to be sitting here sobbing because best friend just called to say she's pg

[emeraldgirl1]

... on the very same day I have found out I'm not.

I'm genuinely so SO happy for her, she's amazing and she deserves this so much.

but the timing is awful from my pov. am just sitting here sobbing and feeling guilty and shit.

If it helps AT ALL (and it won't ) the first say 5-8 months were hardest for me because I still felt all the excitement and was convinced it would happen THIS MONTH THIS MONTH THIS MONTH

As time goes on you get LOADS more sanguine about it (and pardon the pun)

But good luck and I hope you don't have to get to the sanguine stage!

LumpyLatimer - you've hit the nail on the head, I think. A huge part of my upsetness is because I was foolishly getting all excited about it for the past 24 hours. It's a longer way to fall IYSWIM. Dogged grumpiness might lead to less crushing disappointment!

emerald, if it's any consolation, around 7 months ago I (aged 38) was weeping in the car on the way home from a lunch out with 5 friends, 4 of whom were all PG. I'd had a miscarriage a couple of months earlier (after 6 months of TTC) and was feeling very "Why them and not me?" about it all.

Got home and suddenly realised that it was the day my period was due. I had a First Response stick left and thought "What the hell, I can't feel any worse than I already do, let's give it a bash."

I am now 33 weeks pregnant...

Oh I've so been there. Everyone was getting pregnant around me, and we just weren't. I was coping relatively well with it, then my closest friend phoned to say she was pregnant too, and I remember blubbing to DH that I wanted one too!

Turns out I was pregnant at the time of that phone call, and although our babies were due at quite different times, what with one of us delivering early and one of us late, they turned out very close in age and it's been absolutely lovely. I'm so glad I didn't push her away then because we're our friendship is stronger than it's been for years.

Don't worry, TTCing makes you madly emotional. LIke farfalla says, you have a realisation that it's not going to happen instantly like it did for a terrifying number of my friends and then you get used to the idea of trying for a while.

Yeah, it's all very daft- but don't beat yourself up about it: why wouldn't you get all super excited about the prospect of getting up the spout! Just take your emotions as they come and don't feel bad about them - someone (ie: me) will soon tell you if you really do deserve a slap.

FWIW, here is what I ahve learned in more than 2 years' TTC - our anxiety comes from the fact we are used to having total charge of our reproductive health, and it's really hard to come to terms with the fact that once you start TTCing, there's not much you can do but fuck (please excuse my calling a spade a gardening implement).

I have spoken to very many women of lots of generations in the last couple of years and here's what I can tell you: a woman of 86 who took 6 years to conceive her son and a further 5 to conceive her daughter thought nothing of it. I said something like "gosh that must have been hard" and she looked at me like I was a nutjob. That generations just took things as they came . But we expect to control everything, and losing that is really hard.

Good luck old bean and let's hope you and I cross paths in the 'Please god help me stop being sick' thread before too long

Fishandjam, that's a LOVELY story, and inspiring!! Congrats!!

on that note, are first response better than Clear Blue? And are digital ones crap/not worth the money? Just to save myself more of this rollercoaster hopefully down the line!!

Ha, cross posts with Fish!

Lumpy - you too, everything crossed for you!!! You're spot on about the anxiety coming from needing to contorl our environment these days. FFS, we get angry if the internet takes too long to load, or if we lose a phone signal for 2 mins! And all those things are fixable by technology/phoning to shout at broadband provider etc. Ttc is all down to Mother Nature (or God, depending on your proclivities!!) and it's so alien to me to feel like there's something I can do NOTHING about - except, obviously, go at it like rabbits.

Peelingmyselfofftheceiling - congrats to you!
I love those kind of stories, they make me smile

You have nothing to feel guilty about - you are genuinely happy for her whilst upset for yourself. Perfectly acceptable & reasonable.

Frankly, you are getting yourself in a state about it far too early - but you know that already Just try to enjoy the process of getting pregnant and having unprotected sex for goodness sake! 35 - you're still only a wee girl, plenty of time to have babies!! Don't let the scaremongers worry you!! x

Har! ZACKLY, Emerald!

Aaaah, the number of times I've screamed up me flange-pipe "LOAD DAMN YOU SPERMS! LOAD! DH!!!! I THINK YOU'VE UPLOADED A VIRUS!!!"

Don't get me wrong: I have had my own meltdowns, and met some fucking bonkers women on the way, but I am attempting to be a bit more zen about it now. Good fucking job as I am about to become a great-aunt before I become a mother

I feel for you, I really do. I find on the last couple of days of my cycle and the first day or two of the next one, I have a massively-mood affecting hormone crash and it is just the worst time to get any pregnancy news. The rest of the month I cope relatively well. I met up with a PG friend for dinner this week and had a lovely evenings, happily chatting about her pregnancy and other things. The last time I was saw her with in the mood slump I mentioned and I found it difficult to even look at her. I was so annoyed with myself too, because it is a hard-won IVF pregnancy and I am really happy for her. I'm sure you will be able to feel better about it in a few days. For now, just let the tears flow.

