To think that this is an odd way to react to being told the news about your first grandchild

[coocoocatchoo]

DH and I have just found out that we're having our first baby and were keen to let our parents in on our fantastic news. When we told DH's mum and dad, I felt quite upset at their reaction, if you can call it that. The thing is, they didn't seem to react at all. If you'd have walked into the room just after we'd broken the news, you wouldn't have known at all that we'd announced anything. It was quite bizarre. DH and I continued on chatting, more to fill the awkward silence than anything. We didn't even get a 'congratulations' out of them...even my boss did that much!

They aren't very emotional people, but for this announcement I did expect something along the lines of 'we're really happy for you' at least! AIBU to expect a bit of a fuss from our nearest and dearest (esp the future grandparents about their first grandchild?) Has anyone else had the same sort of reaction from their families/in laws??

When we told PIL, we had just driven about 7 hrs to visit. MIL asked if I would like a cup of tea, and I replied, 'yes please, but decaf for me please, here, I've brought some with me', she looked at me funnily and asked why and I replied that we were expecting their first gc. MIL was beside herself with excitement, FIL just started rummaging in the cupboard muttering about not thinking they had decaf. It was very odd. But, they are the most thoughtful, kind, doting gp's anyone could ask for, ds and dd are very very lucky to have them. I think it's possibly a generation thing, FIL is in his 70's so I maybe considered it a bit embarrassing to be discussing 'women's things'.

Oh God yes good point DPrince. DHs parents had had a still birth just before him and I think that's why they were so reticent to enthuse until DS was actually here. And my grandparents didn't get a thing for him, which upset us at the time (they'd been very generous with my sister) but the day after he was born they bought us a cot. Again, I think it was superstition.

Perhaps that's why they reacted how they did. There may be something even your DP doesn't know about that makes them a bit hesitant to be more jubilent.

Because it involves you having had SEX.

My DH rang his dad to tell him his first grandchild was on the way and was met with complete silence, had to check he was still on the line. When he eventually did speak he said " I'm not ready to be a grandfather". He was 63 Idiot

However, Mil (divorced) was initially underwhelmed too. Poor DH was crestfallen. But she turned out to be fabulous. Totally surpassed our expectations which admittedly were v low. Very sadly she died last year but we are so glad we got to see how lovely a grandmother she was.

Sorry you didn't get the reaction you'd quite rightly expect. Hopefully they'll be brilliant grandparents and the excitement will build over the next few months

Congratulations!

The first thing my MIL said to us when we told her she'd be meeting her first grandchild in a few months was "but I'm too young to be a grandma!" too young aged over 60? I don't think so!

Mind you my dad was even worse. "You're joking? Oh for fuck sake!" And then he hung up on me. He was pissed off at me for getting pregnant so young (20) and thought I did it to copy my sister Yes because having a baby a year after she did is exactly like the time I insisted on getting a bra when DSis did despite having nothing to put into it.

Bloody parents! Anyway bet your inlaws will be totally different when baby comes along. Whenever we see inlaws MIL follows DD everywhere and they are both infatuated with her.

"My dad looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable with each pg announcement and tried to change the subject. I said "I'm pregnant", he heard "I've been enjoying cock as often as I can get and I love it!".

My DM called me a stupid girl :o
My DgM went into shock. Had to ring the doctor out for her.

Gotta love a good teen pregnancy from the uber good girl in the family.

Both my DM and my DgM doted on him once he was born.

My mum said that when she was pregnant you weren't supposed to talk about it in public [coz it's like talking about sex, innit...] and were supposed to wear clothes that hid the bump as much as possible.

Plus the idea of not wanting to count your chickens/grandchildren until they've hatched. Result - both parents really not wanting to talk about the baby until he arrived, at which point they both breathed a big sigh of relief and have become doting grandparents!

Though my dad is still clearly uncomfortable with the idea that his one and only child has definitely had sex twice now. :)

20 years ago, the first thing my in-laws said was 'don't expect to bring him down here in the summer and have us look after him....' Nice. And he was only ever invited to stay a couple of times. He is their first grandchild.

My mum was a bit taken aback when I told her I was expecting my 4th child but I do understand that, i was 42 and had been with my new man about 4 months. Our daughter is 4 now and my parents totally adore her.

Maybe they'd just written a Will, and were exhausted at the thought of having to change it.

When I told my mum I was pg with ds3, she clutched her bosom, staggered back onto a chair and whispered 'oh god'. MAJOR overreaction to the fact that I was really ill throughout my first two pgs. She never did say congratulations!

Haha when we told my inlaws they thought we meant we were getting another dog for a bit.

MIL was not happy when we announced our engagement. At the time I was a bit annoyed, but she was just worried as we were so young.

Excellent inlaws/grandparents though, people can just take a while to digest things.

When we told my MIL, she just said "who wants pie?"

My MIL's first reaction was 'Oh my god you're going to get fat'
Pretty much in line with reaction to when we announced we would be getting married 'Well I wont be doing THAT again I can tell you' (she is divorced)
But she is actually a fantastic grandma and has been incredibly supportive in deeds if not in words!!!

DD1 was completely unplanned and my now DH and I had only been together for 8 months when I got pregnant. Lots of drama surrounding that pregnancy from DH's side of the family. Told MIL at 14 weeks who forbade us to tell FIL and therefore unable to tell BIL either (long story!!)

