to be pissed off with my DH about this?

[NotAChild]

my DH earns around £150k p.a. I am on mat leave, but when I'm not I work part time, bringing in a whopping £14k.

As I no longer have a salary, my DH gives me an 'allowance' of £200pm to spend on whatever I like. We have a joint account which I use for food shopping, DCs needs etc, anything outside of normal expenditure I must use my 'allowance' for, i.e. Clothes, make up, nights out (ha ha). DH spends what he wants, when he wants. He is not a big spender but can easily spend three figures on a night out. He says he would discuss a big purchase with me, but never wants to make one so it's not relevant.

I don't resent the amount, but I do resent the fact I have an 'allowance' as I am 27, not 12. AIBU?

Had I not read all the thread, I'd probably have started with something insensitive along the lines of "and this is all you have to worry about?". But there's far more wrong with your marriage than this allowance, isn't there?

Clearly your husband has control issues and I suspect you are not helping things by "sobbing your heart out" although I don't mean this to sound harsh. You need to stand up to him and point out that his attitude is patronising and unrealistic in this day and age. If he's already unpleasant at weekends, you might as well add a few home truths to what sound like difficult and unfair conversations.

He needs to realise that it isn't necessarily the money, as such, more how he wishes to keep you in your place. With the amount coming in each month it would be perfectly reasonable to agree, in principle, how much you both plan to draw from the joint account for personal expenditure and, if necessary, agree a sum above which you won't go without discussing it with each other. This has to work both ways though. Or you could do what dappleton suggests and start treating your money as an income, not an allowance. Allowances are what parents give children.

OP, your updates make it clear that you and your husband have more problems than just money/your 'allowance'.

I hope the two of you can sit down and talk things through together.

But I have to say I'm AMAZED at some people on this thread who seem to imply that, as the non-earning partner, you should just accept being 'given' an 'allowance'. (Not you, squeakytoy, as you retracted your earlier comments - I always admire posters who do that! )

You'd get a better deal if you started charging for the childcare that you're putting in and housework.

I think it might be advisable for you to start a new thread in relationships with all the information that has come out over the course of this thread, OP. I'm worried about your husband's behaviour and what this could mean for you. You'll get a lot of help and support in Relationships. I'm just so :( for you and your children. It's no way for you to live.

YANBterriblyU - I can see why you're uncomfortable. The way I and DH work it (always have done) is that each month we retain £x for personal use - wine, song, gadgets, clothing, whatever (no women). The rest goes into joint accounts. For ages I earned more than he; after DC1 was born I went part time so now earn less.

If your allowance is to cover clothes, nights out etc it does seem a bit low for a family income of 164K. Of course it depends on the size of your mortgage etc. Ask him to up it to 500 pm and simply save up what you don't spend. He should have trust in you being responsible about personal spending, just as you trust him not to blow three figures on drinks every few nights.

I´m allowed to spend whatever I want on myself from the joint account-as long as I leave enough for bills, of course!

I thought that was just how it was done.

I don´t really get the need to have as much as the spouse or a certain % tbh.

If my husband treats himself, I don´t feel the need to then spend the same amount on myself.

Some months I spend nothing on myself-I just spend what I want when I need/want to.

Leave the bastard. You'll get far more than that in maintenance

I agree with some others, this allowance thing is just a tip of the iceberg. He seems very controlling and you don't sound like you are happy in this relationship.