To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

Lequeen can't your dh drive your dds so you can have a few hours getting ready? Big nights out don't come round that often!

In the same way I dont think that parents who are ok with leaving their DC's in hotel rooms are neglectful I dont think its ok to call parents who won't leave their DC's over anxious. Its horses for courses and like LeQueen I don't think about statistics all that much.

I mean statistically there must be a low chance of a 1 year old getting into the childproofed cupboard under the sink and attempting to drink Cilit Bang, yet there you go, I turn my back for a second and this is what faced my this morning.

Yes I wasn't actually referring to the hotel scenario. It was in response to posters above who said they rarely go out as a couple

Sitters?

So can I just confirm then a few points?

You say that in order for the parents to go out together they must pay for a registered and CRB checked babysitter? That no other will do?

Presumably then if someone came onto Mumsnet asking if they were being unreasonable in leaving their dd with the neighbour's teenage daughter, you would take the opportunity to tell that person that they were being selfish and irresponsible?

The nursery worker at the nursery in Peterborough who took indecent photographs of children - wasn't she CRB checked? Would that story put you off putting your kids into nursery? Or would you claim that was very very rare and a one-off?

What happened to Madeleine McCann was also very very rare and a one-off. In fact it is much rarer than CRB checked people being done for abuse. Not just sexual but physical abuse. There is another nursery in Birmingham where a male nursey worker was found guilty of abuse and also in South Lanarkshire. Very rare but it happens and it's a darn sight more common then abduction.

Those are the facts.

I won't bother to tell you how many children died whilst in house fires but based on the stats that someone kindly gave much earlier in the thread I can tell you that 1 person died in a hotel fire in 2010.

So, based on this research, I would conclude that for parents to leave a child alone in a hotel room with the kind of video monitor that I linked to for £95 or a cheaper breathing monitor (which flashes if the child's breathing changes) is therefore less of a risk. Particularly if they do this as a one-off.

It's not just to go to the bar for a few drinks. It's to get some adult time with your partner, to discuss fears and worries and just to chat. For instance dh and I would talk about the issues surrounding his family and his inheritance, how my family are being nasty to me, about our financial worries, about our lack of a sex life and what we could do about it - things that are difficult to discuss when there are distractions such as the children, having to get school things ready, packed lunches, TV etc.

A short break in a hotel is, for some, the best time to thrash out issues, get anxieties and worries off your chest and to offer support to each other. If that means leaving your child asleep in the hotel room rather than use the babysitting service of a strange member of staff, then I'm all for it. A monitor is probably better than a stranger who doesn't want to be there, watching over your child or listening outside the door (as some posters have said is the extent of hotel babysitting services).

So if some posters feel this is still not for them and they'd rather pay a professional CRB checked sitter to watch over their kids then that's fine. If others would rather not go anywhere at all without their children, well so long as you and the kids are happy then that's fair enough too.

See the debate is still going!!!

At the end of the day I think everybody has different levels of risk aversion, hopefully we can agree that the people that did leave their children in hotel rooms weren't being neglectful or bad parents they had considered the situation and appraised the risk as being something they were comfortable with. As we can see for some people even the fact that 1 person died in a hotel fire is too much of a risk for them to take, for others they see it as no risk as it is so so low.

Everybody has different things that concern them, e.g. some people are comfortable making a short car journey in a taxi or friends car without a booster seat as they see risk as v low, others would never do this. The hotel room is something similar to some people it is a no no, to others not such a big deal.

Hopefully we can all agree that everyone that has posted on this thread cares a great deal about their children and are making decisions based on their own situations that are the best from them as a family, different things work for different people.

Well said Whoneedssleepanyway

I completely agree with that.

TheRhubarb
To answer your question, I would tend to go with trusted family friend over agency babysitter.

As I said in previous posts for me its not about a fire, stranger etc, its about the feeling that I am leaving my child unattended in a building with public access.

The reality for most couples is that you have less couple time when you have young children than you had before, most relationships withstand this and are fine.
I dont see why its either leave in the room or dont go at all. My DH and I have been away for 3 separate nights/weekends away over the past 6 months without DC so I dont mind leaving them.

I am simply not at all comfortable with leaving them in a hotel room, thats just me.

That's fine if that's just you. I'm not trying to change your mind. Others on this thread have said that they only used agency babysitters who are thoroughly checked and referenced and no doubt charge the fees to go with that.

Each to their own. I just object to the name-calling and posters saying that it should be illegal, that those parents don't deserve to have kids, that they are selfish etc.

I'm happy for everyone to get along.

therhubarb speaks a lot of sense. I didn't know the stats about fires before but I always would have thought that a public building such as a hotel has much better fire procedures than in your own home and they have to regularly checked by law.

LeQueen. YOU in your relationship and with your family dynamics might be able to get your children off to bed at a reasonable time and have that lovely evening time alone with your dh.

The point I keep making is that not everyone is the same. At all.
After school clubs, dh's squash matches, housework, long telephone calls from my sister about her dh, 2 lots of packed lunches to make, dh's packed lunch, dh's favourite TV programme, feeling frazzled after a day at work, clearing the dishes, getting things ready for school/work the next day can all combine to leave you with little time for each other.

You might work it out a lot better than most.

The stats from Netmums however show that almost half of those questioned said that having children drove their relationships apart, 4 out of 5 say their relationships suffer due to exhaustion. We all need a bit of time out. A holiday is the time we are supposed to be able to unwind but if you choose to holiday in a hotel you may find that once you've put the kids to bed at 7pm you are then forced to either trust a stranger on the hotel's babysitting service (if they have one) or to turn in with the kids.

Yes it's an avoidable risk. I took that risk. Nothing happened and we appreciated the time we had to ourselves.

You wouldn't take the risk. Fine. What's the problem?

"pass on the pudding" let's say 2 puddings at £6 each is £12. Can I get a CRB checked, qualified sitter for say 2 hours for £12? Coming to the hotel?

The agency Sitters charges just under £14 for 3 months, then a £4 booking fee, an extra £6 for hotel bookings and therein £5.93 per hour with a minimum of 3 hours.

Please LeQueen, don't tell me what to do. I am very sorry that something horrendous happened to you. I'm sure the Mumsnetter a few years back whose neighbour's son (whom she had also known since he was a child) had been abusing her little girl whilst sitting for her, might also implore posters not to get friends to babysit.

I parent the way I see fit. I do not need someone else to tell me what to spend my money on or how often I should go away or how I don't need to spend time with my dh without the kids.

I have not told anyone else on this thread how to parent. I have said all along that it's fine them to do one thing and for me to do another. Please give me the same courtesy that I give to you.

Well thanks for that.

The implication is there LeQueen. I don't appreciate it but you are entitled to your views.

TheRhubarb, did you used to be Rhubarb?

This thread has gone on long enough and i have agreed to disagree and so should everyone else.
The only thing i would say is that the quicker this thread dies the quicker the endorsement for leaving dcs alone in a hotel room will stop as quiet lurkers of this thread may be using it as an answer to whether they go ahead with doing this or not.
So i have one last thing to say-everyone will parent how they see fit but please, please, please anyone who hasn't done this before or is thinking of doing it don't, it isnt worth the risk of any of the things mentioned happening.
Who knows someone may try this and wished they hadn't.

Yes JustFab

And Pumpkin, I have lost count of the amount of times I have tried to agree to disagree, only everlong so far has extended that courtesy. Others have tried to have the last word by implying that I personally, or those posters who are of the same opinion, are bad mothers.

Whilst that implication is there I will carry on posting. Because that is out of order.