to be completely confused at teachers conflicting behavioural report. (long)

[laughlovelife]

Ds teacher, the past few weeks has said Ds has been very silly, not doing any work, constantly asking for "help" and saying is this enough etc... he is 6. Only writing a little on his extending writing topic etc...

so for two weeks, we have been very hard on him, no tv/xbox/playing outside/sweets etc... because we were getting daily reports that he was having a warnings, behaviour been "not brilliant" very little work been done etc...

since nursery we have been told he works really hard, extremely well behaved, is a intelligent little boy, excels in Math, IT, and his reading level is above those of his class, most children are on level 3, and ds is on level 6.

There is a reason why I am saying the above, the past few weeks she has said, ds is struggling with times tables, he can tell you the times table to 6, and this week she has said he has really struggled all week with the two times table, she has also said that he is really struggling to get him to read anything. So all week we have been doing times tables at home, and reading books and extended writing, not been doing it because he is apparently struggling, but doing it because of his apparent behaviour at school, and we have told him that any work he has missed or not doing in school he will be doing it at home, which the teacher has given us the course work to do so.

However today talking to the TA in his class (she is actually a teacher, but cannot get a teaching job, so shes doing TA work) today, after giving her the work he didn't do yesterday she was quite confused as to why ds is being given this work, she has said he is not struggling, not being silly, and that yesterday he done a reading in front of the class, and did a presentation on the computer about shape sorting by colour. I explained that me and dh have been heavy handed with ds for the past two weeks as she has told us his behaviour is "not brilliant" and that she is struggling to get him to do work, as he seem to have a not bothered attitude.

Every day we have been told ds behaviour has been below par, and work is coming home, and we punish him by doing the work at home, then he has a hours play with his brother and then its story, bath and bed.

This week has been incredibly difficult, as last week his class were involved in the making of a new c-bebbies programme and they are doing their extended writing on it, and ds can verbally tell you what he done, how they got their etc... but writing it down he needs constant encouragement, and his teacher said that she was getting increasingly frustrated with him because he needed constant encouragement, ie, so what happened X, so write that down, and so forth, verbally he can explain, but putting it on words he has really struggled with. On doing this work with him, it has became clear to me, that he struggles with this aspect of extended writing, however she has put it down to him being lazy, cant be bothered attitude .

Im now confused, as is the TA, she said she works close with ds and cannot understand where this opinion has came from.

so now I have two conflicting opinions, the past two weeks ive been told his behaviour has completely changed from what we know and have been told of our ds.

Everyday we have been told constant negatives, yet his TA has said he has been exceptional and working very hard, doing presentations etc...

Im also getting a little peed of the amount of homework coming home, he has to read a 32 page book a day, + 2 worksheets and spellings that he gets tested ona Friday for, + the work he has not been doing at school.

Im getting very frustrated and me and dh are not getting to spend quality time with him, and that we are punishing him for apparently being very poorly behaved. Nothing has changed in our home life etc...

I think even if the teacher said he has been poorly behaved today, I am going to allow him to play x box, do anything he wants etc... as I'm sick of punishing him, 2 week has been enough, and I cant continue with it any longer.

I will back the teacher up 100%, however this is just getting beyond a joke, I need my little boy to be a little boy, especially when I'm being told of one teacher that he has been exceptional.

who do I believe?

Sounds like the teacher has taken a dislike to him. Is she a nun? Nuns frequently had (IME) favorites and a 'chosen one' they liked to pick on.

Have a look at the sheets - if there is nothing written on them then they are new work sheets.

Next time ask her to show you another child's work (she can cover the name so no confidentiallity issues)

That is way to much homework for a 6 year old anyway. It also does sound like the teacher is picking on him a bit for some reason. So yes make sure you have a meting next week with TA,Teacher and HT. for this weekend just let your litle boy be a little boy and enjoy himself.

His school is the best state school on the area, top results, everyone wants a place to attend here, the school teachers other schools to achieve to the standard they do, as were voted best school on the whole of our county (out of 50+ schools) so they do have high expectations of the children.

Doesn't sound how I would identify "the best school" in the area. Top results != "best".

I think go and see the head quickly while his/her motivation for giving your DS the report is still fresh in his mind. It will crystallise the problem for them - she's effectively denied it was for good work and that's seriously odd.

He may not have a great teacher, but he seams to have a fabulous mum. You know your son and what he needs so follow your gut. You might have to ask the teacher to take some of the pressure off your son as he doesn't respond well to it. Good luck.

I can't even imagine that there would be this sort of pressure in a private school for a Y1 child. There certainly isn't in DS2's school. I didn't think they were supposed to 'have' to do homework until Y3 and a whole book a night it outragious. DS1 who is also in Y1 goes to various activities of an evening so we don't even get chance to read his school book every night (he does read to himslef in bed every night though at the very least).

TBH it doesn't sound like a very good school to me, outstanding/high achievements or not. Not all children are able to be pushed in this way even if they are really bright. I actually feel quite cross and sad reading this, your poor DS (and you).

