Knowing what i know, i get cross when people just take it for granted that because they have got a positive preg test that the next thing to worry about it the birth and the MS.

[tightwad]

It really grates on me when they get that BFP and then rattle on about stuff way in the future.

What about now, and mc? People presume that everything is going to go swimmingly and sometimes i scream in my head....everything can go wrong at any moment...this is not a given.

I am bitter, i have had reoccurring mc, so cant help the way i feel. Some of it is of course jealousy that i desperately wanted to worry about the birth and oh God, what if my ms is awful instead of "Oh God, when is the bleeding going to start?" and never checking due dates as i doubt i will get there.

I had a TAC, it didn't work. Not everything is foolproof.

I think first timers do consider that it might all go to plan; most people know someone who have had to "untell" people, or have someone close to them who has had a loss; I guess they consider it to themselvs, try not to think about it too much, and carry on regardless because it gets a bit boring saying "assuming everything is okay of course" in front of every pregnancy related thing. That's first timers. Anyone who has suffered a loss tends to be a lot more aware of how suddenly things can go wrong, of course.

I had trouble breastfeeding my first - was in SCBU and by the time we were reunited (I was in ICU) he would not latch. So when people say "I will definitely be breastfeeding" its tempting to say "yeah if all goes well" but there's no point. But I still think it! You never quite know what might be thrown your way.

They won't offer me a tac, next time I've got to have a macdonalds cerclage

Aparently i have a "lovely" cervix! I have no probelems with carrying, i have blighted ovum type mc.

Dont think i was tested for NK cells.
DH tested too...everything normal.
We have an 8 year old son, had 2 mcs before i had him, 5 since. So had hope that ive done it once, why cant i do it again????
Never told anyone till i was 12 weeks with my son. Was gibbering anxiety ridden wreck.

I'm so sorry for your losses OP. I don't usually get emotional reading things on here but your posts have moved me to tears.

My mum suffered 4 mcs and a still birth before she had me, and her mum went through something similar too. Because of this I never thought that my pregnancies would go smoothly and saw it in terms of milestones to get past- heartbeat at 6 weeks, risk of MC dimishing after 12 weeks, etc. I could only truly breathe and relax and let myself enjoy my pregnancy when i got to 24 weeks and I knew that if i went into Prem labour they would help my baby. And I was livid with dp when he told his workmates about I was PG with dd1 at 8 weeks because I thought he'd jinxed it.

I can't imagine how you feel, but I would change your situation for you in a heartbeat if i could

I am currently PG after 2 MCs and I understand how you feel. I am a gibbering wreck and I spend my time counting the days to 24 weeks. I refuse to cancel things I have booked that are not PG-suitable (e.g. scuba diving) until the last minute as I have little faith that things will work out this time.

But I do wish I could be as optimistic as those who do announce early. I would love to not have a single thought that it could all go horribly wrong. wistful sigh

I know exactly how you feel, Tightwad. I've had 5 miscarriages between my first and subsequent two kids; the later pregnancies were the most terrifying times of my life .

Bloody hell love. Be as unreasonable as you like. And I'm so sorry :(

I'm so sorry for your losses tightwad and all the other posters who have experienced this.

I've had 2 missed miscarriages and I also have 3 living DS's who have varying degrees of special needs so any "everything will be ok" feelings have long gone. DS2 used to lie there looking lifeless at every scan due to his undiagnosed at the time disabilities which didn't help the fear. I feel very envious of people who still have that innocence.

However my DH always wants to tell everyone early because he loves telling people and if the baby dies that is one more thing he has missed out on. I can understand why, nearly 7 years on I'm glad I have some happy memories of my first pregnancy. My friend has had a lot of miscarriages (about 7 I think) and she always posts on facebook as soon as she finds out because she knows she will probably miscarry again and she wants to embrace "being pregnant" for as long as she can. She always buys something little like socks or booties for the baby as well so when she miscarries she has something that was "theirs". With my 2nd miscarriage at 13 weeks hardly anyone knew I was pregnant. I was glad not to have to explain to people but at the same time I feel like I missed out on people congratulating me on my pregnancy which I could have had if I'd announced it early.

