Knowing what i know, i get cross when people just take it for granted that because they have got a positive preg test that the next thing to worry about it the birth and the MS.

[tightwad]

It really grates on me when they get that BFP and then rattle on about stuff way in the future.

What about now, and mc? People presume that everything is going to go swimmingly and sometimes i scream in my head....everything can go wrong at any moment...this is not a given.

I am bitter, i have had reoccurring mc, so cant help the way i feel. Some of it is of course jealousy that i desperately wanted to worry about the birth and oh God, what if my ms is awful instead of "Oh God, when is the bleeding going to start?" and never checking due dates as i doubt i will get there.

Im so sorry for all you're going through.

can i just say though that when i was pg with dd I was 20 and to be totally honest it never entered my mind about mc's. (yes i was that niave) I dont know why I didn't know they could happen.
I didn't tell anyone except dh and parents untill 12 weeks though.

I only found MN recently and discovered that Mc's do actually happen to ordinary healthy people and not to be so casual? and think about the future.

Im just writing this so you can see that not everyone is aware that something can go wrong, and peple do think that it cant happen to me..so to speak..
sorry for rattling on..

Sorry - I hadn't read that you'd already arranged counselling. I hope it helps you as it has me.

I'm really sorry for your loses,
Yanbu I worried through my pg all the time but never would have said how I felt out loud in case I tempted fate

I agree. I remember being furious when a friend announced she was 7 weeks pregnant. I wasn't furious with her. I was beside myself with rage that I would never feel her innocence and joy at being 7 weeks pregnant. Finding out I was pregnant didn't make me happy, it made me physically shake as I knew it was the start of months of fear.

I really hope it works out for you OP.

Nobody's going to flame you. How you feel is entirely understandable, if obviously coloured by your own very tough experiences.

I think most women in early pregnancy worry about mc and are quite circumspect about making future plans. But they also allow themselves moments of excitement, because there is hope there too.

I'm so sorry for your losses, and for the way they have corrupted your sense of hope and made it into something so hurtful :(

Take care of yourself xx

queenofsheeba yes, ive had every test known to man, been to reoccuring mc clinic and all tests normal, they discharged me after having 6th mc while having daily hormone injections, daily asprin and high dose folic acid under their supervision...and still miscarried. There is nothing they can do for us and cannot tell us why it happens.

Had surprise pregnancy and mc number 7 3 weeks ago.
Thats it for us, end of the line now.

But i get quite irrate when people anounce gleefully at 4/6 weeks and go on and on about stuff that just wont matter if everything goes tits up. I get annoyed at their presumptions that it will be ok. Im so headfucked at the moment.

tightwad, sorry to repeat myself, but are you sure you have been tested for Immunity issues? It's just that this is not a routine test in the UK.

You're allowed to be headfucked :(

YANBU. My first pg was a mc. It was a huge loss of innocence for me and meant that my subsequent pregnancies - DS, mc, ectopic and DD were all spent in a haze of anxiety.
I am sorry you have had so much loss. You're not headfucked - it is awful silent grief. A natural response to recurrent breavement.

I am really sorry to all of you who have had to suufer this :( it doesn't seem fair

Pob not, they told me i had had 22 different blood tests, they didnt specify what they were. NK cells too, dont think they tested for those.
Anyway, it makes no difference now as we are not trying again, mother nature dropping some huge fuck off hints isnt she...it isnt going to happen.

Each mc is worse than the one before, so i just cant go through it again, regardless of results. Im 42 this year. enough is enough.

BY eck, this is like therapy, im feeling a little less miserable now!

I'm so sorry tightwad.

I've been lucky but I know from friends it isn't a given at all.

I am always surprised when people announce it early.

I wish there was a single suggestion I could give but I can guess you have explored every avenue. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do xxx

Don't give up, tightwad. You've come this far. I am older than you and currently pg after lots and lots of fertility treatment. There is an answer out there for you.

In the meantime, rant away...

I know what you mean.
I was one of those people, until I had a miscarriage.
I'd had two children and fell pregnant again, assuming that everything would go perfectly like the first two times. I was talking about due dates, baby names, where baby would sleep etc.. then we arrived at the 12 week scan to be told that there was no heartbeat and it had stopped at 9 weeks. It was a bolt out of the blue. I didn't think it would happen to me.
Fortunately I got pregnant again not long afterwards and we did have a happy outcome to that (our gorgeous 6 month old daughter) but I spent the entire pregnancy worrying. And I told very few people I was pregnant. Many people found out from the birth announcement my daughter put up on Facebook! So yes, after having a miscarriage, it changes everything forever. I spent the pregnancy convinced that something would go wrong and I felt like that right to the end and it was only when I held her in my arms after giving birth that I finally accepted I wasn't going to lose another one.

TheQueenofsheeba the reoccuring mc clinic demolished any chink of hope we had.
They just lay the cards on the table and as much as said, forget about it, you will continue to mc, no doubt, they said they didnt know why i mc, but that it will continue.
They then told us that they were going to discharge us, but wished us luck.

They cheerfully told me that one of their ladies who had suffered 20 mcs had just given birth to a baby girl...so you never know!!!!!! wtf!

That was that.
This time, i spent 3 days in hospital off my head on drugs (painkillers) gas & air, morphine, tamadol, buscopan and still rolling around in agony, treated so badly that i just cant risk going through this again. No way.