BIL told when I was 6 months pregnant and FIL told when I was 7 months pregnant. And to top it off it was a 'good idea' if I didn't go with DH, who was the still my DP, to tell FIL the news. And MIL pretended it was all news to her when FIL was eventual told. Oh and FIL was ready to disown DH for me being pregnant.

Apparently neither BIL or FIL approved of me, which FIL made clear 6 weeks before we were due to fly out with many relatives to get married by telling DH that I wasn't good enough for him and that he didn't have to marry me. Twunt.

As a result FIL didn't see DD1 until she was 6 weeks old and I do believe MIL sobbing to DH that FIL really was sorry for the way he reacted and that he was so upset he'd not seen her yet was a big fat lie. He was so obviously not expecting us to be there when he got home from work.

Ahem...sorry for the vent

Congratulations!!! :D

Sorry for sleeping mistakes - well past my bed time! Also we got married when DD1 was 2.5, reading my post back doesn't make sense in my head

Gah!!!!! Spelling mistakes not sleeping!!

I remember when my best friend told her parents, I was there because BF had previously decided to keep quiet until 12 weeks (I already knew, was there for the BFP!) but blurted it out on her birthday, in her excitement.

Her mother cried, out of emotion we thought, but then she turned on BF and told her how selfish she was as she (the mother) was clearly not ready to be a grandmother and how she (BF) was so selfish and never thought of anyone but herself!

The irony of that statement was something to behold!

BF was gutted :( understandably, but eventually her mother came around to the idea and was doting, infact overly so at times.

I should say that BF was in her late twenties, married and stable, and her mum was well into her fifties!
What I am saying is that initial reaction isnt always an indicator of long term feelings.

Sometimes I think parents haven't necessarily thought about BEING grandparents one day. So it makes them automatically, unexpectedly old, (think about their own experience of grandparents) however silly that may be. They also now know we, their children, have sex . For mums there is probably a bit of jealousy; DD or DIL can have children, and she can't (even if that might have been true for years). For Dads, we will always be their little girls.
Congrats OP. Hope it all goes well.

Well first of all congratulations! My mum cried (with happiness) when we told her. Then refused to get excited through the whole pregnancy. In fact often quite negative as if I was going to lose the baby. I was already neurotic as dd was ivf miracle baby so I was terrified of losing her. Also told me of newspaper articles (prob DM) about mistakes being made at fertility clinics like wrong fertilised eggs being put back and then having to hand baby to "right couple" after birth being left with nothing. That made my last few months fun. We can now see the funny side and have accepted she can often be the prophet of gloom and absolutely adores and dotes on her gd. Parents are weird

Firstly, Many Congratulations on the pregnancy!
When we told my parents, they went a bit quiet, and didn't really say anything, as think they were in shock, as it was their first grandchid. I too left, underwhelmed like yourself. It is weird, that, all your life you're avoiding getting pg, and then you do, and feel like you've done something naghty lol!
We told mil, and fil, and this was their 5th grandchild, they already had 4 gransons, so were pleased when it turned out to be a girl, their first grandaughter.
Now, my parents absolutely dote on the girls, and are just great with them. We now live in Oz, and they'd give their right arm to have them back.
All, I'm saying, is give it time, and I'll bet you, next time you see them, they'll have made some plans/thought about things for the baby :)

When DH told MIL we were expecting DC2 on the phone she was silent for a long time and then very hostile for the rest of the conversation. When he told her about DC3 she said oh dear, and made a noise like she was being sick! My DM said "oh no, SEYMORE!" in the same tone she used to use when telling me off as a kid.

They have been fantastic grandparents though.

I've promised myself that I will be shrieking with enthusiasm when my DCs announce their pregnancies when the time comes provided they are over 30

My parents (and everyone's) reactions were awful. We had been trying for almost a year (i am 35) and they knew this and every time they spoke to me i got the sigh and 'no news yet'? question. So we thought they would be really pleased, erm, no!

We told them on boxing day when I was 6 wks pregnant (because i was very sick and also wouldn't be drinking at their xmas party, so thought it best to be honest - AND i thought they would be happy). The first response was anger 'why are you telling us so early when knowing your luck you will lose it'? then it was inconvenience 'oh i suppose you'll be one of those stupid middle class types who wont drink and wont be drinking at our xmas party? you'll be really boring, that's not very nice for us is it? You've ruined the party'

They then swore me to secrecy as they were convinced i would mc. I told my sister at 12 wks and after she sent me nasty txts saying i should have told her earlier and how out of order i was (incidentally she told everyone at 6 weeks and my parents were over the moon - i was there when she told us all and my parents reaction couldn't have been more different to with me). And she hasn't spoken to me since (i am 25 wks now).

My dad spent the whole xmas being really unpleasant and rolling his eyes and ridiculing me if i said anything pregnancy related, like; i am tired, i feel sick, i really really don't want a drink thanks etc. It turned into a huge row and he stormed off.

DP's parents don't speak to me and he is an only child, we have no friends and tbh if it wasn't for all the lovely messages from mnetters i'm not sure i would have coped.

So Congratulations OP. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and i am sure your parents will warm up :)

spuddy - more congratulations from me :) x

We told MIL and my parents (and DB) about DC3 over dinner. MIL said "pass the gravy" and DM asked how many weeks and then asked for the gravy after MIL. DF said nothing. DB took me aside later to ask whether I'd really said what he'd thought I'd said because he couldn't believe the reaction.