Knowing what i know, i get cross when people just take it for granted that because they have got a positive preg test that the next thing to worry about it the birth and the MS.

[tightwad]

It really grates on me when they get that BFP and then rattle on about stuff way in the future.

What about now, and mc? People presume that everything is going to go swimmingly and sometimes i scream in my head....everything can go wrong at any moment...this is not a given.

I am bitter, i have had reoccurring mc, so cant help the way i feel. Some of it is of course jealousy that i desperately wanted to worry about the birth and oh God, what if my ms is awful instead of "Oh God, when is the bleeding going to start?" and never checking due dates as i doubt i will get there.

Reading back..i conclude that IAMBU and very bitter indeed

((((((((Hugs))))))))

It sounds like you have had a lot of grief and worry with your reccurrent MC. It must be very hard when everyone is expecting you to be bouncing around with excitement and deep down you are feeling dread not joy because you dare not believe that it might be OK this time.

Have you had any support or counselling?

I'm really sorry tightwad, of course it hits a nerve. You're only human, and it seems you are already self-reflecting enough to understand why you feel the way you do. Don't beat yourself up. :)

Oh dear,sorry about your mc. However,I think people do worry but hope for the best & don't dwell on the possibility of a mc.
Did you speak to a counsellor for your losses?
I wish you luck for any future pregnancies

Thankyou SO much for not ripping me to bits, ive held my breath waitng for it...

On waiting list for councelling, last mc was 3 weeks ago, number 7.

Yanbu.

My obstetric history is appalling.

I am bitter too, and jealous.

Tightwad that is so hard for you. You must still be grieving for your loss. Be gentle with yourself.

I've had a mc, thankfully only the one. And I totally understand what you mean. But then I think that if you've never had a mc you think it'll never happen to you. Let them enjoy it. There (hopefully not) may come a time when they're not so lucky and their attitude will change. Ignorance is bliss after all.

And I'm sorry for your losses :(

Does it bother you too Methe?

because life is too short to worry about what could happen so people tend to think positively. Otherwise we would be miserable gits

I think you have every right to feel bitter and if venting on here helps then go ahead.

.

Also, I had a mc with my first pregnancy and it does colour your feelings. I've always tried to be positive but it was very hard with subsequent pgs.

YABU but understandably so.

It's lovely for the people who don't even need to worry about this stuff. Doesn't stop you wanting to punch them in the face though.

I understand op, due to a couple of reasons I did not enjoy (undrrstatement) being of with ds. I had a mc and then got of without an af inbetween.

I also ended up having an amnio, basically I feel the same as you about tge testing in pg, women have tgese tests without any consideration to what tge results could mean.

And gorgeous they are too Charlie, thanks x

mimimisschief i AM a miserable git and expect the rest of you all to be miserable with me too in my grief....now THATS unreasonable!

So sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be hard seeing people being so positive when you are feeling so nervous and worried.

I don't think they are meaning any harm by their attitude, I just think a lot of people have that naivety when they have never suffered a loss, the thought of it going wrong never really occurs to them.

I speak from having 5 mc's myself. I never fully let myself enjoy my pregnancies as i am always expecting something to go wrong, part of me wishes I could have some of that naivety back.

Sending big hugs!

I tune it out to be honest. Most of my friends are sensitive enough not to rattle on about their pregnancies to me. It does make me when people take pregnancies for granted and think that after 12 weeks they WILL be getting a baby. Most people have no understanding of how common Miscarriage/stillbirth/neonatal death are.

Don't beat yourself up about feeling bitter or jealous. It's entirely normal to feel like that given all you have been though. You cannot help your emotions. I hope you find the counselling helpful :)

I privately agree tightwad, and don't understand how people can start 'counting their chickens' only weeks or days into a pg. I have high risk pregnancies and my DS1 was born 3 months prematurely by EMCS after a horrendous pg (bled almost constantly to about 16 weeks with a few 'big' mc type bleeds thrown in for good measure). He spent 2 months in intensive care and SCBU. The whole thing was a nightmare but we were lucky that DS survived and is now well.

I am pg again and feared DS2 would come even earlier and not survive or be born with terrible complications relating to prematurity. I was in complete denial about the pg until about 23 weeks (viability) and then started to become very very anxious. I'm still not out of the woods yet and have been having counselling with Bliss (premature baby charity) since about 23 weeks. I'm 29 weeks on Saturday (already beat my personal best pg wise!) and starting to feel the fear lift a little as the days pass. I still don't believe I will make it to full term but I am starting to hope that I will have a healthy baby who will be able to come home with us within a short time.

Have you thought about counselling to help you with your fears? I was very skeptical but have found it immensely helpful.

I am very of women who get pg and 'pop' a baby out 9 months later with no complications. I would love to have a positive pg experience as I associate pg and childbirth so strongly with anxiety, fear, and pain.

I hope we both get to have a good experience in the future so we can feel differently about it.

un MN hugs

Its an issue for me too. I had three mc (including missed ones), then a tough pg and prem birth where ds wasn't well when born. When people tell me they are pg, I am filled with anxiety for them

Counselling? Counselling? You have had 7 miscarriages, something is not right. Have you been tested for immune issues?

I haven't had a MC but my sister did, and we were all devastated. YANBU, its a horrible thing to go through, so don't beat yourself up about being a little jaded

My obstectric history is also shite, if I don't mc I develope another pg related problem every time.

It does make me feel abit eek, whenever a pg is written about on fb 4 weeks in.

I feel a bit sad that I will never have a straight forward pg. I'm very lucky though. As I have 3 healthy ds dispite the many complications.

I think it's only human to feel jealous/ bitter when you are struggling xx

tightwad so sorry for your losses. Unmumsnetty hugs from me.

I haven't had to go through recurrent miscarriage but having had an ectopic pregnancy and taking 3 years to get pregnant again with both my DC I have had more than a few moments feeling bitter and envious about other people's attitudes to pregnancy. It's just shit isn't it. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

^what she said! Have you been referred for tests?

I am just being going through the testing process now after 4 early Mc, 1 late one and 2 prems.