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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this use of baby changing facility was unreasonable?

143 replies

SugarBatty · 14/05/2012 10:36

On saturday I went shopping to m&s. We went to the cafe and my ds pooed so I went to change him. The door to the baby changing was locked. After 5 mins another lady joined the queue. Another 5 mins passed ds was starting to cry. I began to wonder if the room was empty or the lock was broken so I tried the handle it was locked. The lady behind said she had used it before and there were 2 beds in there. After a few more mins she said she would come back later as her dc was only wet. I decided to knock on the door.

A girl opened the door and peaked round, I asked could I come in and change my baby. She let me in and locked the door and said "my friend is breastfeeding" round the corner were the changing beds and a girl sat feeding her baby.

Anyway I changed ds and left and the girl again locked the door after me. There was now two others girls queuing to change their babies!

I understand some people want privacy to feed their baby but blocking a whole baby changing room seemed a bit unreasonable. I also thought the chair was placed very near to the changing bed and can't have been pleasant for feeding your baby anyway! They were both very pleasant to me, the friend offered to stand and watch ds whilst I washed my hands.

OP posts:

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 10:55

IAmBooyhoo - absolutely. Some people think that because they breastfeed in public without any problems that everyone should. Well luckily everyone is different with different experiences, different hang-ups etc. Private feeding rooms should be provided and if they aren't, well don't get arsey when a new mum is trying to feed her baby discreetly and in private.

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 10:55

bakingaddict · 14/05/2012 10:59

I dont get the whole your being unreasonable to the women/girl in a changing room when she was inappropriately using a changing facility. So it's okay to let parents wait with soiled babies because this mother is a bit self conscious breastfeeding. If you generally feel like that then why not take expressed breastmilk or formula when out and about with your baby or go and sit in a cafe which is a bit more hygienic than amongst lots of poopy nappies

Original poster

SugarBatty · 14/05/2012 11:00

I think the door locking was the problem. The chair was round a corner and she had her friend as a loookout so nobody could have barged in and seen anything she didn't want them to see.

If the door hadn't been locked I wouldn't have had to wait ten minutes to use a changing table nobody else was using!

Shops should definitely have separate areas though.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 11:01

baking - taking ebm is not usually an option with a tiny baby. Also why should the baby have ebm? Some women do not feel up to feeding in cafes.
OP did you really mean that the 'baby' was a toddler? I do find that odd.

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 11:03

"If you generally feel like that then why not take expressed breastmilk or formula when out and about with your baby "

firstly they weren't inappropriately using it, there was a chair to facilitate breastfeeding and taht was what it was being used for. they shouldn't have locked the door though (although why are there locks on the doors?)

secondly, bring a bottle of formula for a breastfed baby? why? breastfed babies drink breastmilk. it would be a waste of monely and formula to bring a drink the baby doesn't take. odd comment. and also, some babies dont take bottles of EBM. they just dont.

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 11:04

Yeah, why not just take expressed or formula eh? Have you forgotten what it's like to be a first time mum?

I haven't.

My milk spurted everywhere, she was bad at latching on. I had endless problems. Expressing wasn't an option and it's certainly not an answer to everyday situations. So what was I meant to do? I felt very self conscious feeding in public. None of my family breastfed, I was the first one. In fact my mother thought it was disgusting. So I was also battling these negative thoughts. I just wanted to sit somewhere quietly and feed.

Not everyone is confident and there should be separate changing and feeding rooms.

It's not an inappropriate use if there is no separate feeding room. She was probably directed to use the changing rooms where a chair was provided for feeding mums. So get off your high horse and start having a little compassion, because I was that first time mum once, very scared, very tearful and very easily embarrassed.

Original poster

SugarBatty · 14/05/2012 11:05

well it was old enough to jump down off her knee and walk over to its pram. So yes probably a toddler but I call toddlers babies in the same way I call 'women' girls!
Everybodys forever young in my eyes!

OP posts:

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 11:07

no-one said in the cafe. There are toilets, aren't there, thats where most people deal with shit.

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 11:08

and a lot of women find being called "girls" both offensive and annoying. Its not cute.

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 11:08

In that case she probably did have some negative responses to feeding a toddler still. There are some horrible people out there who think that feeding a baby past the age of 6 months is obscene.

She no doubt didn't want to have to put up with the stares and comments (and I got a few tuts from old people once I did have the guts to breastfeed my second in public)

fuzzypicklehead · 14/05/2012 11:08

"It was an unreasonable use. Changing rooms are not feeding rooms-they are for changing nappies. I'd have been well pissed off"

Really? It seems a bit extreme to be pissed off about it. Different stores have different policies on where it's best to feed, but very few offer dedicated feeding rooms. Feeding in the cafe would probably be frowned upon if not stopping to purchase, and feeding in the toilet is icky. Once, I asked to feed 3mo DD in a changing room, and was re-directed to the baby change room. I think it's a perfectly good alternative to sitting next to a mannequin and offering up your norks in the middle of the swim suit section...

