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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be completely confused at teachers conflicting behavioural report. (long)

105 replies

laughlovelife · 18/05/2012 14:51

Ds teacher, the past few weeks has said Ds has been very silly, not doing any work, constantly asking for "help" and saying is this enough etc... he is 6. Only writing a little on his extending writing topic etc...

so for two weeks, we have been very hard on him, no tv/xbox/playing outside/sweets etc... because we were getting daily reports that he was having a warnings, behaviour been "not brilliant" very little work been done etc...

since nursery we have been told he works really hard, extremely well behaved, is a intelligent little boy, excels in Math, IT, and his reading level is above those of his class, most children are on level 3, and ds is on level 6.

There is a reason why I am saying the above, the past few weeks she has said, ds is struggling with times tables, he can tell you the times table to 6, and this week she has said he has really struggled all week with the two times table, she has also said that he is really struggling to get him to read anything. So all week we have been doing times tables at home, and reading books and extended writing, not been doing it because he is apparently struggling, but doing it because of his apparent behaviour at school, and we have told him that any work he has missed or not doing in school he will be doing it at home, which the teacher has given us the course work to do so.

However today talking to the TA in his class (she is actually a teacher, but cannot get a teaching job, so shes doing TA work) today, after giving her the work he didn't do yesterday she was quite confused as to why ds is being given this work, she has said he is not struggling, not being silly, and that yesterday he done a reading in front of the class, and did a presentation on the computer about shape sorting by colour. I explained that me and dh have been heavy handed with ds for the past two weeks as she has told us his behaviour is "not brilliant" and that she is struggling to get him to do work, as he seem to have a not bothered attitude.

Every day we have been told ds behaviour has been below par, and work is coming home, and we punish him by doing the work at home, then he has a hours play with his brother and then its story, bath and bed.

This week has been incredibly difficult, as last week his class were involved in the making of a new c-bebbies programme and they are doing their extended writing on it, and ds can verbally tell you what he done, how they got their etc... but writing it down he needs constant encouragement, and his teacher said that she was getting increasingly frustrated with him because he needed constant encouragement, ie, so what happened X, so write that down, and so forth, verbally he can explain, but putting it on words he has really struggled with. On doing this work with him, it has became clear to me, that he struggles with this aspect of extended writing, however she has put it down to him being lazy, cant be bothered attitude Hmm.

Im now confused, as is the TA, she said she works close with ds and cannot understand where this opinion has came from.

so now I have two conflicting opinions, the past two weeks ive been told his behaviour has completely changed from what we know and have been told of our ds.

Everyday we have been told constant negatives, yet his TA has said he has been exceptional and working very hard, doing presentations etc...

Im also getting a little peed of the amount of homework coming home, he has to read a 32 page book a day, + 2 worksheets and spellings that he gets tested ona Friday for, + the work he has not been doing at school.

Im getting very frustrated and me and dh are not getting to spend quality time with him, and that we are punishing him for apparently being very poorly behaved. Nothing has changed in our home life etc...

I think even if the teacher said he has been poorly behaved today, I am going to allow him to play x box, do anything he wants etc... as I'm sick of punishing him, 2 week has been enough, and I cant continue with it any longer.

I will back the teacher up 100%, however this is just getting beyond a joke, I need my little boy to be a little boy, especially when I'm being told of one teacher that he has been exceptional.

who do I believe?

OP posts:
sugarice · 22/05/2012 12:38

Oh yes, OP how did it go ?

sugarice · 22/05/2012 15:33

bump

skybluepearl · 22/05/2012 17:12

how was it?

CeliaFate · 22/05/2012 19:43

How did you get on?

stargazer83 · 22/05/2012 21:42

Bump

nbee84 · 23/05/2012 18:27

bump

sashh · 24/05/2012 04:38

bump

Emmielu · 24/05/2012 06:00

DD is 5 & yesterday at school she read a 33 page book. Its by ability. Not page numbers. If they can read the book with ease why stop them half way because of the pages in the book?

