Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is he up to no good?

302 replies

mummytogorguztwinsxx · 18/05/2012 19:25

Hi im new on here and really need some advice. Ive been with my husband for 3.5yrs and married for 1 was our anniversary may 11th. We have gorguz twin boys that are 2.5yrs. Up until the 28th april everything was great with our family, we were even trying for another baby.

The 28th april changed my life forever. My husbands ex partner from 5years ago showed up with his son!! Which he never knew about, his son is 4 in august. Which obviously shows this did not happen whilst we have been together but she did choose to keep his son from him n basically played god with his life.

Anyway since he has found out about him 3 weeks ago he has been spending hours and hours with them n no time at all with his twins, he's been coming home at midnight and even 2am once, they are also constantly txting eaxh other, i understand that he wants to be a dad and do the right thing and i support that, but its the secretive texts n the coming home late, also when he is out with them he wont answer the phone or my txts. They went to bkackpool last sat and he txt me a 9pm to say they were staying over and no matter how much i pleaded with him not to he still did it. The folliwing day he came home and after an hour or so he had a bath, when i asked for his washing there was no boxers, he says he left them at the hotel because they were full of sand from the beach which could be believable, but he h ad them in when he came home.

To top it all off we fouund out i was preg on 8/5 he imnediately told me i had to abort it as it isnt the right. time or situation to bring a baby up, this really really hurt me as it is something we have both wanted for over a year, we decided on monday to keep the baby but unfortunately i had a musscarriage on tuesday but my husband has not been here for me at all, i went to the hospital on my own and got home past midnight on tues, then weds he went straight out from work at 5.30pm with them and returned at midnight, as i am writing this he is out with them he went at 4 and has said he will be back by 12, i dont understand why u would have a 3yr old out that late.

Please could somebody help me am i over reacting? Is he just excited about this new son or is it more about spending more time with her????

OP posts:
oooohhhhyes · 19/05/2012 23:50

awww seeing the light doesn't make it any easier for you though. Remember - you are worth a million of him, you're a great mum and he is a prat.

rhondajean · 19/05/2012 23:51

Look better this happened now, he was going to do it at some point anyway.

I've had a thought... Have you heard her say he didn't k ow she was pregnant??? Or could he have known all along? Ie have form for this??

RetroMom · 19/05/2012 23:55

MTGT I hope you have someone close to you, family or friend, to hold you when you feel you can't be strong and you need a hug.

Is there anyone there for you?

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:56

Not really weve very nearly been to the point it could turn. He is sayin he is going to get her to drop him at hus mates and she apparently knows nothing of our arguments...whatever..

OP posts:
my2centsis · 19/05/2012 23:57

R u txting each other now ? Can someone come over to be with you?

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 19/05/2012 23:59

I dont really have anyone apart from family n a couple of friends but they all have there own lives and problems without me being a pain. Rhondajean, he k.ew she was preg and he and his mum confronted her and then her parents and they both said my h was not the father so they believed it and it was left at that

OP posts:
Buckingfiatch · 19/05/2012 23:59

I am actually finding myself getting so angry for you. If I lived closer, I would come and kick his sorry pathetic arse into the middle of the next millennium.

"Cheers" is not the reply of someone who is innocent and hurt about the thought of losing his family. If I was you, not that I am recommending it or condoning it(ok, maybe I am a little) but I would take a match to his possessions...

rhondajean · 20/05/2012 00:01

Sorry!

So she's driving tonight then?

He needs to put up a fight for you and the twins, like he did for this child, and if he won't then you are far far better off without him.

Alltheseboys · 20/05/2012 00:02

Sorry to hear this op. I know how hard it is with twins but better to be on your own then with someone who hasn't got the basic level of respect for you.

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 20/05/2012 00:04

Ha ha i did think about it im just glad i have the car keys so at least i can get out need to get the locks changed tho. He jas txt sayin he will be stayin at a mates so i said hope the 2 of u will be very cumfy together i know i will be with the boys n a big bed to myself

OP posts:
oooohhhhyes · 20/05/2012 00:04

Yes, I know what you're saying because I feel like that sometimes too; "everyone else has their own probs" etc, but people close to you want to be there in a crisis. I reckon you can call on them and they'd want to help. xxx

jaquelinehyde · 20/05/2012 00:06

You have done the right thing. Stay strong.

Buckingfiatch · 20/05/2012 00:07

Hasn't he even apologised? No pleading at all?

Lucky escape if you ask me.

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 20/05/2012 00:08

Definitely personally if it was the other way round well firstly i wouldnt act like this as i have to much respect for myself and my family. But if he had txt me a pic of my stuff packed up id have been on the phone and home as quick as i could not txt nearly an hour layer sayin cheers!!!! Needs to grow up him and fast

OP posts:
Whatnamethistime · 20/05/2012 00:10

he doesnt believe you, hence cheers, I dont actually think he is sleeping with her, I think they have DS with them sleeping in a buggy.

I have to be honest and say, Id get someone to come over early to sit with twins and turn up at mates with his bag, Id need to know he was where he said he was at the least, for my own peace of mind.

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 20/05/2012 00:12

Nope no sorry nothing he is sayin we will talk tomoz and work things out i said theres no working abything out your gone were over and ill be contacting a solicitor on monday to see what i need to do

OP posts:
oooohhhhyes · 20/05/2012 00:14

Well done. Now's the time for that glass of wine.

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 20/05/2012 00:15

Ooooohyes you are righ i have resisted but now i need it just told him ill be getting the locks changed tomoz so he wont get in at all

OP posts:
Buckingfiatch · 20/05/2012 00:17

What was his reply?

See, I just don't think he can care that much. Years ago when I felt I couldn't cope much more, and told my partner it was over, he left work without even telling them. Just walked straight out and came straight home and refused to let me go. And I am glad he did. That is what he should be doing, the twunt.

Really, you deserve so much better and will get better. Stick to your guns.

RetroMom · 20/05/2012 00:19

Have that drink and a nice hot bath. Then try get some sleep. You've got babies and Golden Balls to deal with tomorrow.

rhondajean · 20/05/2012 00:21

Yes I was trying to think what my DH would do in those circumstances.

I realised I found it hard because he wouldn't do this! But if I told him his bags were packed, I have no doubt he would move heaven and earth to get here and talk me round.

You definitely deserve better.

Buckingfiatch · 20/05/2012 00:23

RetroMom, Golden Balls made me laugh as that is what my DP is called throughout his family by the men. Stepdad, Uncle etc as the women always look after him well and put more on his plate than theirs etc :D they always take the piss out of him for it.

Sorry, not trying to take the thread off course. Just had a little snort then.

RetroMom · 20/05/2012 00:23

Buckingfiatch I agree. My DP would be on the phone and then straight home, never mind text if he even thought our relationship was in jeopardy.

This man is behaving like a dog with two cocks.

Original poster
mummytogorguztwinsxx · 20/05/2012 00:30

A dog with two cocks love it

OP posts:
Buckingfiatch · 20/05/2012 00:33

He is indeed.

It wasn't even my DP's fault at the time. I was the twat to be honest. But yet he still put up a fight. There was just no other option in his eyes.

I can't believe how he is behaving towards you OP :( you really do deserve better and you will get better. But not whilst you are with him.