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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report neighbour for destroying graves in her back garden?

51 replies

PrunellaDeVille · 15/05/2012 13:04

so a neighbour lives in a house she originally built on her own back garden which used to be a graveyard - i would assume the original planning permission would make provision for the graves to be treated with respect but i cann't find the original planning statements anywhere online.

So i heard from another neighbour, who doesn't want to get involved, that she has had diggers in to destroy the stones and lay the lot to lawn.

If the stones had been moved to the boundary it wouldn't be so bad but this action seems so callous.

This woman always gets involved with other people's building/civic issues so AIBU to put in a complaint to the planning dept - they can only accept a complaint if i give my name and i don't want to start a local dispute Hmm

OP posts:
wheremommagone · 15/05/2012 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 15/05/2012 13:13

I think it probably depends how old the graves are. If they are ancient then there may not be any restrictions - if more recent them I think you need permission to move headstones.

2rebecca · 15/05/2012 13:14

If none of the graves are connected to you I'd keep out of it. If the people died centuries ago and no-one comes to tend the graves then I don't see what difference it makes if the skeletons have turf on top or a headstone.

tyler80 · 15/05/2012 13:16

YABU to put in a complaint on the assumption that the planning permission has a condition regarding the graves.

Find out if a condition exists before complaining.

OnTheBottomWithWomansWeekly · 15/05/2012 13:17

Is there a local historical society you could contact, they might be able to help? Does the local WI do any historical lectures or presentations?

littleducks · 15/05/2012 13:22

Use a psuedonym?

Sausagedog27 · 15/05/2012 13:36

Ring the planning department- they will have copies of the original consents with any attached conditions. I think there are also other laws about this as well. You can complain and do usually have to give your details but you can ask the council not to disclose who complained.

Good luck!

RabidAnchovy · 15/05/2012 13:37

Mind your own and let her get on with it

Frontpaw · 15/05/2012 13:39

I am assuming the graves would have been moved? Spooky.

typicalvirgo · 15/05/2012 13:44

it cost a fortune to cant remember the correct term clear graves and the council should be shit hot about it. Or at least they were in my experience.

(We were looking at an old chapel that needed converting an the cost of sorting the graveyard was phenomenal. )

If she is definitely doing this and I mean definitely, (not some hearsay) then she will be in serious trouble.

MissFaversham · 15/05/2012 13:44

So i heard from another neighbour, who doesn't want to get involved, that she has had diggers in to destroy the stones and lay the lot to lawn

OP you're going on hearsay from another neighour, you also said that this woman get's involved with other peoples building issues, so could the tell tale neighbour have a gripe that she's trying to fire you into action about but doing nothing herself (as in handing you the bullets and you loading the gun). I'd mind my own business if I were you.

porcamiseria · 15/05/2012 13:48

why do you care? really?

Salmotrutta · 15/05/2012 13:53

Isn't there a 100 year rule, or something, about disturbing graves?

But that may be different to moving stones and laying turf.

I do agree about being careful of sticking your head above the parapet though on someone else's say so - that person will no doubt melt away like snow off a wall when it all kicks off.

nickelhasababy · 15/05/2012 13:55

i think the rule is 300 years.
I know we've got graves in our church that the stones were removed to make new graves.

I'll check and report back.

Original poster
PrunellaDeVille · 15/05/2012 13:56

tbh i care on two fronts:

  1. i love graveyards both from an aesthetic and historical point of view and fell their destruction ought to be avoided as often as possible.
  1. the other issue is probably more inflammatory - i want to see her get some comeuppance for years of being a difficult and abusive neighbour to myself and others around her who tend to calmly take it and just gripe about her behind her back. in all honesty anyone else and i wouldn't consider getting involved Blush
OP posts:
rainydaysarebad · 15/05/2012 13:57

Has this neighbour not seen The Poltergeist? Post the DVD's of the film through her/his letterbox - they'll get the hint.

hiddenhome · 15/05/2012 13:58

Can you report her anonymously or just make up a name. I'd be angry about this as well. She should be sticking to the rules. We're all subject to them after all.

MissFaversham · 15/05/2012 14:00

In that case OP go for it BUT do your research carefully first and don't just rely on hearsay or you could end up with egg on your face. Also wouldn't she know what was allowed/disallowed being the way you say she is?

Debs75 · 15/05/2012 14:00

the year rule can be a really long time, we have graves in our churchyard dating back to 1700's and a couple of vaults even older.

I can understand the aesthetic and historical point and am with you there. It shouldn't be one individual who decides to rip up headstones but a parish decision. But on point 2 YABU

Jins · 15/05/2012 14:01

Can't imagine planning would be interested in this unless there's a condition. I wouldn't have had a clue who to pass you over to either

NarkedPuffin · 15/05/2012 14:01

I see your point, but the woman sounds like a whole heap of trouble. I don't think I would risk attracting her ire.

I'd go with RainyDaysAreBad's suggestion Grin

Teaandcakeplease · 15/05/2012 14:02

My Dad has taken great pleasure in doing his family tree and visiting old graveyards to find graves of ancient relatives. It seems such a shame to have destroyed the stones to me Sad

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 15/05/2012 14:04

i want to see her get some comeuppance for years of being a difficult and abusive neighbour to myself and others around her who tend to calmly take it and just gripe about her behind her back. in all honesty anyone else and i wouldn't consider getting involved

Well in that case OP, YANBU. She's got it coming Grin

nickelhasababy · 15/05/2012 14:04

salmo was right 100 years

Salmotrutta · 15/05/2012 14:04

Well, we're all human OP and I'm sure many of us have felt a sneaking sense of righteousness at someone else getting their come-uppance ... if we're honest about it.

Tread carefully though or the brown stuff may hit the air conditioning if she is "difficult".

But I love old graveyards too - they are part of our history and brilliant for genealogy research.

Mind you - if it's part of her land/garden I don't suppose people have access do they?

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