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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD going on a date tonight but just bumped into his ex wife.

43 replies

AvocadoAndFitch · 17/05/2012 10:02

Ok I have a date tonight, old school friend/first boyfriend. Lost touch but since his divorce and my recent separation we bumped into each other and have been talking on FB.

I've only been separated 3 weeks but I've agreed to this date as more of a catch up and see what happens rather than a I want to date you date. But have been getting quite excited about it all.

Had a gym session early this morning with a PT. I don't normally go at that time but saggy bum and date meant it was the only time I could fit it in for today and have childcare. Also to give me a confidence boost.

After about 15 minutes of workout and chatting to PT about the date in walks in his ex wife. I knew her from school but weren't particularly friends. She came over and PT announces, oh she normally wouldn't be here but she has a hot date with an old flame so wink wink. Cue me completely red faced. She wishes me good luck with the date and have fun after.

I spent the rest of the session looking red faced, guilty and inadequate. She's far nicer/prettier/thinner than me.

I have to ring date at lunch to confirm I'm going. Should I now cancel? I can't rearrange due to childcare so its now or never.
WIBU to still go?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 17/05/2012 10:05

why would you cancel? they are divorced, you are separated...

Lovelynewboots · 17/05/2012 10:05

She sounds like trouble! But don't cancel YANBU

squeakytoy · 17/05/2012 10:05

how does the woman sound like trouble???

rhondajean · 17/05/2012 10:06

Why does she sound like trouble???

Don't let it put you off, like you say it's really just a catch up over dinner.

Oogaballoo · 17/05/2012 10:07

Don't let insecurity stop you from going on your date! They've divorced, it didn't work out, presumably they've both moved on- and now he's interested in you. Don't let this take the shine off it.

Icelollycraving · 17/05/2012 10:07

Awkward! She may be checking out your exchanges on Fb. Go,have fun but perhaps it's a bit soon for another relationship?

Lovelynewboots · 17/05/2012 10:07

Because she came into the gym that morning, knowing that the OP was going on a date with her ex. That to me does not sound like a coincidence unless they normally use the same gym at the same time. Maybe its just me

fedupofnamechanging · 17/05/2012 10:08

Don't cancel - you haven't done anything wrong. You are going on a date with a man who is divorced. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.

LentillyFart · 17/05/2012 10:09

So she wished the OP good luck etc and now she sounds like trouble? I'm sure there's reasoning behind that staggeringly stupid post - perhaps lovelynewboots would care to elucidate?

TroublesomeEx · 17/05/2012 10:09

Why on earth does the ex sound like trouble?!!

All she did was walk into a room and receive some information

Why would you cancel though? Of course you WBU to still go. Go and have fun. He doesn't think she's nice - they got divorced. And thinner isn't necessarily better.

Gunznroses · 17/05/2012 10:09

How does OP know, that ex wife knows "hot date" is with her ex husband ?

Babylon1 · 17/05/2012 10:09

Was their divorce amicable?? Maybe she was being genuine??

Don't cancel, like you said it's a catch up, not necessarily a date

squeakytoy · 17/05/2012 10:10

boots, the woman cant have known that OP was going to be at the gym

bumbleymummy · 17/05/2012 10:10

Lovely, I didn't read it that way. The PT was telling the ex that the OP had a hot date. Did you read it the other way?

OP, go! They broke up for a reason and even if nothing else comes of it it's always nice to reconnect with old friends and catch up :) have fun!

olgaga · 17/05/2012 10:11

You're not exactly likely to keep running into her are you?

If they are divorced, and you're not matey with her, why would she know or care that the "hot date" was with her ex anyway?

I'd go. As you said, it's not really a date date, just a catch-up.

If you feel really uncomfortable, you could always change the date to another time so there is no link to today's events - then you needn't worry about it at all!

Lovelynewboots · 17/05/2012 10:11

Think I have already said Lentillyfart.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/05/2012 10:13

lovely but the OP doesn't usually go to the gym at that time so how would the ex know she was there - I doubt she was stalking her.

Maybe the ex really doesn't care that you are going on a date with him. I know ex wives who are really good friends with the new wife - they have moved on from their relationship with the exH.

Even if she was being difficult, she doesn't have ownership rights over him, he can meet who he wants. She is his EX.

OP go and enjoy yourself, just relax and have fun catching up with an old friend. If it works out great and if its just a enjoyable evening and a confidence boost - still great.

Enjoy!

fluffyanimal · 17/05/2012 10:13

Nothing in the OP suggests the ex-wife knew the OP would be at the gym or that she knew she was going on a date with her ex.

eurochick · 17/05/2012 10:14

What the PT said was unfortunate, but I wouldn't cancel.

I don't understand how the ex wife is in any way trouble - she walked into the gym when the OP happened to be there and wished her luck on her date tonight!

LentillyFart · 17/05/2012 10:14

You may have already said something boots but actually all you put forward was another wild assumption. Where does the OP say that the ex wife knew she'd be at gym today. She didn't. So how could said ex have gone there on purpose?

CeliaFate · 17/05/2012 10:15

Unfortunate coincidence, I think.
Go on the date - there is no reason not to go. You can't live your life like that.

Lovelynewboots · 17/05/2012 10:16

bumblemummy, I did read it differently yes. She said that the ex had walked in after the conversation with the PT so I am guessing that the ex knew about the date already. And quite frankly Lentillyfart, there was no need to be quite so rude. I can't see how what I said was offensive in the slightest. Clearly I am mistaken.

2rebecca · 17/05/2012 10:21

I'd ditch the blabbermouth personal trainer. She's the trouble maker. I wouldn't want my social diary broadcast to the gym like that. Work out your own exercise regime.
The meeting sounds unfortunate but I don't understand why you would even contemplate cancelling your date because of it.
Avoid the gym at that time in future if you don't want to bump into his ex again.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/05/2012 10:25

Why would it be unreasonable to still go?

What's the worst that can happen because his ex saw you at the gym?

I understand a slight amount of headfuck, but I'm not understanding where the actual problem is.

Original poster

AvocadoAndFitch · 17/05/2012 10:26

My guilt comes from PT describing it as a hot date, old flame, wink wink. And her wishing me luck etc. Cringe.

Also old flame could raise suspicion with her, he's 28, married since 18. She always suspected he was cheating. I don't know but definitely not with me.

I think had she known it was her ex things wouldn't have been as pleasant. But to be honest I wouldn't want to wish my ex's date good luck even though I'm well shot of him. Just doesn't sit right.

She still holds out hope that they will get back together from what he has said.
Divorce involved alot of her refusing to sign things.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it and finding reasons not to go, even though I want to. But its starting to get more complicated that I thought it would be.

OP posts:

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