I probably wouldn't have locked the door, though. Maybe it was unintentional, and she just automatically locked it behind her as you would in a public toilet.

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 11:10

toilet cubicles are usually too narrow IME to be able to have space to change a baby. especially a wriggly one. anyway, there are changing tables provided so OP was not being UR at all to want to use it. i think you are being argumentative for the sake of it al.

bakingaddict · 14/05/2012 11:11

So it's okay to leave other babies in discomfort with soiled nappies by feeding in and locking a baby changing facility because the mother just feels a bit embrassed breastfeeding in public. Is there no consideration for other parents when using something that isn't it really designed for.
What's wrong with feeding in a cafe, park, department store anywhere really if you've chosen to breastfeed and why should one parents hangup affect other parents, the embrassment of breastfeeding in public shouldn't trump the need to change soiled babies imo

CallMeAl · 14/05/2012 11:13

Nope, I'm saying why would you queue for ages for a changing room getting all pissy about people using it, when its much easier to change a child somewhere else. I never bother with changing rooms, no need.
Still, if you want to make life hard for yourself, go ahead.

Original poster

SugarBatty · 14/05/2012 11:14

I don't think her need to breastfeed in private is more important than anyone elses need to change their babies nappy.

OP posts:

CaptainHetty · 14/05/2012 11:15

I wouldn't be pissed off about it but I find it odd that she locked the door but let people in when they knocked

I'm sure (been a while since I had to use it) that the baby change in our local shopping centre has a little seating section kind of cornered off from the changing mats where you can feed without feeling you're out in the open.

MamaMaiasaura · 14/05/2012 11:17

YABU - I've had to lock myself in a m&s change room (there was 2 change rooms so I knew that the other could be used by someone else). Dd is 6 months and when I feed her she can get easily distracted and then distressed. For example in John Lewis there is a huge change room with feeding rooms attached. Open plan. Also a toddler loo. Parents come and go with their dc. Often the parents are quite loud playing peek a boo etc and children running around. It's is not quiet and calm and frankly impossible to nurse dd there at this stage. I know it's a stage but if my dd needs nursing somewhere quiet and a room had been provided for this, with a lock on the door. Then I'll use it.

Original poster

SugarBatty · 14/05/2012 11:17

It was sat afternoon in m&s the queue for the ladies was ridiculous and why should I struggle to change my 4 month old wriggly ds who needed stripping off and changing in a toilet cubicle when there was a room with two changing beds that were not being used?

OP posts:

coppertop · 14/05/2012 11:18

Maybe the woman thought that as the door had a lock on it then it was okay for her to lock it?

MamaMaiasaura · 14/05/2012 11:19

captain she let you in after you were aware has was nursing, yes? So one would hope that knowing she was nursing that you would be fairy quick, and quiet. Of door was unlocked and she's nursing and baby is then distracted/upset by random people (often loud) coming and going. Sorry but YABU

IAmBooyhoo · 14/05/2012 11:20

"So it's okay to leave other babies in discomfort with soiled nappies by feeding in and locking a baby changing facility because the mother just feels a bit embrassed breastfeeding in public. Is there no consideration for other parents when using something that isn't it really designed for."

who said she was right to lock the door? no one so far has said she was right to lock it. but if there was a chair there and no other dedicated feeding room then yes the room was designed for feeding babies.

"What's wrong with feeding in a cafe, park, department store anywhere really if you've chosen to breastfeed "

people have already posted reasons as to why she didn't feed elsewhere.

"Nope, I'm saying why would you queue for ages for a changing room getting all pissy about people using it, when its much easier to change a child somewhere else. I never bother with changing rooms, no need.
Still, if you want to make life hard for yourself, go ahead."

well i dont change nappies anymore and i dont know what OP's circumstances were but wnating to use a dedicated changing room for changing an accident in trousers and pants isn't UR in my book. if she was in M&S then i would imagine the changing room was the only appropriate place to strip her son down and get him washed. the cafe is not a suitable place for that.

"I don't think her need to breastfeed in private is more important than anyone elses need to change their babies nappy."

who said it was?

MamaMaiasaura · 14/05/2012 11:20

sugar no more important, but she was there first, so either find somewhere else or wait.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/05/2012 11:21

It was fine for her to use the room for feeding, as long as she didn't object to you using the room to change a nappy I at the same time.

I'm 32, I am only just coming to terms with being a woman and not a girl, so I'll stick with girl for as long as possible thanks.

Original poster

SugarBatty · 14/05/2012 11:23

But there was no need for me to wait, she wasn't using the cganging beds and they let me in to use them anyway so she can't have been bothered about me using them whilst she was feeding.

OP posts:

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