to be completely confused at teachers conflicting behavioural report. (long)

[laughlovelife]

Ds teacher, the past few weeks has said Ds has been very silly, not doing any work, constantly asking for "help" and saying is this enough etc... he is 6. Only writing a little on his extending writing topic etc...

so for two weeks, we have been very hard on him, no tv/xbox/playing outside/sweets etc... because we were getting daily reports that he was having a warnings, behaviour been "not brilliant" very little work been done etc...

since nursery we have been told he works really hard, extremely well behaved, is a intelligent little boy, excels in Math, IT, and his reading level is above those of his class, most children are on level 3, and ds is on level 6.

There is a reason why I am saying the above, the past few weeks she has said, ds is struggling with times tables, he can tell you the times table to 6, and this week she has said he has really struggled all week with the two times table, she has also said that he is really struggling to get him to read anything. So all week we have been doing times tables at home, and reading books and extended writing, not been doing it because he is apparently struggling, but doing it because of his apparent behaviour at school, and we have told him that any work he has missed or not doing in school he will be doing it at home, which the teacher has given us the course work to do so.

However today talking to the TA in his class (she is actually a teacher, but cannot get a teaching job, so shes doing TA work) today, after giving her the work he didn't do yesterday she was quite confused as to why ds is being given this work, she has said he is not struggling, not being silly, and that yesterday he done a reading in front of the class, and did a presentation on the computer about shape sorting by colour. I explained that me and dh have been heavy handed with ds for the past two weeks as she has told us his behaviour is "not brilliant" and that she is struggling to get him to do work, as he seem to have a not bothered attitude.

Every day we have been told ds behaviour has been below par, and work is coming home, and we punish him by doing the work at home, then he has a hours play with his brother and then its story, bath and bed.

This week has been incredibly difficult, as last week his class were involved in the making of a new c-bebbies programme and they are doing their extended writing on it, and ds can verbally tell you what he done, how they got their etc... but writing it down he needs constant encouragement, and his teacher said that she was getting increasingly frustrated with him because he needed constant encouragement, ie, so what happened X, so write that down, and so forth, verbally he can explain, but putting it on words he has really struggled with. On doing this work with him, it has became clear to me, that he struggles with this aspect of extended writing, however she has put it down to him being lazy, cant be bothered attitude .

Im now confused, as is the TA, she said she works close with ds and cannot understand where this opinion has came from.

so now I have two conflicting opinions, the past two weeks ive been told his behaviour has completely changed from what we know and have been told of our ds.

Everyday we have been told constant negatives, yet his TA has said he has been exceptional and working very hard, doing presentations etc...

Im also getting a little peed of the amount of homework coming home, he has to read a 32 page book a day, + 2 worksheets and spellings that he gets tested ona Friday for, + the work he has not been doing at school.

Im getting very frustrated and me and dh are not getting to spend quality time with him, and that we are punishing him for apparently being very poorly behaved. Nothing has changed in our home life etc...

I think even if the teacher said he has been poorly behaved today, I am going to allow him to play x box, do anything he wants etc... as I'm sick of punishing him, 2 week has been enough, and I cant continue with it any longer.

I will back the teacher up 100%, however this is just getting beyond a joke, I need my little boy to be a little boy, especially when I'm being told of one teacher that he has been exceptional.

who do I believe?

I'd make an appointment to go in and speak with the teacher to find out exactly what she is trying to tell you.

No one here is going to be able to tell you why you are getting conflicting information or who you should believe. But you need to find out because your son is in the middle of this.

I agree with parents supporting teachers (I'm both) but I do think that when children get home they need some down time too. So yes, stop the Xbox if you want to because that isn't essential, but let him go outside and run around with his friends because socially and physically that's just good for him.

I think the key information here is "he is 6". You're being terribly pushy for such a young chap.

Im not being pushy volvo, if ds does not do his homework, he gets kept in at lunchtime to do it, at homework club, is school is extremely strict.

I agree with FolkGirl. Make an appointment ot speak to the teacher about her specific concerns, and tell her your concerns about the amount of work he is expected to be doing.

When dd1 was that age I don't remember doing much homework with her at all. We read books (but I kept forgetting to fill in the reading diary ) and she had spelling and that was it. I would have objected to more tbh as I felt it was important for her to have time to play, and do other activities like swimming and Rainbows.

Thankyou folksgirl, when I collect him today I will ask for a appointment for next week, it definitely needs to be sorted, for ds sake, but for my own also.

No matter how advanced he is/was that is way too much pressure for a kid that age. Go and talk to the teacher and ask to see ds's work.

I think this teacher has no idea what to expect from a 6 year old by the sounds of it.

he's 6...

That is a lot of homework. I would have concerns about that as it can't leave much time for other activities/play.