YANBU! I've had one missed miscarriage and the first thing I think when someone tells me they're pg is 'fingers crossed it'll be alright when they go for their scan' then I smile sweetly and congratulate them. I remember being stunned when looking at another website's birth board that people who were 6wks pregnant were already buying prams. I'm so jealous of their naivety and the assumption that'll it'll never happen to them. Bes

you are not pathetic or hopeless OP, not by any stretch whatsoever - you have been to hell and back 7 times over... I couldn't think of an example of someone less pathetic or hopeless clearly you keep on picking themselves up after mc after mc.

so you've tried vit d and progesterone. If you did wish to continue you would need to get NK killer cells looked at without a doubt, this is often an issue with many women who have numerous failed IVF cycles and once rectified it can be treated with iv drips. Also, isn't there something about a link to mc and thyroid issues.. ? another avenue were you to wish to explore further.

tightwad. i am sure i have 'spoken' to you on the metalling thread in conception.
I am not sure if this is ok for me to say but i have said it before;

if you haven't totally given up hope could you try seeing raj rai at st marys? a private consultation is £235 and he is really nice. I went to see him last week after my third mc and he was lovely and made me feel like everything will work out. i asked him what would happen when/if i am told it will never work out and he said anyone who says that is stupid (direct quote). he said half of his patients are over 40 and perhaps some of them never work out but he doesn't really see it - they do have babies. not sure if i totally believe him that everyone gets a baby but he was pretty confident.

you can see him on nhs as well but you will need a referral from a consultant.

maybe your 8 year old son is the one that worked out for you and thats your lot but maybe there is still hope. if it's worked once you would hope it could happen again.

i haven't got any children (yet) and the feeling of will it ever happen is overwhelming.

i am now awaiting an appointment at liverpool to get a hysteroscopy to see if there is anything wrong with the structure of my uterus. it's just one long waiting game and i hate it. all my blood tests have come back clear but raj rai did a TEG which you don't have at any other hospital. this might come back with a blood clotting problem - i am awaiting results.

in answer to your question YANBU in any way! i always panic if i know someone is going for a scan. i don't tell them though obvs! i found out about my second mc at the 20 week scan so i won't be able to relax ever, even after 24 weeks as my babies have died without me even realising so i can't think it will be ok as they are viable - i don't go into labour, just find a baby with no heartbeat at a scan.

forget to say:

raj rai also said my dh should be tested for blood clotting disorders. my nhs consultant had never mentioned this to me. he might have some new ideas for you.

YANBU - I haven't experienced MC but I was told when 16 weeks PG that I should terminate my baby. I didn't. I was told if PG continued and IF baby survived he wouldn't even live 1 month.................

He was born, had a VERY rocky start, spent at least half of each of the 1st 5 years of his life in hospital............it was awful.

Thankfully he is now doing really well, does have ongoing medical problemns and several disabilities, but he is gorgeous, funny, happy and ALIVE.

I never assumed I would even get PG ( I have severe endometriosis) but I also dodn't just assume that I would get PG and 9 mth later out would pop a healthy baby and thatwas right from the start.

I did however tell people early that I was PG. I did it BECAUSE I was aware of what can go wrong and I knew that if the worst happened then peope would know why I was in pieces........

I am so sorry for your losses OP ( and others). xxx

tightwad I have posted pretty much only happy thoughts about my current (incredibly unexpected) pregnancy. Doesn't mean I'm not utterly terrified, just that I'd prefer not to dwell on the alternatives.

Yab a bit u.

But I completely understand, having had 3 miscarriages in a row (and one very worrying successful pregnancy).

Oh and for the oldies, my baby was born when I was 43 and 9 months old.

