To think that this is an odd way to react to being told the news about your first grandchild

[coocoocatchoo]

DH and I have just found out that we're having our first baby and were keen to let our parents in on our fantastic news. When we told DH's mum and dad, I felt quite upset at their reaction, if you can call it that. The thing is, they didn't seem to react at all. If you'd have walked into the room just after we'd broken the news, you wouldn't have known at all that we'd announced anything. It was quite bizarre. DH and I continued on chatting, more to fill the awkward silence than anything. We didn't even get a 'congratulations' out of them...even my boss did that much!

They aren't very emotional people, but for this announcement I did expect something along the lines of 'we're really happy for you' at least! AIBU to expect a bit of a fuss from our nearest and dearest (esp the future grandparents about their first grandchild?) Has anyone else had the same sort of reaction from their families/in laws??

My DGPs did a massive under-reaction to DM's second pg which my DM still remembers to this day, 40 years later. My DPs were so let down when they left DGPs house to go home DF said to DM "Let's stop at the first phone box and ring your mother - she'll be excited". And they did, and other DGM was gratifyingly and deafeningly enthusiastic, whichever them feel much better.

Thanks for all the congrats and advice! Making me feel a lot better to know that im not alone with these strange reactions! Hoping it will sink in and they'll be a bit more 'emotional' when baby is actually here. I worry that they'll be a bit frosty with the little one TBH, and their reaction didn't help.

Congratulations on your good news.When we told my lovely mum that I was pregnant,her first response was 'How did that happen'.That was Christmas Eve 1975.She eventually gathered her wits and congratulated us blaming her odd reply on the fact that she had been on the cooking sherry.She's sadly no longer with us,she died 10 years ago but she was a wonderful grandma and great grandma to many.Perhaps your in laws just need some time to come to terms with your news,hope so anyway.Best wishes Mx.

...erm "which made them feel much better"

Congratulations!

My MIL asked if it was planned. We were 33 and had been married for two years so surely it can't have been that much of a surprise. FIL (aged 76) said he was too young to be a Grandfather. They have been very doting since though.

RedDaisy - I need to know now, what did Sandra think about it?

My mum asked how many weeks along I was and then said "well, it could still fall out". I did get the time difference wrong and it was 2 am. She has also been lovely since.

When I told mil over the phone that I was expecting DC3, she said 'Oh, no!'

She quickly backpedalled and said it was because she thought we only wanted two, but I know it was because she wanted us to take the kids to fils 60th celebration this year and knew we wouldn't be able to make the long journey with such a young child .

Even though I am so cross she said something so nasty, she and fil are very fond of ds2 and have always been lovely to him. Your in laws will probably melt when they see your bubs for the first time (well that is if they aren't busy complaining that you went two weeks overdue and they were forced to pay to change their flight like my pil !)

Congratulations! Don't allow the reaction of others to limit your own happiness, they may be odd, they may have reasons for feeling uncomfortable, they may not be the type of people who like happy news - who knows? But you are happy so sod 'em. Don't spend time 'hoping' they will get emotional, because then you are making your happiness dependent on their reactions, which ultimately is irrelevant.

My own experience of this sort of thing was when I told my dad I was engaged, he said he didn't really believe in marriage, that he had tried to break it off with my mum before they wed (they're still together, this was a shock revelation!) and he had always hoped his kids wouldn't marry. Cheers dad!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes I was wondering same!

I think that sometimes we don't appreciate how much of a shift it is to announce pregnancy so enthusiastically, and share details with our families, than when our parents had us 30/40 years ago.

OP - I'm sure they won't be frosty with your baby, it was just a shock to them. Maybe your MIL suffered miscarriages so finds it hard to be happy about an early pregnancy? There could be any number of reasons why they reacted as they did.
Some of the older members of my family (not my parents) were distinctly muted about my pregnancies but full of congratulations when I actually had both my boys, and they dote on them.

Similar odd reactions - I hadn't realised how common it was! My own Dad still hasn't said congratulations..indeed, hasn't actually spoken about it to me at all since I said i was pg!!!!! My mum's reaction to the fact that I've been really poorly (horrific morning sickness and tiredness) was to tell me to pull myself together and stop wingeing. (i'm 38 btw!!!) I guess to some parents, we will always be their little child. And who wants to know that their little child has been having sex LOL!

I'm hoping they will both come round massively once the baby is born. My parents are great, but not openly emotional ppl at all (they have never told me that they love me, just not their way, but they have shown me all my life) so I think it's just them being typically not enthusiastic! Mum's reaction to our recent scan picture was 'Nice one' ...NICE ONE???!!! lol.

Us - we have some news, we're going to have a baby!

PIL - [pause] so we went to the cinema last week and ....etc

Pretty sure they had persuaded themselves that DH and I would not be a permanent fixture!

I think for some people pregnancy=rampant sexy time.

My dad looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable with each pg announcement and tried to change the subject. I said "I'm pregnant", he heard "I've been enjoying cock as often as I can get and I love it!".

Hopefully they will warm up

The first time, my usually supportive, wonderful parents said "with him? on purpose?"

The second time (after miscarrying the first ) they said barely anything.

They are now the most besotted, amazing, committed granparents you could possibly imagine. I think the first reaction was based in shock and the second in concern.

I hope you find the same!

What a shame for you OP, should have been celebrations. Hopefully once your LO is here they will defrost a little. If not it is their loss.
I was lucky as our family were delighted but my dad did say 'well done' to DH which I found strange when you think what he is congratulating him on 'doing' with his daughter. Turns out lots of people say that and I giggled every time
Huge congrats to you and I hope you enjoy your pregnancy.

My dad started talking about the work top he'd replaced in the kitchen. Most odd, my mum rang and apologised later, poor dad was just speechless!

Have you stolen my MiL OP? Her and FiLs reaction was 'oh right. Do you want a brew?' nothing like a bit of enthusiasm eh?

My Mum properly broke down in floods of tears when we told her about me being pregnant. You'd think she'd been told I was dying. She kept going 'noooooo!! Noooo!! Nooooo!!' It was weird. She was actually completely thrilled.
She also said ,bear in mind I was 12 weeks pregnant at this time and it had taken years and years to get to that point, 'don't let it be an only'.
You can't please some people!

Congratulations! It's disappointing but delight isn't the universal reaction of GPs-to-be. My dad was really quiet for the whole of my pregnancy with DS and my mum told me that he was finding it quite difficult to get used to the thought of being a granddad, but once DS arrived he was delighted and has since been the model grandparent.

Congratulations! When I told our in-laws about the first baby, FIL welled up and was delighted.

MIL said 'I didn't think you would want any children'

I was 29/30 and just married too - anyone else would have bet on us breeding ASAP!

NoOnesGoingtoEatYourEyes - I don't really know. DP emailed her to tell her as things were still very acrimonious at the time and I imagine she wasn't too thrilled as she had made it clear she still wanted to get back with DP even though they had split several years earlier. She even posed as a disgruntled client and complained about me to my boss! But everything is fine now and even her mum sends the odd present over for DD which is very nice. I wouldn't say we are all friends but things are friendly which is great for DSD.

Dhs grandparents were the same. They worried about celebrating until 12 weeks. But dhs grandma lost 4 babies before 12weeks then adopted mil. So I understand. They felt they were jinxing it.

And congrats btw OP. The inlaws were the first people we told as well and after our disappointing response we drove two hours away just to tell my mum! Who said:"Now my life couldn't get any more perfect."

OP, congratulations.

The PILs sound boring and anciently embarrassed.