up on my religious skills as I assumed it was something to do with relgiion. My friend say no, she had chosen me because if there was one person who she trusted in the world to do the right thing by her little boy and be one person he could always turn to if he needed someone, it would be me.

I take my role as godmother to her son very seriously. I try to be there for practical and emotional support for her during her many failed pregnancies and the birth of her son and now in his early years. As he grows older I always make sure I see him at least once a fortnight, always have a treat in my hand bag such as a small chocolate bar and intend to be there for him if I am ever needed in her absence.

Before I accepted I also talked it over with my DP to see if in the event of him ever needing a home that he would be happy to take him on as our own. (Although she has a very supportive family so I don't think this would be required but certainly gave it some thought)

Im not sure actually what the role is! That is my interpretation.

Original poster

bibaleaf · 18/05/2012 22:42

GM and I talked about it. I said I saw her as another person to help guide DC through life, especially in later years (GM is same age as me). A positive role model, an additional adult DC would have for good advice as they grow up. I chose GM because I admired her values and thought she would be a positive influence.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 18/05/2012 22:44

We were a church-going mess of a family, so the total non-existence (for all intents and purposes) of my 'godmother' was odd, especially compared to my siblings' experiences.

I think kids set great store by parity!

Anyway, what a stupid word. Godmother.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 18/05/2012 22:44

Yes, neither DH or I have any sisters or close female relatives, and pre-DCs I only had one close female friend (she has turned out to be a great choice).

For one of the other Godparents I asked a friend that I had made relatively recently, partly because she was one of the few Christian friends I had. I now find the relationship quite difficult, it is one of those one way things where I feel drained and get nothing back (emotionally speaking) in return, also my DCs dislike her child (who bosses them around, gloats, shows off, won't share toys) which is the really awkward thing. Her DC claims my DD as a God-sister and ignores DS (seems to resent him for being DD's real brother) and the mother seems oblivious to all this. I think being Godmother to my DD means a lot to her though, she mentions it frequently, so I feel very mixed up and bad about the whole thing.

vigglewiggle · 18/05/2012 22:45

Are you all religious then? Just curious. I don't know many people of my generation who are religious.

Original poster

bibaleaf · 18/05/2012 22:46

Not hugely religious, it's more a tradition for us.

OP posts:

signet2012 · 18/05/2012 22:48

Im not religious so I thought if I have to teach him about that I best learn but my friend said no, she would send him to Sunday school and let him learn and then he can make his own mind up.

It was more based on morals and my values I think, they are very similar to her own.

SkivingAgain · 18/05/2012 22:48

As you talked about it beforehand then I understand why you are disappointed in her.

Buckingfiatch · 18/05/2012 22:50

I never saw one of my Godparents. I don't even remember her. The other one was my Uncle who was absolutely amazing, and I actually looked up to him as a Father figure nevermind Uncle or Godparent. Sadly, he passed away a few years ago though :(

But yes, he would of been my first choice had he still been here, and I know I wouldn't of regretted it. Still have the decision to make if and when I do get DS christened now though, and I seriously don't know who I would trust enough to take on the role so no doubt I may end up with regrets.

Bobyan · 18/05/2012 22:56

I actually had a sponser as well as a GM for my DD, and don't say it too loudly but her sponsor is actually Muslim.
We both think that most major religions are worshipping the same God and have very similar values. I couldn't have picked anyone better, Just don't tell my vicar!

Original poster

bibaleaf · 18/05/2012 22:59

What is the role of a sponsor vs a godparent?

OP posts:

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