To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

I can see people's reasoning for sitting in the bar with a monitor having a bite to eat, although i would not be able to do it myself.

What I can't understand is advising it's safe/ok/good idea to leave an 18month old while you attend a wedding. How does that work then? Chatting to all the relatives, the odd dance, using the loo? Do you marshall another person to keep their eyes fixed on the monitor for flashing lights while you have turned to talk to someone? It's likely to be noisy so you would need to go by the lights a lot therefor would not be able to take your eyes off it, atall really, for it to be as safe as being in the room/baby in a pram by your side.

If people were so concerned about a small chance of something awful happening to their beloved kids, they would never drive them down a major motorway but get a train instead which statically is far far safer. Who does this?

everlong, there you go again. Using the word selfish.

Yes, we are all selfish. The mothers who choose to leave their children to go to work and have a life that does not revolve around being a mother. Do you think they are selfish?

What about those who hire a babysitter to go out for a meal? Are they selfish?

The only issue I have with you is this insistence of yours that we are selfish. I have the right to answer that.

I asked you what was wrong with the monitor I linked to.

YOU are happy to spend every waking hour with your child and that is a lovely thing to be sure. But everyone is different. I find it essential to have some time with my friends and with my dh too. Essential for my happiness and wellbeing.

And actually, no I would never ever leave my children with my mother or father. You don't actually realise that my mother is abusive and my father has just been diagnosed with dementia. My stepfather was witnessed by myself, touching my niece inappropriately. So no, I don't trust my family.

I am sorry you think me very selfish and irresponsible. I asked that we agree to disagree, let me be more clear on that. I asked that you respect my choices as a parent whilst I respected yours. I am not here to change your mind, I merely wanted to defend myself against such offensive accusations. However my arguments have fallen on deaf ears and so I am asking once more, that you shake hands and agree to disagree with me and move on from this thread which is not now achieving anything. I am a real person behind this computer screen with real feelings and I would be lying if I did not say that being told I am selfish and not caring for my children as I should is hurtful. As I am sure you would be hurt if anyone told you the same thing.

What's wrong with being selfish occasionally???!!!

Since when does becoming a mother mean you become a doormat and your happiness, wishes, wants, needs etc don't matter to anyone at all, even to yourself???!!!

A bit of moderation is important here - children need to become accustomed to people other than their family, and they need to have enough confidence to not go completely hysterical in an emergency (such as an emergency hospitalisation of a parent)m, and parents need to have some sort of a life outside of the family unit.

Oh and everlong - my family are all on the other side of the world, bit of a bloody long trip to drop them off and pick them up for a babysitting gig . A LOT of people don't have access to family for babysitting.

I don't take my family on holiday with us.

everlong, I meant women who work not because they needed to, but because they wanted to, because their career is a large part of who they are.

But yes, your childhood experiences do in a way, shape who you are. I just don't want to over-compensate for mine with my kids.

Glad to agree to disagree on this one

applauds ChitChat

But everlong - you've gone from one extreme to the other. You were forced to spend a LOT of time alone, not looked after by anyone at all. That is completely different to having someone there, looking after you, playing with you, keeping you company. That was an awful way to be brought up and its a big credit to you that you've overcome it as much as you have. But you've now gone what would seem to me to be too far in the other direction.

and now i understand exaclty why you feel as you do everlong and that is fine, as i said i wouldnt judge you for your choices, am glad we call all agree to disagree :)

I seem to have had no answer and would like to ask again, to the people who say it's a good idea to leave the baby to attend evening reception.

Do you keep your eyes on the monitor at all times for flashing lights, or take it in turns with a partner, for dances, loo visits, chats with friends?

I personally wouldn't do that, but that is what works for me.

well mine lights up really bright at the slightest nosie, so i just had it on a table where i was sitting and where i could see it when dancing etc, but yes my parents were there and could if needed keep an eye on the moniter if i went to the toilet, plus we took it in turns every 20mins or so to nip back to the room, literally a minute away from where we were, it worked for us :)

downs the and asks for a refil

I can't help the way I am either. My DH works long hours, and I pretty much have sole responsibility for my DC for 6 days a week, plus when he travels abroad. I want/need a break so I use a childminder 1 day a week and do voluntary work. I'm relatively new to the area so don't have good enough friends that I feel I can ask them to babysit regularly. I don't do it for money, I guess I can argue that it can help me get back into the workforce when both DSs are in school full time but its not why I do it.

My DSs love going to the CM's, they treat it like a great big playdate with her 2 DDs.

Effectively my voluntary work is selfish, but having some 'selfish' time makes me a better and happier mother on the other days. It means they are more accustomed to others looking after them occasionally (which paid off when DS2 needed an operation and I needed her help looking after DS1). In fact I still keep in catch up with my former CM and her DC as my DSs love spending time with them so much.

Occasional nights out with and without my DH help me form stronger friendships. Very important when I'm relatively new to an area. It also gives me the chance to drink a little, laugh a lot, and focus on other grown ups, maybe see a play, hear a band, and stop my brain becoming too child-centric.

You too everlong We can only do our best eh? Our parents have a lot to answer for.

PerfumedLife, yes the monitor is on the table in front of us. Dh and I don't usually go to the loo together so one of us always watches the monitor.

I think it's the people who won't ever leave their DC alone who are selfish. DC will either feel utterly smothered and, the older they get, the more continually embarrassed they will be by being the only ones whose parents won't give them any peace or privacy or let them spend time with anyone else - or they will grow up into hopelessly neurotic clingy whiners who can't stand to be alone.

Solid. Define "alone". Alone in a hotel room? I wouldn't see a refusal to do this as evidence of smothering. Bit of a stretch there

I mean the ones who are all 'Waah, how could you possibly have any time away from your DC, how could you even want to, ours go everywhere with us like it or not'. And leaving DC in a hotel room with a monitor/listening service is, to many people, an acceptable level of risk as well as being statistically safer than leaving them with a babysitter.