To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

I didn't say that EVERYONE who works have to, but a lot of people who work do HAVE to, noone HAS to drink in their gardens in the evening, noone HAS to go out for a child free meal

monkeymama- that is what i have been trying to put across.

Of course you don't have to monkeymoma but being a martyr to your children is never a good idea - for you or for them

compairing the garden drinking isn't helping your arguement for me in the slightest BTW
I know people have loud BBQs where they all get too pissed to be any good in an emergency (or to even notice one) while their kids sleep back in the house - I am no more likely to do that than to leave my child in a hotel room so that I can drink in the bar with my DH

so that comparison doesn't add to your arguement/defence at all, yes it IS similar, but no I don't agree with getting pissed in a garden while children sleep 3 floors away inside either, so what's your point?

DowagersHump I'm hearing more martyrdom from the pro camp actually, since they work SOOO hard for their kids the rest of the year that if they don't go for a meal on their annual holiday it'll be the straw that breaks the camels back

I have hobbies, I go out, I spend quality time with DH, I completed a degree as a mum, bollocks to saying I am a martyr mum just because I can think of 10 other ways to do so instead of 1 (hotel room+ monitor)

of course you need to live your life and work on relationships with people other than your DCs, but you don't need to leave them alone in a hotel room to do that!

well bizarelly the layout of my house means taht when i sit by the patio doors in the garden, by my dining rm i am actually NEARER to my children than when i sit in my sitting room in the evening, so does that mean that i should sit int he dining rm or the garden every evening, as technically i dont HAVE to sit in the sitting rm, there are chairs in the dining rm and the pc that i am sat at right now.

and no one is talking about getting pissed, i dont get pissed i have one or two drinks, i cant actually remember the last time i got drunk.

well lucky you were in a position to sell up and move, many people are not and also many people asses the risk and are able to rationalise it.

5madthings i wasn't lucky. We bought the house whilst pregnant with ds and regretted it instantly. As soon as my maternal instincts kicked in, I knew it was not family friendly. It took blood, sweat and tears to get it done up and sold and ds was three by then. In those three years luck played no part, I modified my behaviour to ensure ds's safety, and the garden drinkies were a no go. I am one of the many people who asses risk and I rationalised that it was unsafe, or at least felt unsafe to me leaving him three floors up with me in the garden. Others may well rationalise that it's perfectly safe and that's their look out but my feelings on garden drinks and hotel rooms are perfectly congruent. They are risks I won't take.

and that was your choice, equally i make mine.

and yes you were still a bit lucky some people simply wouldnt be able to sell, they may be in negative equity, they may not have a secure job or they may not be able to afford it at all, despite trying to save and working blood sweat and tears, it simply isnt an option for all people.

and as i said when i am in my dining rm i am closer to my children than in my sitting rm, but oddly enough i like to have a lounge on the sofa in the evening and watch tv, i dont NEED to do those things but i do. we all take risks and i know i keep coming back to it but plenty of us get in cars for non essential jourenys all the time and that seems to be an ok risk to take and we dont judge people for that.

No I think you are missing the point I was trying to make. It is irrelevant whether I managed to sell or not. The important thing is, when I deemed it unsafe I didn't sit in the garden at night. A.N.Other could make the same decision, there is no pressing need to sit in the garden if you feel it's unsafe and want to relax.

no there isnt and there is no pressing need for me to sit in my living room either but i do it, there are LOTS Of things we do when there is no pressing need thats the WHOLE point!! you did what you felt was safe and thats fine i do what i think is safe in my circumstances, i dont call you precious or judge you but plenty of posters have thought it fine to judge me and call me neglectful and uncaring and given that my dp works with children in care and deals with REAL neglect on a day in day out basis i find it rather offensive to be accused of neglect.

I do take your point about life being full of risks 5madthings. Motorway trips to ikea to faff about, not a life requirement but I do it. I make sure ds is strapped in a car seat and drive safely but everything has risks. I just can't see the logic in choosing to add to those risks.

I still don't believe anyone can justify a monitor in a wedding as being as safe as being with their kids. Short of staring at it all night, there will be periods when you will not see the flashing lights and noise will drown out sounds from it.

I don't judge you 5madthings. I also don't believe sitting in your living room is atall similar to sitting drinking in a garden three floors down from your child. A normal two up two down is totally different. And if you are sat downstairs you will hear bumps and coughs whereas I could hear nothing with a floor between that. The monitor was great but it still took longer to race up the two flights of stairs, one of which was spiral and rickety.

