to think that I will still be a good Mum even if I know nothing about babies?

[Aworryingtrend]

Hormonal crying pregnant lady here so please be kind.

I am due in October with our very much planned and wanted first baby. Today a colleague brought in their 2 month old baby and as I was holding him a few people commented about how I didn't look 'natural' or like I knew what I was doing. I said in my defence that as we married quite young, none of our friends have babies, no babies in the family so I simply haven't held a young baby before.

Cue deafening silence then a choris of "OH MY GOD you've NEVER held a baby before! How will you cope! What will you do? How will you know what to do? Have you told your midwife?" Etc.

I am now horribly upset as I had (perhaps naively) thought that despite not knowing any babies, I would still be a good Mum? DH and I are ridiculously organised, we are doing bucketloads of research into prams/car seats/other baby paraphenalia and reading lots of books etc...but now I'm worried this isn't a substitute for real life experience?

Wow, you work with horrible people, OP.

I myself am a good enough mum, had had some contact with babies. My DH had had NO contact with babies AT ALL, and is and was a complete natural

I had never changed a nappy, held a baby for any length of time, fed a baby, breastfed a baby (obviously !) put up a pram, bathed a baby etc etc etc before I had mine. You just get on and do it, yes there are some learning curves (I still missed a bloody popper when doing up sleepsuits even on my third child!!!) all you can do is read books (taking a lot of it with a pinch of salt -what works for one baby won't necessarily work for another ) I found the rough guide to preganacy and the rough guide to babies particularly good - funny, not taking itself too seriously and full of practical advice. And come back on here at 2 in the morning when you can't baby to sleep and need some advice!

Haven't read the whole of this thread, AWorryingTrend, but pop along to the Due in October 2012 Part 4 thread in Pregnancy if you want some moral support, I am also due in Oct with my 1st and have found that thread a godsend!

I've never held/changed/bathed/fed a baby, but I can't imagine it's all that challenging to learn, and there'll be plenty of time to practice once your baby arrives. You'll be an expert in no time :)

I bet no one is fussing over whether your DH has enough experience with babies, is 'natural' with them etc!

Tbh I think most new parents don't fully know what they're doing when they have their first - even if you've been around other people's children, it doesn't prepare you for having a tiny newborn who is entirely your own responsibility.

Load of rubbish. I didn't have a clue and now I'm expecting DC2 and haven't looked back. Goodness knows what they think your midwife will be able to do about it.
You will be fine. Shrug it off as best you can and know that they are talking out of their arses.

What rot. I had held my nephews before. But I had never changed a nappy, except for my 3 year old nephew's once and I was so rubbish he sighed at me and potty trained shortly after. I had babysat once, for a baby who slept the whole time.

I'd never really been around kids. But I read a lot of stuff on the internet and I've managed not to damage my daughter too badly yet. I did drop her once.

Look, what I knew about babies pre dcs, you could write on the back of a postage stamp and still have room for the Book of Genesis.
My dcs are 4 and 11mo and they are still alive and healthy, and I haven't dropped them much.
Seriously, you will be fine!!!

Total crap - what insensitive idiots, though somewhat understandable as I think it's quite intimidating to be faced with the responsibility of looking after a helpless baby. I was the complete opposite with tons of "experience" and my husband had held a newborn maybe once or twice. He was totally stressed out in advance and I was totally relaxed. In practise, we both stressed, got some things right, lots of things wrong and everyone was fine.

Just remember that by Day 2 you will have held the child in your arms for circa 24 hrs minimum (assuming your family don't commandeer the child) and changed about 40 nappies (because you just change them every 5 mins until you realise that it's not really necessary that often!); so within 48 hrs you'll both be a dab hand at the basics and everything else is trial and error until you find out what works for your child. That's when it's handy to have some experience about. My MIL produced a technique for winding that I'd never seen before, but my husband invented his own (also v effective if somewhat robust). Me - I mostly consulted Mumsnet and other NCT mums on the iphone in the dead of night as I fed her. There's enough experience on this website to answer anything you might possibly come across.

Best of luck - you really will be fine.

I was like lacrooix, experienced, or so I thought, with other peoples babies, and DH had never changed a baby in his life. We had twins and both went through huge learning curves in literally double quick time!- I had to forget almost everything I though i should do, and DH had to learn everything from scatch.
But this is your own child, or in my case children, and you will find you have an instinctive bond with him or her.
Just remember 3 things to start with -1) if its a boy, point it down if you don't want a face full of pee, 2) if you are too enthusiatic, what went down WILL come back up, and finally,3) when it has gone down nappy "explosions" can and will happen!

You will be fabulous parents - we have all been there - and most of us are bragging it from one day to the next. Please remember - no-one really knows what they are doing - and just as you think you do, they get older and the issues change!

Blagging it - not bragging!

you will be cool - I had only held about 2 babies before having mine, it's so true you hold your own it's just natural. I visited a friend with her 6 weeks old last week and I have 2 DS of my own and I couldn't hold her baby!!! I was all wobbly and nervous, so I guess it's just my own I was OK with...

what horrible people!

I was just talking to my friend's Mum today about how you know nothing til you have your own baby... even if you think you do. She was a midwife and stll felt cluless when she had a baby.

you will learn on the job like everyone else and it will be great.

you'll be fine - I have two children and still feel completely awkward holding someone else's baby. some people are natural, some aren't - but with your own, everyone's a natural :)

I had no experience with babies at all, not since I was 6. When I had dc1, a couple of hours after she was born I actually pressed the buzzer by my bed to get a midwife to show me how to change a nappy. You learn fast. You won't be a bad mother, you will be the same as all first time mothers. And as a second time mum I still had my moments!! Experience is unneccessary in this job, just lots of love :) and you will do fine!

All of us are just making it up as we go along, being an experienced parent is just faking it better! You are going to do just fine x

I would never ever hold anyone else's baby.....ever.
Everyone laughed when I got pregnant, and laughed even more when they saw me (and dh) handling the baby. We tended to do things our way, and just trusted our instincts.

I always keep my mouth shut when the baby discussions are going on, because the things I did are always cited as root causes of social and behavioural delinquency. Still, who cares, eh? We got through it, and ds is a fairly well-adjusted 20-year-old now!