to be completely confused at teachers conflicting behavioural report. (long)

[laughlovelife]

Ds teacher, the past few weeks has said Ds has been very silly, not doing any work, constantly asking for "help" and saying is this enough etc... he is 6. Only writing a little on his extending writing topic etc...

so for two weeks, we have been very hard on him, no tv/xbox/playing outside/sweets etc... because we were getting daily reports that he was having a warnings, behaviour been "not brilliant" very little work been done etc...

since nursery we have been told he works really hard, extremely well behaved, is a intelligent little boy, excels in Math, IT, and his reading level is above those of his class, most children are on level 3, and ds is on level 6.

There is a reason why I am saying the above, the past few weeks she has said, ds is struggling with times tables, he can tell you the times table to 6, and this week she has said he has really struggled all week with the two times table, she has also said that he is really struggling to get him to read anything. So all week we have been doing times tables at home, and reading books and extended writing, not been doing it because he is apparently struggling, but doing it because of his apparent behaviour at school, and we have told him that any work he has missed or not doing in school he will be doing it at home, which the teacher has given us the course work to do so.

However today talking to the TA in his class (she is actually a teacher, but cannot get a teaching job, so shes doing TA work) today, after giving her the work he didn't do yesterday she was quite confused as to why ds is being given this work, she has said he is not struggling, not being silly, and that yesterday he done a reading in front of the class, and did a presentation on the computer about shape sorting by colour. I explained that me and dh have been heavy handed with ds for the past two weeks as she has told us his behaviour is "not brilliant" and that she is struggling to get him to do work, as he seem to have a not bothered attitude.

Every day we have been told ds behaviour has been below par, and work is coming home, and we punish him by doing the work at home, then he has a hours play with his brother and then its story, bath and bed.

This week has been incredibly difficult, as last week his class were involved in the making of a new c-bebbies programme and they are doing their extended writing on it, and ds can verbally tell you what he done, how they got their etc... but writing it down he needs constant encouragement, and his teacher said that she was getting increasingly frustrated with him because he needed constant encouragement, ie, so what happened X, so write that down, and so forth, verbally he can explain, but putting it on words he has really struggled with. On doing this work with him, it has became clear to me, that he struggles with this aspect of extended writing, however she has put it down to him being lazy, cant be bothered attitude .

Im now confused, as is the TA, she said she works close with ds and cannot understand where this opinion has came from.

so now I have two conflicting opinions, the past two weeks ive been told his behaviour has completely changed from what we know and have been told of our ds.

Everyday we have been told constant negatives, yet his TA has said he has been exceptional and working very hard, doing presentations etc...

Im also getting a little peed of the amount of homework coming home, he has to read a 32 page book a day, + 2 worksheets and spellings that he gets tested ona Friday for, + the work he has not been doing at school.

Im getting very frustrated and me and dh are not getting to spend quality time with him, and that we are punishing him for apparently being very poorly behaved. Nothing has changed in our home life etc...

I think even if the teacher said he has been poorly behaved today, I am going to allow him to play x box, do anything he wants etc... as I'm sick of punishing him, 2 week has been enough, and I cant continue with it any longer.

I will back the teacher up 100%, however this is just getting beyond a joke, I need my little boy to be a little boy, especially when I'm being told of one teacher that he has been exceptional.

who do I believe?

I'll be honest if my 6 year old was getting that much homework I'd blatantly refuse to do it. He's 6 FGS! My 9 year old doesn't get that much homework.

Yes go to HT, I'd be quite confused too!
It may be that he acts up only for the teacher & charms the TA or that TA is simply blind to his faults. Gotta clarify, anyway.

I agree that you need to make an appointment with the HT, but I also feel you need to take a step back with sanctions.
Whilst I fully agree with parents supporting school, I think some things need to be left in school.
If his behaviour is a bit wobbly and he is receiving sanctions in school he doesn't need more at home. Back school up and say that he must make up his work etc, but don't punish him at home. He's only six and the home sanctions are too far removed from the transgressions.
In fact, if you do anything, he needs rewards for 'good' rather than punishments for 'bad'.

