to think this use of baby changing facility was unreasonable?

[SugarBatty]

On saturday I went shopping to m&s. We went to the cafe and my ds pooed so I went to change him. The door to the baby changing was locked. After 5 mins another lady joined the queue. Another 5 mins passed ds was starting to cry. I began to wonder if the room was empty or the lock was broken so I tried the handle it was locked. The lady behind said she had used it before and there were 2 beds in there. After a few more mins she said she would come back later as her dc was only wet. I decided to knock on the door.

A girl opened the door and peaked round, I asked could I come in and change my baby. She let me in and locked the door and said "my friend is breastfeeding" round the corner were the changing beds and a girl sat feeding her baby.

Anyway I changed ds and left and the girl again locked the door after me. There was now two others girls queuing to change their babies!

I understand some people want privacy to feed their baby but blocking a whole baby changing room seemed a bit unreasonable. I also thought the chair was placed very near to the changing bed and can't have been pleasant for feeding your baby anyway! They were both very pleasant to me, the friend offered to stand and watch ds whilst I washed my hands.

sorry OP i assumed your son was a child out of nappies who had had an accident, hence my last post talking about cleaning up accidents. but still my point stands. you were not BU to expecet to use the chaging room to clean him.

No-one has said that bakingaddict. I would have locked the door in case a father came in, but I usually opened the door if I heard women outside waiting to change their babies.

The OP knocked and the door was opened and she was able to change her baby.

What's the problem? You also seem to be completely unable to accept that some mothers, for a multitude of reasons, may not be able to feed in public. In fact you seem to imply that if they cannot feed in public they shouldn't have chosen to breastfeed at all: "What's wrong with feeding in a cafe, park, department store anywhere really if you've chosen to breastfeed and why should one parents hangup affect other parents"

We've already covered what's wrong with feeding in a public place. Are you reading the posts or are you just going to go around like a broken record?

sugar yabvu now IMO as you could have found somewhere else to change your baby. She was there first,it was a dual purpose room. Had a lock on the door should the person in there wish to use it. I don't care wether her baby was newborn or 4 years old. She was using facilities appropriately. Why was your child needing a nappy change more important than her child needing to be nursed?

Because if your baby is very wriggly changing in a toilet is exceedingly difficult and even strapped on a baby changing table my DD still manages to get herself free about 10 times before her bum is cleaned and the nappy goes on.

I dont mind women breastfeeding in changing rooms per se but if feeding in a changing facility leave the room unlocked and consider other people, put your embrassment to one side if your worried a father might happen to walk in to change his baby because generally parents are only interested in getting their baby changed and not by the sight of a breastfeeding mother. Like most things in life consideration is a two way street

So if my dp had taken ds to be changed it would have different? The state ds nappy had been in the last thing he would have been doing is noticing someone breastfeeding!

Fgs OP room was occupied. You either wait or go elsewhere. So rude.

She carried on feeding whilst I changed my ds. Therefore I assumed she didn't mind the room being used for changing and feeding so locking the door was unreasonable as it meant I had to wait unnecessarily! Like you said its a dual purpose room. I had no problem with her bf at all but locking the door is unnecessary as it stops people coming in who need to change their babies.

there was a lock and a chair there, presumably to be used.

This is such a non-problem.

well, next time just knock the door sooner. i wouldn't have waited 10 minutes before doing so.

Very true booyhoo.

What Bakingaddict said.

I have gone through the initial mortification of bfeeding in public with a super fast let down which once saw me spurt milk 3 feet across the floor of a local cafe (DH measured). I understand that some people don't feel entirely comfortable with feeding in front of people. A baby change/ feeding room however is not a public place in the same sense as a cafe or whatever. It's a room dedicated to feeding and changing. Any man coming in with a baby is by definition going to be focused solely on that baby. They're not going to be looking at the woman breastfeeding in the corner (especially if, as in this case, she was out of sight of the changing tables). The woman who locked the door was being entirely unreasonable and selfish in allowing her own prudishness to inconvenience others. It's a bit precious frankly.