I am happy to err more on the side of caution. Some are happy to take a few risks as i see it. As long as we have full confidence in our parenting, that's all that we can do as it's us who have to live with any consequences.

who said "neglect" exactly?, maybe SOMEONE did and I missed it, but I don't think calling something unsafe or even irresponsible = cries of neglect, that's a bit of a jump

I know a SMALL amt pulled the "shouldn't have kids" line but they are not representative of all the no camp
and for every one of the above there has been an equal amt of name calling from the other side, and assumptions that all the nos on this point are helicopter smothering martyr mums in all other aspects of parenting whose kids will run screaming for freedom the second they're old enough to legally divorce their parents!

Anothet point to add - can u honestly admit you that you can constantly see & hear the monitor at all times (at a wedding reception) wouldn't the music be far to loud and wouldn't the disco lights take your mind of the actual monitior 'lights'?

About the third storey house issue- sitting in the garden getting drunk whilst LO are on third floor is just as irresponsible as the hotel situation.
My mother had a 3 storey but she never left us in our bedrooms on top floor and went on a drunken night in the garden.
I think people should take a step back and see this for what it is- an unessesary risk which does not need to be taken!
I cannot see why some people are comparing this to all these other things like driving and babysitters its an entirely different kettle of fish.

I know it was totally different and they weren't in the same building but do you all realise you are effictively doing the same as what kate & gerry did and they wished they had never done it- it should serve as a warning to you all.

I mentioned 'neglect' as that is what i see it as personally, but us on the other side are being called 'smothering marytrs' so there is name calling on both sides of the argument.
I dont believe a very small (i mean xtra) tiny b&b is quite the same as a hotel but i personally would not risk it

we only have one flight of stairs and when in a hotel we have been on the same floor, closer than if we are at home.

and thankyou for not judging thats all i ask, but plenty of hear have and have said things like you dont deserve to have children etc and there have been many veiled and not so veiled references to neglect and not caring for my children etc.

i havent called people hysterical nor have i made the assumption that others are helicopter parents.

if you dont want to take that risk that is fine, i choose the risks i am happy to take and have explained my reasoning.

and monkey people have said its neglectful, maybe you missed it, its a long thread, so easily done :)

and actually saying something is unsafe is a bit like saying its neglectful as most parents would try not to do unsafe things with their children on the whole but ultimately we cant do that all the time we dont live ina bubble, its just that some people judge some things to be more risky than others. i would say constantly using a car is more risky than many things that i do, but i dont judge people that use cars all the time.

Why do you keep bringing the Mccanns into this? If you know what happened to her then please inform the Met police, if not then its unhelpful.

there's loads of background humming in a lot of hotel rooms, the lights on my monior would pick that up, unless I turned down the sensitivity, in which case it would only pick up full on screaming

oh stop it with the McCann references, they left her in an unlocked, unsecure apartment, with open windows and with no ability to listen in. Not remotely the same as a locked hotel room

We have done it a couple of times (once before mcCann and once after at a 'family' hotel). First time round was fine and the hotel was pretty quiet. Second time round at the posh family hotel, we walked past the reception desk to find no-one manning the monitors, we sat at the bar for a while and there was literally no-one listening in at all to the rooms. We complained to the manager who then ended up sitting there himself. Went back to the room without eating in the end as we felt uneasy.

So firstly check there actually is a listening service! If you are satisfied there is and it is sufficient then go ahead. Or if it is a spacious sort of hotel, get little one asleep but in the buggy till she is really zonked and take her down with you, after all if your were abroad in Spain that is where she would be x

What hiveofbees said.

sherbetpips - is what you have posted about them true?

I don't get the car thing either, of course unnecessary car trips are adding risk

just because people are doing other unecessarily risky things doesn't mean the OP scenario is any safer! I don't get it!, when I see the posts saying "people drive for short unneccessary trips", or "people sit out in the gardens of their 3 story houses", I don't think, "Hmm suppose that makes the hotel room thing okay", I just think "yeah! and that's adding unneccessary risk TOO, I'm not gonna do that either so what's you're point?"

wow do people really worry about sitting in their garden when there kids are upstairs? I suppose if I lived in a rough area but - really?

Not really sherbetpips , just huge houses which mean the distance is a lot further. But the McCann thing has been pulled in I suppose as they themselves made the comparison that sitting at the tapas bar was similar to having a drink in your own back garden. It isn't though, unless you live in a massive house with an enormous garden and sit at the furthest point without a monitor or locking the front door.

Appalled that people care more about being able to go for a drink leaving kids alone in a hotel room than they do about the kids. Whats with all the selfishness?? And drinking heavily when you know you have care for your babies or kids?? Jeez. Why bother having kids?? Grow up...