As for the conflicting information - impossible to say. Peoples perceptions can differ. I listened agog yesterday as my colleague told a parent that their child had had a good morning (I'd spent the morning with him - it had been anything but). You need to discuss this with the teacher.

Sounds like me I struggled with extended writing, extremely good at reading for me age but just couldn't articulate in writing. I was diagnosed with dsylexia at university. Anyway, it sounds like the teacher doesn't like your DS. I would try having a meeting with the teacher, and let your DS have fun. It's not his fault if he struggles.

It certainly sounds as though a chat with the teacher is in order. Perhaps the teacher is being too pushy for a six year old. If that's the case then at least let him have some respite at home (though Xbox doesn't strike me as the ideal antidote). I'm sorry to have made a sharp comment, but it does bother me that we as a society push the kids so hard from such a young age compared to the rest of Europe.

a 32 page book every day? That's an awful lot for a 6 year old never mind the work sheets too, I'd be complaining about that.

I think this is way too much homework for a six year old and if the teacher's report is correct, it isn't doing much to improve his performance at school. I'm never overly keen at long term and rather severe punishments at home for alleged issues at school either. Your ds needs time to relax after school and not being allowed to play out seems rather harsh.

Has teacher got the wrong parents? Has she mixed DS up with another child?

It almost sounds as if they have mixed him up with someone else! No chance of this presumably. It does happen in secondary school sometimes.

My DD (5) started at a new school this week. She had been at a school very similar sounding in terms of homework etc since last September and was struggling as a result of hypermobility in her wrists (affected her writing skills and confidence). After missing a month of school due to glandular fever she fell behind (even though I had collected all her school work and kept up with homework ), and has struggled since to catch up. Top of the class in everything else except writing, teacher had no concerns except for pencil skills...... I had a weepy, clingy child who was getting no pleasure from learning. She hated even writing her name.

We took a step back and after agonising for weeks moved her to a new school with a different teaching ethos (more Scandinavian approach). I now have my DD back. She's happy and smiling, they have taken the pressure off her and she's voluntarily doing worksheets at home. I have a fridge front full of her writing practice, she copies out the shopping list and no more tears about going to school.

That seems like a huge amount of homework for his age, plus it seems like somewhat lazy teaching that you are expected to get him to do at home what they failed to manage to get him to do in the 6 ish hours he is in class.I also can't see how it would prompt better behaviour I would imagine the poor lad must be exhausted with a full days teaching and then very little down time in the evening.

Our DS who is 6 but only just so may be in the year below yours loves Maths but struggles a bit with reading and writing - not particularly I think because he is incapable of it but just because there are so many other things he wants to be doing, it's a typical boy thing.

I'd schedule another appointment in the first instance with the teacher and explain that you both need to find another way to handle this as it's too much to expect him to do all this in the evening and he can't do additional work over and above the already heavy homework load.
Then if things haven't improved in the next couple of weeks or you don't get a positive response I would go to the HT.

Please don't punish him at home for something that happens in school, leave that to school and have a fresh slate at home. Find out what is going on in school and have some fun with him at home, too much pressure for a child that age, he needs some down time at home.

well just been and collected him, ds got star of the week, pupil of the month (so whole school) and aso the dinner table award for good manners. I just looked at his teacher with my hands suggesting very confused parent here. I went over and asked what his behaviour was like today and she said "ok I suppose". she then continued to say that she has had to put more math and science work in his bag, as he did not complete it, ds piped up that he did the math and science sheets, and it was different sheets in his bag? she didn't disagree with this.

I asked if we could arrange a meeting for next week and she asked why, I said that I have had conflicting reports about ds behaviour and work achieved and I thought it should be discussed further, she asked whom by, and I said that I would speak about it in the meeting. she seemed quite put out by this. I also said why was he given star of the week/month, if his behaviour and work had been so poor, she just laughed and said it was to give him encouragement to strive.

On going home, Ds said that the HT said it was because he has worked really hard and his presentation was very very good.

Ds has just turned 6, hes not outside playing, and is playing xbox later on tonight, (as his nan and grandad had got him the new star wars 3 lego game 3 weeks ago, and because of the apparent poor behaviour we haven't allowed him) we are also getting him his favourite pizza in, and just generally going to spoil him.

I am really confused, why would a poorly behaved child get recognised and awarded with good work, by getting a gift and a certificate of achievement, and a cake of the dinner nannies???

On looking at this I am really considering just going to the HT?.

hes *now outside

How weird. If he already did his maths and science sheets, why would she give him more - ask other parents if their children have had any extra. I'd ask to see the head teacher.

It sounds like an incredible amount of pressure for a 6 year old. If he is asking for help and reassurance it could be down to the teacher making him feel not good enugh in the first place. I wou;ld ask for a meeting with the head, the teacher and the TA to get to the bottom of what is going on in the classroom. If he has done well for YOU this week, give him a huge treat and while I agree with supporting the teacher, I would limit the amount of work you expect him to do after school.