I also think he's being given too much to do at home and if your view of the situation is correct it does seem to appear that there is a bit of a personality clash going on here.

1. What goes on in school should stay in school unless behaviour has been horrific.
2. He is having a lot of homework for such a young age
3. His teacher sounds unbalanced. Make sure she and the TA are present for the meeting and if you're still unhappy go to the headteacher.
4. If your son doesn't do his best in school, it may be because he's tired or unwell. You do sound a bit hard on him (I applaud your wish to support the teacher and for your ds to do well, but perhaps a bit more leeway should be given).

wtaf??? has a 6 year old boy who reads on level 2 has just started adding dosnt even know what a times table is!

I would be very suspicious of a teacher that is reluctant to meet. She should be completely open your request for a meeting. Very odd.

Is he in private school OP? Is the teacher under pressure to get exceptional results? Do they have SATs or equivalent coming up?
None of these excuse her behaviour of course, I just think they may be the cause of it.

I wondered if the teacher felt he was very good (as in clever) and, therefore, had very high expectations of him. Thus the "extra" homework. Is she trying to push him further than the rest? Not defending her as this is poor communication but just wondered.

Sorry but find this really hard to believe! A 6 year old is expected to read a 32 page book a night!!!!!!!! Really!!!!!!

If he's ahead in reading, could you relax on that, maybe 1 book a week, and concentrqte on his times tables instead?

It does sound as though there's an issue with the class teacher though... we had similar in YR, when we queried conflicting reports over DD's literacy. Thankfully maternity leave solved the issue for us.

OK, my guess (as a teacher) is that your DS is nowhere near meeting the target that the school set for him earlier in the year. (the target may have been too high to start with, target setting is now far too political)

And there is no surprise that your son is being badly behaved atm (if he actually is) if one minute he is being rewarded and the next reprimanded.

I would ask for a meeting with the head and ask for CT & TA to be present.

I'd go see the head if I were you. And I'd ask the head to explain the reports rather than the teacher. In light of his apparent good conduct according to awards and the TA, it sounds like the CT just doesn't like him.

Have to be honest my DD's teacher doesn't like DD and it's obvious sometimes however much she attempts to be fair. Mind you DD doesn't like her either, sometimes there is just a clash. It's one year and nearly over. Hopefully the next year's teacher will be better. Perhaps this is what is going on in your case.

Either that or your son is being unspeakably rude just to one person (although this can happen, DD went through a stage of being horrid to one adult we know for no apparent reason).

So did she agree to a meeting next week? It's odd if she found your request surprising as is her apparent reluctance to meet. If she tries to fob you off ask to meet with the HT.

It all sounds very confusing for the poor lad. One minute being punished at school and home and the next being rewarded at school and home. Being told he is star of the week because he has worked very very hard and on the same day having work sent home because he is not working hard enough. Then going home and getting lots of treats. He probably hasn't got a clue what the hell is going on or what he is supposed to do.

Seems strange this has all come to a head now, there's not much of the school year left! Was everything ok until recently or were there other issues before?

I totally agree with supporting the school. If I'm told there's an issue at school my child gets a jolly good talking to and left in no doubt that I am on the teacher's side. I wouldn't be getting them to do all that work at home. It sounds really excessive.

Ive never had a problem with her, normally I dont need to speak to her, or have had any issues, ds is, I believe a very popular boy, has a few GF and until a few weeks ago Ive never had any issues with the state school.

If he does not do a book a day he then has to go to homework club in his lunchtime, hence why we do it, but tbh, he loves reading so we dont have a issue with that one. Id rather do it at home, than him at lunch time, we read half after dinner, half at bedtime and then we read his fav book (the gruffalo) for lights out.

I had reservations when she was allocated Y1 as a few years back she was removed from teaching the class, into a Y4 class as many many parents complained, but for me personally Ive never had any issues until currently.

I dont want to gang up and say this teacher is crap etc... because I dont know and its possible that ds has took a dislike to her over the past few weeks, however knowing my ds, he's not like that, but as you know with children never say never.