To me it sound like your sons teacher has been given really high targets for children to achieve level 3 in Yr 2 and is being pressured by the slt at school. As a result she may have unrealistic expectations for the children in the class. She is stressed out so she pushes it onto the parents to push the kids. Your poor DS is stuck in the firing line. I might be wrong, but I know what it's like in schools esp in yr2. Heads pay is performance related and if year 2 don't get the results their pay is affected. If Your DS has always been bright his targets for Yr2 sats will be high based on his Foundation stage results so the pressure is on the school to ensure he leaves KS1 with a level 3. I think this is counter productive and will just turn kids off, but then again I'm not a head teacher. Don't play the game. Let him enjoy being a child- if he is reading at that level he is doing well. Don't let him get switched off by pushing him too hard.

Good point DoesItComeInBlack. It does seem a coincidence that all this extra work has been sent home during SATS month.

This sounds suspiciously like the class teacher having taken a dislike to your son. It also sounds incredibly like what happened to me in 2nd year of junior school (age 7). I was constantly picked on by the class teacher. She would tell me to do something, I would do it and then she would punish me for doing the wrong thing and send me out of class if I argued back. She told my mum that my behaviour was dreadful - in front of other parents - when other teachers were saying I was one of the best-behaved children in the school. She marked me down so I went from top of the class to below average. She gave me different homework and then claimed I hadn't listened to what I was told to do. It was a horrible year. One of the other teachers was my girl guide leader and after she left the school she told my mum that this teacher would choose someone in every year to pick on. If there was a younger sibling of a previous victim she would always chose that child, otherwise it was just at random.

I would talk to the head teacher. My mum did that to get my report amended when this teacher gave me a horrendous one.

well I asked the CT today, and she yet again did not acknowledge me, so I went straight to the office and asked if it were possible to have a meeting with the HT, CT and TA, as my request for a meeting went on deaf ears. HT asked me what it was about, and I said id rather wait until I had everyone in the room to discuss it, as I would like to see the reaction, as it concerned ds.

I asked her if my ds was doing ok in school, she said she knew of no reasons to doubt that ds was doing really well, and that last weeks awards was a testament to that.

I said if she wanted to discuss it with the TA and the CT, to get clarification, I would more than welcome her opinion of it, as I am as confused about the matter, just as she is.

I also said I had concerns about the homework, ds was bringing home, but that wasn't my immediate concern at the moment, and if possible would be we able to discuss it if there was time.

She asked me if I was ok, and I apologised for giving little away, however because of the nature of my concerns, I thought it was best to not give away too much information, she appreciated and respected my choice, although said she was worried that it has came to this, and couldn't understand why I was asking to see her about my ds, she asked specifically if it was about him and I said yes.

She asked if I could attend at lunch time but I couldn't as had other appointments.

So meeting is tomorrow at 10.30am as dh can attend then also.

Well done! you sounded great. Hope your meeting goes well, good luck

Sounds great. Good luck.

our 7 year old dd gets 15 pages of a book one night, the sheet the next night, the next 15 pages (or however many to the end of the book) the next night, the second sheet the next night, then 15 pages of new book on the next night. She also has spellings to do all week which she is tested on on the Friday. This is a private school. The amount your ds has sounds crazy.

Thought id say also, Ive been reading everyone's comments, and I will reply back,just been a very busy weekend, however concerning the dyslexia comments, unfortunately/fortunately I also have dyslexia, so its always a concern, and is something that I worry about.

I think currently, and this may sound silly, that ds is a typical boy, can walk the walk but not actually say that walk if that makes sense, I have spoken to a few friends and their children also struggled (all boys) but putting their thoughts on paper so I am hoping its just that, that he has just come up a brick wall when doing extending writing, but it is something that we will have to work on with him.

someone suggested to me that, ask him to make me a list when I go shopping at the weekend of what he wants/needs no change of getting it but apparently it helps by putting his thoughts on paper?? do you think that will work? Out side of normal homework, he is NOT doing extra work this week, as I dont want to be the pushy over education stress my child out mother.

Not only that, but he's 7. He's going to school to learn how to do extended writing which is very well supported at this age.

He's not expected to be able to do it already!

FolkGirl, hes only just turned 6 (end of feb) Thankyou for your advice also, have written a few down to take in with me

He sounds like a lovely little boy and I think you are being too hard on him and so is the teacher. In a lot of countries kids don't even start school till they are 7.

My DS is in a different country. He is 7, in Year 1.
They are doing sums only.

No point in pushing children too much too early!

And certainly not studying all afternoon at primary school level, FGS!

My mother was a primary school teacher and she is against home work, at least too much of it.
If his behaviour is not good in class, it's primarily his teacher's problem. Unless he is being violent and disruptive.

Good luck in the meeting tomorrow.

Sorry! I don't know why I put 7!

I'd 'remembered' it, but clearly my memory is rubbish .

I hope the HT gets this sorted.

Good luck Laughlovelife

I hope that the meeting goes well. It does sound like something is wrong here. Keep your cool in the meeting and stick to the facts. Reinforce that your concern is ensuring that your child achieves to the best of his ability but that you are concerned by the differing accounts you have received and the extra work load may well be detrimental. This approach should stop any party feeling alienated or got at and keep your little boy's happiness and education at the centre.

You sound like you have it all under control.

What was your reason for not telling the HT in advance what the meeting is about just out of interest? Is it because you think it will give the CT time to prepare a defence and that she may not be truthful?

Let us know how you got on.