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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that I will still be a good Mum even if I know nothing about babies?

117 replies

Aworryingtrend · 16/05/2012 13:12

Hormonal crying pregnant lady here so please be kind.

I am due in October with our very much planned and wanted first baby. Today a colleague brought in their 2 month old baby and as I was holding him a few people commented about how I didn't look 'natural' or like I knew what I was doing. I said in my defence that as we married quite young, none of our friends have babies, no babies in the family so I simply haven't held a young baby before.

Cue deafening silence then a choris of "OH MY GOD you've NEVER held a baby before! How will you cope! What will you do? How will you know what to do? Have you told your midwife?" Etc.

I am now horribly upset as I had (perhaps naively) thought that despite not knowing any babies, I would still be a good Mum? DH and I are ridiculously organised, we are doing bucketloads of research into prams/car seats/other baby paraphenalia and reading lots of books etc...but now I'm worried this isn't a substitute for real life experience?

OP posts:

Havingaminutespeace · 16/05/2012 14:37

Not read all the replies, just the first page. Ignore them. I'd never held a baby before either, never mind know what to do with one, but I do just fine now!
(Two babies later and them being nearly 9 and 5.
Just because you don't rush over and coo at colleagues babies, or know how to hold them when you do, doesn't mean that you won't be able to cope when your own comes along!

Lambzig · 16/05/2012 14:37

What idiots, how are you supposed to look 'natural' in front of other people, holding someone else's baby? When I was pg, I actively avoided babies in the office to avoid just this type of judgement and comment.

Quite nice in the end as the first baby I ever held was my DD and I found it easy. You will be absolutely fine.

avoids saying that my second is due in Nov and slightly panicy that I wont know what to do if its a boy

wigglesrock · 16/05/2012 14:39

Ah sweetheart you'll be grand. I hadn't held babies before I had dd1, I was the first of my extended family and friends to have a baby and I was 31 .

NickECave · 16/05/2012 14:40

Before I had my first baby five years ago at the age of 33 I was utterly disinterested in them and had only ever held friends' children for a few minutes to be polite. My baby was born with a massive head (99th centile) on a tiny neck and I was terrified at first that her head might snap off if it flopped at all but you spend so much time holding your new baby that you become an expert in no time.

Ithinkitsjustme · 16/05/2012 14:42

You will be absolutely fine, just ignore the idiots. Holding your baby will be the most natural thing you've ever done. Putting on a nappy isn't exactly rocket science. And there's always mn for any questions you might come up

dimdommilpot · 16/05/2012 14:45

I had never held a baby before having DD 18months ago. I had no desire to. Ive managed perfectly fine. Your colleagues sound like dicks! Ignore them.

LenLovesSue · 16/05/2012 14:45

I've only read the OP.

My partner had NEVER, EVER held a baby (of any age) before our DD was born. He flicked through the Rough Guide To Babies while I was pg.

I had EMCS so he had to change her first nappy, dress her etc. by himself. He was absolutely fine and is a brilliant parent, always been fabulous at soothing/changing/playing etc. Don't worry, you will learn as you go along and your instincts will help you. Enjoy!

LenLovesSue · 16/05/2012 14:46

ps he was 35 as well! Shameful :)

NotSureICanCarryOn · 16/05/2012 14:50

Just to add to the chorus.

You WILL be fine! I can promise you, a lot of things will come very naturally to you.
And holding YOUR baby is completely different than holding SOMEONE ELSE's baby. I am still worried about other people's babies even though I've had some myself!

GoPoldark · 16/05/2012 14:52

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

I can't believe you didn't just BURST out laughing and say 'Well erm, as soon as you actually HAVE one, you tend to get quite used to it quite quickly, as did you know - wait for it - you spend all your time with them???

Crazy. Just crazy. Do they think that there are Particular Things you need to know? There aren't. Do they think you should Read The Manual? There isn't one. Take A Theory and Practical Test? Err....

Your colleagues sound like little drama queenies

Original poster

Aworryingtrend · 16/05/2012 15:10

Your colleages are either not very nice, or loons.

About 50/50 really! Thank you so much everyone, I have loved hearing your stories and I do know I will be completely fine and this baby will be loved beyond belief! They just made me have a wobble, silly people.

GoPoldark When they asked if I had told my midwife my response was "so she can do what exactly? Lend me someone else's baby for a week so I can practise?!"