You are where I was this time last year. I was 35 and on my 5th or 6th month of trying. I started investigations just as I was reaching 6 months of proper trying (having had a fairly cavalier attitude to contraception for a while yet). If you do get to 6 months, do get to the drs to get the ball rolling. Hopefully things will happen for you and you won't need any help, but it takes quite a while to grind through the system. We are trying IUI now and soon moving to IVF a year on.

I've found the conception forum on here very helpful and supportive. I have been there a while now and some of my fellow posters feel like old friends. I hope if you visit you do not need to stay for long!

YANBU AT ALL.

been there - it sucks. Fortunately i think everyone i know is pregnant now so no more announcements for a while. except hopefully mine!!!

Good luck TTC x

Just wanted to say I remember getting some news our friends were 3 months pregnant and I had, that very day had a negative preg test. I actually cried in front of them! Just totally lost control of my emotions. Felt totally mortified after of course, but they were great about it and so understanding (I was just honest with them in the end).

They had been trying for a year at the time and were just about to start some tests when they found out. We had only been trying for about 3 months at the time - and 2 months later I was pregnant. I now have a beautiful 10 month old DD, and as she also had a DD they are 5 months apart.

It was great fun having her a few months ahead - I learned everything about what to expect, and we were really supportive of each other. Don't feel bad about getting upset - let it out, then get back in the sack! You may end up being pregnant at the same time and that would be fab.

FWIW I also got pregnant once we had decided we weren't going to 'try so hard' and relaxed about the whole thing. I was gobsmacked when I found out as I wasn't expecting it at all!

ChippingIn - being called a 'wee girl' has made me a very very happy woman, I can tell you. Especially after a bitch of a woman at makeup counter yesterday kept peering snidely at me and querying in horror what products I used and was I sure they were working... this hasn't been a good week, come to think of it!!!
I do know that 35 isn't past it yet and that it's not been long - doesn't help that I keep getting mum phoning to announce YET ANOTHER of her friends' daughters is pregnant with first/second/third/forty-seventh baby... I don't want to tell mum we're trying so can't tell her to shut her pie-hole!

I once burst into tears on a train when my friend called me to say she was pg, and we wern't even TTC. YANBU.

Emerald you're getting lots of great messages I can hardly add to - however, I thought I would anyway as your story is so similar to mine.
My friend and I were both TTC except I had been trying for only few months (4 funnily enough) and she had been trying for over a year, we chatted about the whole thing, great to have a friend to support etc. few weeks later I get the big and tingly boobs, late period etc.

I start worrying about telling my friend - so unfair I should beat her to it when she's been trying longer. Cue a BFN for me and announcement from her shortly after she is pregnant - hooray - thrilled for her. I took a 'lucky rub' from the bump.

But gutted my symptoms were false alarm, had a wobbly moment - behind closed doors. I felt guilty for going wobbly over it as she deserved it more having been trying longer.

I got a BFP two months later and am now 18 weeks. Now I'm really chuffed she was first cos it would have been much harder for her the other way round. :)

another thing about ttc makes you realise how unlucky (or not :-)) someone is to get pg on a one night stand or similar - even if the egg is in the right place at the right time etc etc it's not guaranteed!

p.s I am also 36. :)

PMSL at 'carpet bombed the egg'!!! poshbird1 you have made me snort tea over keyboard.
The thing that's got me down this time too I think is that we DID use ov sticks this month, plus I did all kinds of very un-me-like mucus checking and I know for sure that we dtd on ovulation day/two days. Which is why I was so sure it MUST have worked this time!!
If I can be so bold poshbird, when you say 'carpet bombed'... do you know exactly how often they dtd at that point?

thanks Cakeinmyface, eurochick, whothehellisalice and blueberries :)

GinPalace - I love your name and your story, thank you

Friend in question lives abroad so may need to hop on plane to get 'lucky rub'!!

Oh, I know exactly how you feel - all you can do is have a good cry, hug DH, and then carry on and keep hoping.

You have to keep your chin up or it'll all become so horrendously overwhelming, not to mention v sad for your friend as well. A very dear friend of mine started TTC about 3-4 months ahead of DH and I - she's recently given birth to her DC2 while DH and I are facing decisions about whether or not to try IVF. I'm so happy for and yet also so extraordinarily jealous of her, and she feels so guilty and helpless - such a horrid situation. I'm going to see her in the next couple of days, hoping I'm not going to cry on DC2, who I've not met yet...

I wouldn't get your hopes up about time making it any easier to deal with though - I'm no longer surprised when AF arrives, but for the few days beforehand I'm always hopeful, despite having been trying for 2.5 years so far... Oh, and if you're in it for any length of time you soon stop buying first responses and the like - AF has to be late for it to be worth it, for me to spend the cash!

Hugs, anyway, it's a miserable situation to be in :( I had a jolly good cry this morning because I dreamed that I had a toddler - FFS that's not even REAL

Oh come on Emerald, you ain't never gonna get inspermulated if you say 'dtd' ;)