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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sitting here sobbing because best friend just called to say she's pg

118 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:11

... on the very same day I have found out I'm not.

I'm genuinely so SO happy for her, she's amazing and she deserves this so much.

but the timing is awful from my pov. am just sitting here sobbing and feeling guilty and shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:24

maddening - I know - I keep thinking of a friend of mine who got pg years ago after one night stand with (creepy) man. It was something like two days after her period finished so she thought she'd got away with it... she hadn't.

OP posts:
blizy · 17/05/2012 14:25

emeraldgirl it bloody sucks, I'm the same just now. Been ttc for 13 months and everyone around me seems to fall pg just by looking at sperm!

I hope you get that elusive BFP very soon.

maddening · 17/05/2012 14:25

ps for us cbfm and sperm meets egg plan and a concoction of vitamins and remedies - but it was likely just all the sex and legs in the air haha

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:26

Lumpy :)

Evil giraffe - sorry about your dream :( But maybe it was a premonition!! YOu WILL have that toddler, damn it!

OP posts:
Allegrogirl · 17/05/2012 14:27

YANBU. My best mate sheepishly told me she was pregnant when she had only been married a few months it was almost immediate once they started ttc. It was hard to hold back the tears as we had already been ttc for several months at that stage and due to irregular periods had just been referred for infertility treatment.

We didn't need it in the end. Got pregnant on a wild trip to Africa and my dd came along only 5 months after my friend's.

DD2 came along first month of trying despite irregular periods. DH was most disappointed as he thought he might get some more action for a change. I did the legs in the air after the deed thing.

GinPalace · 17/05/2012 14:27

DH sending panicked 'are you ok??' emails now, interspersed with logical, manly, "no need to get upset' ones

made me laugh - your Dh sounds great. Grin

Overreactionoftheweek · 17/05/2012 14:28

Oh I remember that feeling well. I actually had to hang up on my sister when she called to tell me about her pregnancy and then said 'you'll be next' - I couldn't breathe I was crying so hard :(

I'd been trying for 18 months, she's five years younger and hers was an accident! But it turns out I was already pregnant and didn't even know it yet - there are 5 weeks between her daughter and my son.

I know it's the most irritating thing to hear when you're ttc, but the month I forgot about it and got my dates all wrong, was indeed the month I got pregnant. So enjoy your Wine and fingers crossed you're not waiting long for the bfp.

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:28

Right, so legs in the air seems to get most people's votes. That plus doggy-style. I think I may need to take up yoga just so I get bendy enough for all this... Knowing me and DH, one of us will put our backs out :)

OP posts:
whothehellisalice · 17/05/2012 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:31

Wow overreactionoftheweek - that's great to hear.

now how the hell can I try without trying too hard, that is the 64 000 dollar question!! Booze would help, I'm sure

Oh, my friend (the newly pg one) gave up coffee. Any takers? Worth a shot?

I won't give up my wine, though... (yet)

OP posts:
maddening · 17/05/2012 14:32

doggy style legs in the air sounds more like a wheel barrow race :-)

EasilyBored · 17/05/2012 14:35

YADNBU, TTC is rough. It's like every emotional nerve end is live and the most silly things make you feel like you're losing it. I think it's perfectly normal to have a big cauldren of feelings - I'm happy for my friend/I wish it was me/I feel guilty for feeling like this/life isn't fair etc. It's hard going. I think maybe it's because you are more aware of it, but when we were TCC, I swear there were pregnant women EVERYWHERE I LOOKED. It was as if I had never noticed before, but everywhere I went, there were giant bumps, or teeny tiny babies. I was green with envy, and then annoyed at myself all. the. time! So annoying!

Good luck with the baby making!

Ilovedaintynuts · 17/05/2012 14:36

We TTC for 3 years. Strangely enough the first 6 months was the hardest Confused.

I think we all assume hope that we will fall pregnant straight away and when we don't the lack of control over the situation is really confusing. Well it was for me.

The most painful thing ever was hearing pg announcements - absolutely gutting.

In fact I now have 3DC's, want no more children, but STILL get a pain in my chest and feel sick to my stomach when someone tells me they're pg. I have to remind myself it's OK now! But I felt so awful for so many years the feelings are still strong.

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:36

Thanks Whothehellisalice - I'll never turn down being told I'm a spring chicken!