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 16/05/2012 15:11

My experience of babies prior to DSs birth was exactly one baby, about 6 months old, being shoved into my arms by his mum when I mentioned I was prgenant. "Oh you'll need some practice then" - shoving squirming wriggling creature into my arms. Not the faintest bit like holding a newborn!

Don't worry, and don't let them get to you. You'll pick it up as you go along - just remmeber they are bobble-heads and keep their head supported. Provide food to one end and keep the other as clean as practical.

The rest just comes with practice.

Picklepoff · 16/05/2012 15:14

I haven't read all of the responses but just wanted to echo what many have said. I had only held one baby before my DD but then as s

Picklepoff · 16/05/2012 15:17

Sorry posted too soon- as soon as she was plonked on me I had no choice whatsoever and suddenly I was an expert. She's now 16 months and i recently held a week old baby. I was so out of practice and couldn't pass her back without fear that I'd drop her or not support her neck. I was terrified in the same way I was before DD. basically I'm rambling but it's totally different with your own. You'll be fine- and congratulations

ReallyTired · 16/05/2012 15:22

You will be fine. Most first time mums have little experience of baby care and somehow all these precious first borns survive.

If you have any questions there is always mumsnet (dark shudder netmums or babycentre)

Babies are surprisingly resilent, just think of some spectularly thick people who have managed to reproduce and keep their kids alive.

TiddlesTheNaughtyTortoise · 16/05/2012 15:34

You'll be a great mum!

I didn't have much to do with babies either before I had my own. But you learn. And in some ways it can be better if you aren't constantly measuring yourself by what others do.

Dp had never held a baby before we had dd1 and now he's a fantastic dad.

Those people were rude and wrong. Just ignore them, the stooopid arses!

Congratulations btw - October is a great month to have a baby

rebelwithoutababy · 16/05/2012 15:34

Stupid people! You will be fabulous: the very fact that this has upset you is testament to how much you care, and all that matters for babies is that they are loved. I thought I had read everything I could and was all set up and ready for my LO (arrived in October) but nothing prepares you, and you will, as everyone upthread has said, learn as you go along. All babies are different and you will learn how to be the best mum in the world to yours. Plus, you have worked out that MN has the answers to any questions you can't work out! I wish you lots of luck, but it sounds like your baby has a lovely set of parents waiting for them xxx

thebody · 16/05/2012 16:17

Silly silly cows and absolute nonsence.

NOONE knows anything about your baby EXCEPT YOU.

You will be fine babe, just fine.

DressDownFriday · 16/05/2012 16:27

Ignore them all.

I knew absolutely nothing when I had dd1. I was even shocked at how long you have to push for during labour - I hadn't read up on that bit.

I refused to change the first nappy with all that black stuff in. For a complete novice, that was too much of a challenge for me and the nurse took over.

We managed fine.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 16/05/2012 16:42

folkgirl yes it was. It took a while for my brain to process it.
But then I just handed him to oh and let him work it out

Calabria · 16/05/2012 16:51

I'd held my sister's babies before but was well out of practice when I had my own 16 years later!

Also I'd avoided changing any nappies all my life. One midwife in hospital was rather snotty when I asked for help doing the first one. She couldn't believe a woman of 42 didn't know how. :( But she was generally snotty about everything. The rest of the team were lovely.

Your colleagues sound like that midwife!

WheresMyCow · 16/05/2012 17:00

YADNBU, you will be fine, and they are a bunch of morons!!

I'd only ever held a couple of babies and had never changed a nappy before DS was born. It's just natural with your own...I'm still crap at holding other peoples babies even though I spent so long holding my own.

Lovelynewboots · 16/05/2012 17:02

Pandemoniaa makes a very good point (. Make sure you always point it downwards if you have a boy when you put his nappy on. Other than that you can't go wrong! I am also from the make it up as you go along club with three and am still making it up now.

KitCat26 · 16/05/2012 17:11

You will be fine!!

The midwife will pass your baby to you or put baby on your tummy and from that moment on you will be doing a great job parenting your child. You will both have a steep learning curve but its on the job training only I'm afraid and you will be absolutely fine - I was and had absolutely no prior experience.

Your colleagues were thoughtless idiots to make those comments.

Booboostoo · 16/05/2012 17:32

I had my DD 12 months ago when I was 38 years old and had never had any experience with babies/children whatsoever, and despite all that it all worked out all right! Your colleagues are morons, ignore them! When your baby arrives you will know what to do and it will all fall into place.

Yes the very first diaper I changed took 10 minutes to do and DP had to help, but so what???! You pick up the little practical things really fast and then you develop your own ideas about what does and does not work for you.

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