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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a fake reach is just common courtesy?

79 replies

GeorgeCostanza · 14/05/2012 19:56

Namechange appropriate to the subject.

As one of the single male posters on this marvellous forum, I would appreciate the female perspective...

I met a girl on a dating site and after exchanging a few ridiculously shallow e-mails she asked me if i wanted to meet up. She lives about 40 minutes away and had no car, so I drove to her town. We met up, had a coffee, then went to a pub (I wasn't drinking as driving, she was, but I bought the drinks anyway) and we then went to a certain ubiquitous faux upmarket pizza restaurant for a meal. The lack of spark on either side was obvious, but nourishment was necessary considering the arduous drive back, so why not?

After stuffing our faces and having some further scintillating small talk, the time came for the bill. The immaculately dressed waiter plonked it on the table, and I got out my wallet. I put the card down, and she just looked, grinned and said 'Thanks'.

Now, being the man I am I would probably have batted away her advances to go dutch anyway. And it was hardly 'Dinner at Hestons' and wasn't going to leave me destitute, but considering we both knew this wasn't going to end up with his n her's gravestones, was it unreasonable to expect at least a fake reach for her purse?

After all, isn't it part of the game to knock back her offer with a gallant 'Don't be silly?'

Thoughts much appreciated!

OP posts:
RightBuggerforit · 14/05/2012 20:59

I wouldn't think anything of it at all tbh, is it that big a deal? You got your wallet out first so she said thank you. So she's polite, no pretence, and you had a nice dinner and a chat - sounds like winning to me!

I think yabu, and you sound a bit stingy, or at least like you feel really put upon for normal things that you did voluntarily. Like driving 40 minutes - it's not that far! Or if it feels that far to you, don't go. If you go, don't moan about going. Same with the bill, don't pay it all, or pay but don't moan. Stingy was probably harsh, but you do sound whingy, it's not an attractive quality!

Original poster
GeorgeCostanza · 14/05/2012 20:59

I read that one earlier ODQ. Thrusting at a cash machine - so that's where I've been going wrong!

OP posts:
Scrubber · 14/05/2012 20:59

YANBU, she should have offered to go dutch. She's a freeloading bint and you're well shot of her!

Love your username btw.

Glittertwins · 14/05/2012 21:01

She was rude, I would have split happily.

ErikNorseman · 14/05/2012 21:06

Agree with carabos! First date = pay halves you tight cahs!

Original poster
GeorgeCostanza · 14/05/2012 21:08

Oh I'm a whinger alright rightbuggerforit. Though I quite enjoyed the 40 minute drive to be honest - I got to listen to Steve Wright in the afternoon, who was almost certainly stoned in the studio.

As for me sounding like a stingy git - you have me bang to rights. Served me well mind. Own my own car and everything - certainly ain't no scrub.

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 14/05/2012 21:10

YANBU and furthermore, YWNBU to have been put off by this even if there had been a spark. I really object to women who think men should always pay for everything just because they're Men. It's not the 1950s, for Jeff's sake!

Original poster
GeorgeCostanza · 14/05/2012 21:10

Thanks btw puffins - not sure I should head over there now without another namechange considering rightbuggerforit has outed me for a stingy whingy.

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 14/05/2012 21:16

YABU for saying not nice things about Steve Wright. He is my hero.

Original poster
GeorgeCostanza · 14/05/2012 21:18

Mine too bumpingfuglies. Being stoned in the studio (maybe) only served to increase the esteem I hold the man in.

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 14/05/2012 21:27

George we are already fighting over you await you on the dating thread. Please do join us, no name change necessary.

Hurry up!

BumpingFuglies · 14/05/2012 21:28

You is a scrub George an u know it Grin

Puffinsaresmall · 14/05/2012 21:29

don't go near that Hate though, she's a bit of a go-er Grin Grin

Actually can I have you? I have a DP but he's been a bit lax in his duties of late and I can always find room for another...

TimeForMeAndDD · 14/05/2012 21:31

puffin you are very norty! Grin

I bet you aren't wearing your high neck either, are you??

BumpingFuglies · 14/05/2012 21:32

Shock Shameless

Kleptronic · 14/05/2012 21:44

There's a dating area? Why don't I know this?

OP, she should have gone halves. You shouldn't be calling her a girl, unless she's pre-menarche, in which case, run and hide.

Actually no, fuckit, right back on again. How Very Dare You!

OnlineDatingQueen · 14/05/2012 21:47

George it could be your lucky night! :o

Original poster
GeorgeCostanza · 14/05/2012 21:56

Kleptronic - sincere apologies. I wasn't aware that I was breaching any feminist rules in my use of the word 'girl'. Thanks for teaching me some new terminology though - I'd never heard of pre-menarche before. For a second there I thought it was something to do with the Queen.

OP posts:
NovackNGood · 14/05/2012 21:57

George just go on Badoo. No one on there expects more than a coffee or a quick drink as an ice breaker.

OhTheConfusion · 14/05/2012 21:57

Firstly, YANBU George! I tried online dating pre-DH and it was horrid :(

First and only online date: Dinner and drinks... after about 30min he announced I seemed lovely but he wasn't fussed for tax dodging students or children. I was a mother of two in the 2nd year of my degree Hmm. I put my share of the bill on the table and left.

OhTheConfusion · 14/05/2012 21:58

P.s, DH paid for our first date after much squabbeling from me. I paid for the second by doing it when he nipped to the loo Wink

AKissIsNotAContract · 14/05/2012 22:00

I thought this thread was going to be about faking orgasms.

Kleptronic · 14/05/2012 22:00

I accept your apology George, you're not the first and won't be the last, I once had to upbraid the Guardian over it. Must remain ever vigilant...or possibly get out more. For green ink supplies.

BoffinMum · 14/05/2012 22:01

I always used to split bills, but was a bit unsuccessful on the dating front, then someone advised me to stop doing that and see what happened. I tried it and the quality of blokes wanting to spend time with me rocketed. I ended up marrying one, and he's a feminist too - it's a very equal relationship, but not stressy about money. It shouldn't have worked, but it did ...