Best mum I know (chilled and happy and fun) was 40 when she had her first, 42 with second. I've long used her as inspiration so I shoudn't let go of that now.

I guess I'm sort of kicking myself because I delayed starting ttc for years and years (cos I liked my life too much without kids) and even when we eventually realised we had a baby-shaped space in our lives, I STILL faffed for months because (I laugh at this now) I stupidly thought it might happen right away and I had too much work coming up over next few months!! Can hardly believe that now!!

Also DH and I have been together for best part of 20 years so I am regretful that I didn't just get going before. Plus, everyone starts to get kind of pissed off when they think you've been together for ages and you shoudl just damn well be pg now! Still amazed at some people's insensitivity. Colleague of DH's (nice man, but bull in china shop) quizzed me a few weeks ago about why on earth we hadn't had kids yet... What do you say to someone like that?!

OP posts:
maddening · 17/05/2012 14:37

my tips would be
royal jelly for you, pre-conception boys vits for him - plus loose pants and no laptop on the knee for him (heat kills your chaps little chaps)

start sexing at cd 9 and every other day until ov day when you do it 2 days in a row - basically lots of sex

enjoy it and try not to stress :-)

GinPalace · 17/05/2012 14:38

If it's any consolation at all... despite all your red-eye and tissue usage sadness - your thread has given me quite a few chuckles. Fanks for that. After the week I've had I needed it. Grin

EasilyBored · 17/05/2012 14:38

Oh god no, don't give up wine yet!

I know a couple of people that kind of stopped trying, by instead turning it into a relationship challenge (that sounds weird, I know). The basically challenged themselves to have sex (of some kind) every day for a month, so that they focussed more on each other and their relationship, and if the end result was a baby then so be it, if not, go back to 'trying'. (Although saying that, one person who did this was not trying, in a were-done-having-kids-way. That baby is 3 now)

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:39

EasilyBored - yes, I swear pg women are stalking me. And women with cute babies. And women with cute toddlers. Not women with annoying teenagers, though. Or badly-behaved monster 9-year-olds, Or SCREAMING babies. Wink Funnily enough the only ones stalking me are the ones with cute, look-like-they-sleep-through-the-night children. When you want something, the brain has a funny way of fixating on it, and only the good aspects of it, I think,

OP posts:
Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:41

Gin Palace - you know what, it is a consolation!! Glad to have been of service!

Hmmm, EasilyBored, you mean present it to DH as a SEX challenge this month... that could work, actually...

OP posts:
EasilyBored · 17/05/2012 14:42

^Yeah, those babies are liars. (fondly remembers sleep)

It's like when you're on a diet, and suddenly there is cake everywhere.

(wants cake very much)

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 14:43

EasilyBored, I haven't QUITE worked my way through entire bar of Green and Blacks yet... I'll virtually send you some to replace cake

OP posts:
spartafc · 17/05/2012 14:45

Don't beat yourself up with regrets, emeraldgirl1. TTC is a weird thing, it can make you feel like you're losing it.
4 months is nothing, really. I know you know that. Maybe this has knocked you because you thought it would be you making the announcement.
Throughout the 8 years DH and I were TTC I got well used to not being the one making the announcement, and it is shit.
You'll get there.
Even I did, eventually! Grin

ChippingIn · 17/05/2012 14:45

Don't be daft - give up coffee?? That's for the hard core 'been trying for at least a year' thoughts. Right now have the odd glass of wine and your DH at every opportunity :) Stick your legs in the air one time, lay on your stomach the next (unless you know what your inners are like Grin). Doggy style, legs wrapped around his neck, missionary, any other option... just have fun practising!! 4 months is nothing wee girl... all this thinking about it and stressing is almost guaranteed to have the sperm swimming in the other direction!!

Booze (but not too much for either of you) and not posting on conception type threads - stick to the other sections!

headfairy · 17/05/2012 14:46

OP, on 15th December 2006 I could have written your post. My friend emailed to say she was pg with dc3, I'd just come on. I held my tears in the entire way home from work, fighting them back for an hour. I got in the front door and collapsed. It was another hour before dh could work out what was wrong with me and I could finally tell him through sobs.

My pregnancy with ds was dated from that day (cd1) :)

headfairy · 17/05/2012 14:46

oops, posted too soon. It will happen...

(((((((hugs)))))))))