His school is the best state school on the area, top results, everyone wants a place to attend here, the school teachers other schools to achieve to the standard they do, as were voted best school on the whole of our county (out of 50+ schools) so they do have high expectations of the children.

defo be having a meeting, hopefully with all involved (CT, TA and if possible HT).

She didn't agree to the meeting, I requested it and she asked why, but no one confirmed anything, however will be asking Monday for one, asking for date and time.

DS still out playing, playing football, and we are going out soon as his friend has asked for him to go and play, and we parents, having a few vinos

"It all sounds very confusing for the poor lad. One minute being punished at school and home and the next being rewarded at school and home. Being told he is star of the week because he has worked very very hard and on the same day having work sent home because he is not working hard enough. Then going home and getting lots of treats. He probably hasn't got a clue what the hell is going on or what he is supposed to do"I

I agree, as the parent, I done what the school asked of me, but two weeks later and apparently no improvement, Ive quite frankly had enough, my dh wants me to TELL the school that he wont be doing work that isnt being done in the class room, at home, other than his homework which all the other children are receiving. Also unless the behaviour is REALLY bad, dh does not want us to punish him any further, because the last few weeks have been quite rank, ds have simply done what has been asked of him, but on occasions we have had some tears.

His friend is in DS class, so I will ask his parents what homework did their little boy get.

I think you should possibly be asking to have the HT at the meeting anyway.

I also think you are being incredibly harsh on him at home by banning everything and basically not letting him have any fun because you have been told he has not completed work. He is only 6,and you are being cruel imo.

OP I think your DS may be being bullied by this teacher. Sadly it does happen, it happened to my DS1 and despite the intervention of the HT and other staff, the bullying behaviour continued, it had a dire effect on DS1 and when we found out she was going to teach his class for an other year we moved schools (the only thing that had kept us going was thinking it was only for a couple of more months).

Incidentally, DS1 was very, off the scale bright academically and we later found out he was not the only academic child who had left the school after being picked on by this teacher.

Also, I think, unless there has been appalling bad behaviour, leave the sanctions to the school - we will tell off our DC for bad behaviour (a proper dressing down), but rarely remove home privileges - the school will already have punished them.

He's 6. Love him for who he is. Make an appointment with the HT and tell it as you have told it here. Ask for the school's tracking information about your son. Ask if he is behind, if he is naughty, if there are any general concerned about him. If not, ask why the teacher has reported as she has. Also, why is the teacher reporting to you daily. that is not normal.

I would not punish my child for behaviour that happened at school. I would nod and agree, then ignore te request. I'd ask ds what was going on and have a low key chat about it but leave it at that. You have to have faith in your ds, he sounds lovely. he's winning awards and the teacher sounds like a loon.

'So all week we have been doing times tables at home, and reading books and extended writing, not been doing it because he is apparently struggling, but doing it because of his apparent behaviour at school...'

I wouldn't think it would be a good idea to use school work as a punishment. Surely he will start to resent it? Why on earth would you want a 6 year old to do extended writing at home? They are little children and have just done a long 6 hour day. Perhaps that's why he's acting up.
The way to improve writing at that age is by talking to your child - extending his vocabulary, retelling stories, sharing stories. Not sitting down and making him write.

I'm a primary Headteacher - if I had a parent going through this with one of MY staff, I'd want to know about it.
My advice is not to chase up the meeting with the teacher - you have asked for one and it's up to HER to organise this and get back in touch with you.
In the meantime, pop in and see the Head. I think you have been incredibly reasonable and very supportive of the school but if you no longer understand whats going on or how you can help your son then you need them to clarify all of this.
Poor little mite. I would ask parents to support us in getting a child to finish work off at home once or twice but never long term.

I would also want to know why the teacher and TA are not working together to address your ds's supposed behaviour problems. On the one hand, it's so bad the teacher has to report to you daily, yet the TA doesn't even know about it? It's serious if the teacher and TA are giving you completely different information, because a)someone is completely wrong in their perception of what is being presented as a serious problem and b) the teacher and TA are on a completely different page wrt to working together to help your ds.