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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sitting here sobbing because best friend just called to say she's pg

118 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:11

... on the very same day I have found out I'm not.

I'm genuinely so SO happy for her, she's amazing and she deserves this so much.

but the timing is awful from my pov. am just sitting here sobbing and feeling guilty and shit.

OP posts:
Longtime · 17/05/2012 13:37

YANBU. My db's girlfriend got pregnant by accident not long after I had a miscarriage. They were dreading telling me and my db was so sweet, even apologising for the timing. Fortunately dd is just 7 months younger then their ds so it did happen for me and fingers crossed it will for you soon too ((hug)).

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:39

jumpingjack - 3 years - you're a hero. I do feel ridiculous whingeing on after only 4 months, more so than ever now you've put that in real perspective. Sorry, and sorry too for your hard road, everything crossed for a happy ending for you!!

OP posts:
ebbandflow · 17/05/2012 13:40

I think your reaction is a sign you need to chill out a bit more about, you will get pregnant when you least expect it. Smile

CaveMum · 17/05/2012 13:41

YAdefNBU. In in a similar position, both my best friend and I started ttc at the same time, 2 years ago, and we've both had problems - me PCOS and her unexplained infertility. She came to see me about a month ago and told me she was 13 weeks pregnant and had been holding off telling me in the hope I'd get pregnant too.
Bless her she cried when she told me as she was so worried about upsetting me, and yes I cried too, but with happiness for her.

If people are sensitive about announcements then I don't have too much of a problem - a few hours of feeling sorry for myself and a large amount of chocolate helps!

4 months is really not very long at all. A perfectly healthy couple can take up to a year to conceive, so please don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:41

ebbandflow - you are bang on. As I said, however, to DH when he suggested similar - 'don't you know me at ALL?" Wink

I know chilling out is the right thing. Just easier said than done some days. Today is one of them

OP posts:
AberdeenAgnes · 17/05/2012 13:42

Aw, ttc sucks. But on the plus side, you aren't pregnant and it's nearly the weekend so big glass of Wine tonight Grin

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:43

Thanks CaveMum. Good luck and fingers crossed for you!
A solution to this, I think, would be for some kins of law banning friends from ttc at the same time. Staggering it would take away the minefield of problems!!

OP posts:
maddening · 17/05/2012 13:44

and now you've got 10 days to think eggy thoughts and dh to wear the loosest pants around and then get bonking! Good luck and hope it is you next month !

jumpingjackhash · 17/05/2012 13:44

I wasn't trying to out-TTC you! Just suggest that 4 months isn't that long in the scheme of it all. No doubt well-meaning friends / family / websites etc. have told you the majority of couples (something like 80%) take a year or more to get pg.

Similarly, I know we're still far off what many couples end up having to go through to get there. The best way we've found to deal with it is just by getting on with it - make the best of every situation, aim high and keep everything crossed (except your legs, obvs!). [simle]

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:44

AberdeenAgnes - funnily enough, I had that very same thought a few hours ago...

OP posts:
jumpingjackhash · 17/05/2012 13:45

Grin at 'eggy thoughts'!

A diet with plenty of protein will also help!

maddening · 17/05/2012 13:46

ps it doesn't help that you find out you're not pg despite sterling efforts just when you're all bloody hormonal!

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:46

jumpingjack - don't worry sweetie, I know you weren't!! Appreciate the reality check, that's all.

Ranting/sobbing has made me feel better. Funny, that. Got Green and Black's white chocolate (family-size bar, ironically) here, too ;)

OP posts:
ebbandflow · 17/05/2012 13:46

my unscientific tip-is do some decorating of your house and bend your legs after doing the deed!

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:46

maddening - it really doesn't help, does it? Law should be passed about that too.

OP posts:
Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:47

is the bending-legs things really meant to help? Don't get me wrong, i'll try anything!

OP posts:
pud1 · 17/05/2012 13:48

I was in the same situation with a very close friend. We had both Ben trying for a long time and was able to talk to each other about it as we were going through the same thing. I had had 2 mc and she was trying for over a year with mo joy. When she told me she was pg I has just had my second mc, I was happy for her but when I got home I cried for hours. I felt guilty for being envious. I found out I was pg about5 months later. I have since told her how I felt. It is very natural to feel this way

ebbandflow · 17/05/2012 13:48

helps sperm swim to egg (again def not scientific)

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:51

pud1 thanks - actually that's another thing; this friend was the only one I felt comfortable moaning talking to about our respective bonkers-ness. Paranoia that we'd never get pg etc. We had a lovely session a few weeks ago when she came over where we just drank ourselves silly and confessed all our ttc nuttiness. I don't have anyone else I could do that with. Small issue I know. I honestly will get sane about this in a few hours.

OP posts:
jumpingjackhash · 17/05/2012 13:54

Glad you have chocolate emerald (they need an emoticon for that)!

We were told our chances of a natural conception were around 1%, so last night I'm sure I caught DH trying to work out how many shags we've had since that bit of news (always the mathematician)!

Will try decorating eddandflow - have been nagging DH to get the spare room done so maybe your unscientific study will kick-start some paint and roller action at least! Leg bending also on the list!

farfallarocks · 17/05/2012 13:55

If you have a retroverted uterus (one in three do) then doind the deed doggy style helps, as does lying on your stomach (legs in the air won't help you if your womb tips backwards)

Having said that I think the swimmers should be able to get there under their own steam really, you don;t want lazy sperm fertilising your egg now do you ?

thebody · 17/05/2012 13:56

So sorry your feeling like this and it's completely understandable.

Hang in there and before u know where you are it will be you announcing news, sure of it as feel it in me water!

Hugs

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:57

farfallarocks, I wonder if there's some kind of whistle I could blow, immediately after dtd, that would encourage lazy swimmers like a school gym teacher Wink

Dont think DH needs much encouragement to do it doggy style...

See how I make jokes already?!!

OP posts:
ebbandflow · 17/05/2012 13:58

I have a retroverted uterus, only found out that I had one when coil fitted after my dd was born, conceived straight away after bending my legs. I suppose a nurse could examine you now to check if you have one.

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 17/05/2012 13:58

Thank you thebody... Thanks everyone in fact. Isn't MN nice?

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