And I have absolutely no problem with being called a girl in my thirties. I find the whole taking offense at the use of that term to be a bit nineties to be honest.

Oh and If she wanted total privacy a changing room cubicle would have done the job

Yanbu. It seems to me there were changing mats for 2 babies and a chair to breastfeed 1 baby...so three people could use the room at once - at the very least two - so she was being unreasonable to make it difficult for the nappy changers to also use the room by giving the impression that the room was full and as if it were her room to decide who else could use it. I was a terrible breastfeeder with nipple shields flying everywhere - nothing discreet about that at all! But even so I wouldn't have closed off a baby changing and feeding room to myself. I don't think we should mind if a father did come to change a nappy but even if she did feel worried about that she could have asked her friend to wait outside in case and ask any father coming in to please give her a minute - which I am sure most dads wouldn't mind.

I don't think there should be a lock on the door. That's like locking the main door to the ladies loos

LaMeuf you go girl!

I call women girls or ladies if there older and if I'm talking about a man I usually say lad or guy. I'd never even considered it could be offensive to anyone...is it?!

our local m&s has the baby change and feeding in the same room -'is this not the case for your store? There is no toilet just a spot to change the nappy and a seat for feeding.

she was not unreasonable to lock the door as she was fine to open it when someone knocked - it enabled a certain amount of privacy.

and it isn't a toilet area really.

"Oh and If she wanted total privacy a changing room cubicle would have done the job"

oh FGS! so then we would have thread whingeing about a woman using the changing room inappropraietly when there were people queuing to use it and saying "there are dedicated feeding rooms, she should have gone there!"

this woman was in a feeding room. this is an appropraiet place to feed a baby. the only thing she was UR about was locking the door. but again i ask, why are there locks on the door if no-one is supposed to lock it?

yes, its infantilising, patronising and rude. I am not a girl, I am long past puberty, I am a woman.

If you want to portray yourself as immature or child-like, thats up to you. Most of us prefer to be grown ups.

Most, not all!

ok, so you're only annoying most women. Good for you.

Maybe she felt really insecure, I was 19 when DS was born and I was so insecure about bf in public that I'd sometimes lock myself in a cubicle to feed if we were out and there was nowhere private to bf.

Or most girls, depends how you look at it!

If she used a changing room cubicle then (assuming that as is normally the case there were a number of them) then each woman in a queue might have to wait a couple iffy minutes longer to try on their tasteful Per Una maxi skirt or Autograph Weekend Collection Breton top. I don' think anyone would complain or indeed even notice.

By locking the feeding and changing facilities she deprived everyone else of the chance to feed and change their babies for, potentially, alf an hour or more depending on how long it took her baby to feed.

There's no comparison.

Couple of minutes, not iffy minutes. I am in fact breastfeeding as I type this, appropriately enough.

hhhmm not sure if YABU or not really. I'm inclined to think YANBU as the changing and feeding room is intended for both purposes, so her locking her self in to feed is not on when other people might need to use the changing tables.
And if it was a toddler rather than a new baby I'd have thought she was an expert in BFing and BFing in public by now. Although I do get that some people find it uncomfortable at feeding a toddler in public. I was at a party at the weekend and I felt uncomfortable in feeding my 21 month old in front of everybody (I shocked myself by feeling like this, I usually feed anywhere and everywhere, I think it was cos I was with my NCT mates who were all desparate to stop BFing when their LOs turned 6 months so worried about what they would think - I know it was silly of me though), so I took her to the toilet to feed, but DD was insistent that she wasn't feeding in there and directed me back to a chair in the party hall!! and I did feed her there thinking why on earth should I feel emabressed at feeding my child?!

I would be annoyed to find a changing room locked because someone was too prudish to BF in public. I would have understood a new mother with a young baby, who might have leaky boobs, latching issues, distractable baby, lack of confidence etc etc, but I think it would be unreasonable to lock a changing room to feed a toddler, because I think in the case of a nearly 2yr old, only prudishness on the part of the mother is what is standing in the way of her feeding in public, and she shoudln't be inconviniencing those that need their babies bums changed because of her issues.