Im tired and now my head is fucked which has never happened to me after previous mcs.
So glad that you are pregnant love, how many weeks have you managed to get to? Have you had lots of mcs and what answers have to found on your journey?

'Im always suprised when people announce early'

Me too
Having had a MC and a possible second one, I dont understand why people do this, is it because they really have no idea, especially when there is so much more information about these days?

I have had 2 friends in the last year who told early, one told at 7 weeks lost it at 11 weeks had started buying cots, clothes, nappies etc..
the other was telling at 5 weeks, thankfully she went full term and baby delivered safely..

What peanutbutter says is absolutely 100% true...mc changes you forever.

That is how i feel, a + pregnancy test to me means "here we go again".

No joy, no excitement, not happy anouncement. I have been robbed of that since i had my 1st + test result 12 years ago. I have never since felt anything close to that which normal women feel.

I feel your sadness and so sorry to read your post. Having been through 5 cycles of IVF and having no chance of conceiving naturally ever and knowing many women in same boat too, we all feel an incredible sense of hurt, frustration and distress at hearing women 'taking it all for granted', the comments people make are just beyond believe sometimes - I've had people say to me 'I know you had trouble conceiving - hadn't you best get on and have number 2'..

I have to say I do agree with TheQueenOfSheba, I do hope you have had / are having more tests..?

I hope the following comment doesn't offend in a sense of of course I know that, but incase you didn't - I know a woman who was in same situation as you having had numerous mc and she discovered she was deficient in Vitamin D - it's apparently very common and women doing ivf are also being advised to have this checked out. Also, (again, apologies if all this has been suggested or used before) progesterone can be prescribed. These 2 simple changes meant she finally carried a baby to term and now has a healthy 2 year old.

As other's say - rant away and don't consider yourself bitter or twisted at all - there are many, many women who also silently curse and fume at such women.

Happyjoyful, ive been on multivits with vit D and high dose folic acid almost continuously for 8 years, also had daily progesterone injections during one of my pregnancies and gues what!? Still mc, so i literally have tried everything.

So thats my sorry tale. Pathetic and hopeless.

YANBU
I guess people are in ignorant bliss and just want to share their good news.
Sometimes they are thoughtful though. My friend travelled 200 miles in her first (vomiting all day every day) trimester to tell me she was pregnant, because she wanted to be there with me when she told me. We cried together, joy for her, sadness for me (I had lost a baby two years previously). It meant so much to me that she was so thoughtful and caring, despite not having experienced the loss of a child herself.

I announced very early, no regrets, would do it again. I think I could have taken the strain of public knowledge of my m/c (or other pregnancy disaster). I keep a lot of things private but didn't feel the need to keep that so private. Not saying that as criticism of those who do keep it private, just saying that sharing things is a valid choice, too.

I identify with what OP is saying, nothing is much guaranteed until baby is born & safe in your arms at home. I always think of pregnancy as a journey with uncertain developments & destination.

I've had two successful pregnancies, one before a mc, and one after. Psychologically, they were completely different. First pregnancy I experienced with all the innocence and naivety of a first time mum. Third pregnancy was tainted with a huge amount of anxiety. It's not just about your own experience either. I think being an anti-statistic once makes you feel a lot more vulnerable to other things going wrong. Suddenly everyone around you, in real life, celebrities, the news and mumsnet, seems to have suffered some form of pregnancy trauma or loss, and it makes the whole business seem incredibly dangerous.

I have to say though, it does make the newborn stage seem easier. If my screwed up mind has convinced me that something terrible is going to happen and I won't get to take my baby home, then things like crying, sleepless nights and sore nipples don't bother me at all!

that's so true Cuppa! I kept making promises that if I could only get through the pregnancy with a good outcome, I'd happily take all the sleepless nights, screaming etc. with a pinch of salt because I'd just be grateful.
My miscarriage (and god knows one miscarriage was traumatic for me, so don't know how you cope having had so many) has also given me ZERO patience for people who have gender preference. Just be grateful with a living baby is what I want to scream at the ungrateful fuckers!

tightwad I wasn't sure from your post whether or not you had been tested for NK cells and other immune issues. It is pretty rare to find someone on the NHS who will test for these.

anewyear and others, I would announce early. Not to work or the bus driver but to friends and family. Because my friends have been a great support to me through my (ongoing) fertility treatment and if I did miscarry, I would want their support there too. My logic is - would I tell X if I miscarried? If the answer is yes, I would tell them I was pregnant early. Also, as they all currently hear about my monthly disappointments, I am sure they would all guess if I went quiet for several weeks, so not saying anything would be pointless.

Tightwad - I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through. No wonder you're ground down - I'm not sure I could take it tbh. You sound remarkably together for what you've endured.

Just one idea, I don't know if they've given you any indication at all as to why you're miscarrying (from your posts I'm guessing not) BUT if it's a cervical issue (ie cervical incompetence) you could maybe look at having an abdominal cerclage fitted. They're basically a bombproof stitch that is fitted high in your vagina which doesn't allow it to open. They're not very well known as not many surgeons can do them but because I've had a lot of my cervix removed due to cancer I found out that it may be a possibility for me.

My lovely consultant did say that women are not routinely offered an abdominal cerclage as they are so expensive so a good case for recurrent pg loss must be made by the pct - but it sounds to me that you definitely have that.

Anyway, this info may be of no use at all to you but just thought I'd mention it just in case. If you want to find out more, google Abby Loopers.