Op, I understand you're trying to prevent him from falling behind because his teacher is making it seem like he will at this rate, but I'd get together with the teacher. This isn't right for your poor ds.

ChocolateTeacup · 24/05/2012 07:24

bump

CrystalsAreCool · 24/05/2012 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SassyPants · 25/05/2012 07:58

Where is our update? C'mon OP!

sugarice · 25/05/2012 08:46

I'm dead keen to hear how the meeting went. Come on OP where are you Smile

nbee84 · 25/05/2012 19:24

Bump

laughlovelife · 26/05/2012 10:18

sorry, Blush nice weather and all that.... hence no MN time.

Well the meeting went ahead without the CT Angry as she apparently couldn't attend, so I suggested we re-arrange to another time, as I would rather have the CT than the TA, apparently she wasn't available for another few weeks ????

Anyway dh asked how ds was getting on, we were told they had no concerns, his behaviour was excellent etc... dh then asked why ds was getting bad reports from his CT for 2 weeks solid, that he was getting extra homework brought home, why was the school allowing a 6 year old child to put under this stress etc... why was he getting homework to this extent etc... then on the next breath TA saying he was excellent etc... which she agreed with.

HT had no idea ds was getting this amount of homework, nor did she know he was getting extra work being sent home. she asked why we didn't question it and I said I just assumed it was the normal set homework being sent home.

At that moment dh asked if anybody had a clue on what was going on, as at the end of the day our 6 year old child has been severely punished at home and for what???? and his quality of home life being affected by all the miscommunication going on.

Nothing actually went on that we couldn't really solve or address due to CT not being there, so HT said she needed to speak to the CT more in depth and will set up another meeting.

DH contacting LEA and board of governors, which the HT knows about, as dh is now furious.

I would have thought they would have asked the CT, etc... or maybe the did, and she said everything was fine, I dont know, this week ds has came home with no homework, although some of his friends have, so I am now even more confused as ever.

more confused at the whole thing, as none of it makes an sense.

OP posts:
Feenie · 26/05/2012 10:35

Wow.

It's really, really odd that the TA attended but the CT didn't!

The Head would definitely have asked the CT if there was anything she needed to know - she wouldn't have gone into the meeting blind, and she would have known something was up by your reaction when you asked for a meeting. So it's even odder that the CT didn't pass on anything re these significant behaviour problems. Very strange. Not surprised your dh is furious.

Feenie · 26/05/2012 10:36

Do you know when the next meeting will be?

laughlovelife · 26/05/2012 10:38

next week, I spoke to HT on Friday and she said she was having a meeting with CT after school to see where the confusion lays/lies Confused

OP posts:
roundtable · 26/05/2012 10:41

That is very strange, I'm not surprised you're cross.

Hope this gets resolved soon.

IvanaNap · 26/05/2012 11:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

nbee84 · 26/05/2012 12:12

Thank you for coming back to update us nosey old souls Grin

Glad to hear your ds is doing well at school. Hope it all gets resolved with the CT to your satisfaction.

CrystalsAreCool · 26/05/2012 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sugarice · 26/05/2012 12:41

Well, the CT has clearly dropped a massive bollock and can't give a reasonable account regarding her homework policy and treatment of your ds so chickened out of the meeting. Good for you and dh in trying to get to the bottom of it. Keep us filled in as things progress.

Eglu · 26/05/2012 22:13

Appalling that the CT did not attend the meeting. So unprofessional, HT should have insisted she was there.

theworldaccordingtome · 28/05/2012 10:47

Keep us updated OP. Your poor son, bullying by school teachers of children is appalling and needs stamping out before lasting damage is done.

HecateTrivia · 29/05/2012 07:09

Sounds like the class teacher knows they have acted badly and is actually avoiding being in a meeting with you about it.

I can't think what else it could possibly be.