I don't get cross, but I do get slightly anxious if anyone tells me they are pg before 14 weeks. It makes me want to touch wood or something.

I have a poor obstetric history myself, and I remember with my first pregnancy going out to celebrate a positive test (with DH, not with anyone else) without any thought of possible miscarriage. Until of course the miscarriage.

So I love the idea that my friends or colleagues or relatives are having that rush of uncomplicated joy, but part of me worries in case it gets complicated for them. And I hope it doesn't of course, but it does make me anxious.

YANBU OP, and I am very, very sorry for your losses. This kind of naïveté makes me cringe too and I only had 1 MMC, 7 years ago. .

For those still trying to overcome recurrent mc, I met a woman recently who'd had 10 first trimester miscarriages at 6-12 weeks gestation. They couldn't find anything wrong with her. She went to a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner and her 11 th pregnancy resulted in a lovely DS.

Oh you poor thing, i know exactly where you are coming from (in fact I recognise your story, where you on the MC thread in conception with a different name?)

I can't look at or read my antenatal birth club on here because people were buying prams on ebay at 6 weeks and worrying about childcare and I just kept on thinking statiscally a lot of you will lose the pregnancy. So I thought I should stay away from the thread with my negative attitude but have lurked and it is so sad seeing all the women MC on that thread. It is inevitable sadly.
I had the pregnancy innocence first time round, told everyone at about 5 weeks and then had to untell them , was awful and I cringe at how naive and arrogant I was that BFP meant a baby in 9 months.

I am envious of people who have such innocence about pregnancy, I wish I could relax as they do but I can't take anything for granted, even though I am 16 weeks now and have always lost babies before that, I keep on thinking, well someone has to be in the 1% don;t they?

There are still things that can be done for you I am sure, NK cellls, IVF with embryo screening, all depends if you have the energy. Another vote for St Mary's and Raj Rai here from me but they do specialise in clotting issues and frmo what I gather, are not that helpful if your problem is immune related.

No, YANBU - it's no wonder you feel the way you do, after everything you've been through.

I wish I had tha "early announcement naivety"too. I don't know what a normal pregnancy is, despite currently being pregnant for the 3rd time. My 1st pregnancy was blighted by PE & Hellp syndrome, we both nearly died. My 2nd was a miscarriage which turned out to be a molar pregnancy, thankfully avoided the chemo but it knocked me for 6.

Am hoping it's 3rd time lucky but I have huge amounts of denial going on & am not really talking much to anyone about it, as it doesn't even seem like a possibility that I'm actually going to have a healthy baby. It just feels unfathomable after what I've had - yet that's most people's experience. I feel so abnormal & cannot relate to a healthy, happy pregnancy.

Am getting a bit teary writing this, so am going to sign off, but am sending you big hugs & hoping you can find peace of mind xx

YANBU once you've experienced a mc you never stop worrying in subsequent pregnancies

I hope that in a little while you feel able to reconsider some of the suggestions on here. I have heard good things about Raj Rai & St Mary's before - as well as immune issues.

You have been through an awful lot and it's horribly unfair :(

It's understandable how you feel. I haven't had a MC myself, but there are other things I feel the same about (people taking things for granted which we have no guarantees about) and I do get angry sometimes and feel like saying something, but of course you can't and I just try to take some 'comfort'/'pleasure' from their happiness/pleasure/joy/abiltity to take it for granted and not worry about what can and does happen. I think it's the only thing you can try to do, to stop being bitter... but it's hard.

Think about Raj :)

I could have written peanbutter38's post. I had two ds's, both pregnancies with early contractions so complete bedrest from 27 and 24 weeks. Third pregnancy was a missed mc discovered at the 12 week scan. During the subsequent pregnancy (lovely dd), I was a nervous wreck convinced she'd either die at the beginning or come out too early and die at the end.

YANBU. I agree with JoanofNark:

"It's lovely for the people who don't even need to worry about this stuff. Doesn't stop you wanting to punch them in the face though." :)