To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

I don't think I called anyone disgusting!

I don't but that doing this is the only way to "rekindle a relationship", what's a hotel per night? they mostly start at about £60 per night. For £25 a night we can get a CRBed, interviewed, known familiar babysitter to mind DS in his own bed in his own home while we go out together. Taking DS away just to leave him in a room is not the way to have couple time IMO. Or if we need to we'll both take a day off when DH is at preschool and have breakfast or lunch together. Or just put aside an evening to no chores or TV or internet or phones at home and spend the time eating and talking and..

Or we all go camping and lounge around outside the tent together when DS is snoring a thin piece of fabric away

Yes here's to me for actually giving a shit about my kids and pitting their needs first. How can anyone think this is ok? Or even compare it to being in the living room of your home home? Your own home is not full of strangers. Seriously I just can't imagine why anyone would do this, they are your children why would you put them in danger? Anyone with half a brain can see the dangers in doing this. It's not the same as going to school or nursery as these are things we have to do for our children either to work to provide for them or for their education, This is putting your own needs above the safety of your children, how can anyone who does this claim to be anything other than an unfit parent?

I wonder if there has ever been a case of a child abducted from a hotel room while the parents were in the bar or restaurant? ever? (Except MM)

The MaCanns left the window open, on the ground floor, facing the road, and the door unlocked. The child was able to get out of the bed and the apartment and wander off if she chose. They had no listening device at all and couldn't even see the apartment.

A child in a cot they can't get out of, in a locked room, and parents using a baby monitor is totally different. If in a small hotel it is not much different from leaving your baby upstairs while you sit downstairs and watch TV or have dinner.

I think it's completely ridiculous to suggest that anyone who did this does not deserve to have children. A bit too pearl clutchy for me. My opinion on leaving an 18 month old in a hotel room with a listening service or babysitter I didn't know is that it's an absolute no no for me. DH and I have never been martyrs to our children but we do accept that they are our responsibility and their needs come first. That does not mean having no time to ourselves or staying in forever, it just means making sensible arrangements for when we go out.

oh do shut up andy, you sound hysterical

have a cup of tea and a or something

and for everybody getting their knickers in a knot, the OP o this thread (remember her ?) said she had decided not to go ahead with this plan about 4 pages back

Well said AnyFucker.

Andy have you actually read any of the examples of where people have done this...? Nobody is putting their children in danger.

< bossy >

No monkey I apologise, I didn't mean that you had said I was a disgusting parent I was saying that I hoped you understood why I was offended by being called that and how that strengthens my pov.

I thought you were talking about family holidays not weekends away in a hotel?
We don't do hotel weekends anymore as it's unaffordable.

But if you are comparing then I presume that you are also responsible for the travelling of the babysitter? Would you have to pay for their petrol costs? Or a taxi back?

You forget that whilst some options may be open to you, they are not open to everyone and not everyone can take a day off work, go camping etc.

In the OPs case, it's a wedding so presumably her family who would otherwise have babysat will also be there. I think it's a bit much to ask people who may be intoxicated, to skip part of the reception to take it in turns to look after your child. The parents obv want to be able to join in the party and not be tied to a craggy, tired child who can't sleep. So in their situation I don't see a problem with this. You do and so do others. Fair enough.

So why not just let it lie?

I guess what I was trying to say in my last post, is that while I see the need to take many many risks in life, I do not see the need to leave a child alone in a strange room. The only reason given is to have couple time/rekindle relationships/not be bored for a couple of hours, and that doesn't balance out for me! I absolutely do not believe that this is the only way to have couple time! and I'm not some lucky git who lives near helpful family and ILs who have DS at a drop of a had, we don't have that set up at all! but we still don't NEED to leave our child in a hotel room alone.

we've been together for 10 years and DO need quality time but there are so many other ways around that!

it is not neccessary, I don't believe anyone who says it is! just be honest and say you do it because you LIKE doing it, I don't buy that you HAVE to do it because it's the only chance in the world you'll get to spend 1:1 quality time with your OH

do people have the same opinion on kids clubs too, not much difference really they are still strangers

oh dear i didn't crb check them, he had a great time though and so did i having a few hours to sit in the sun and read was wonderful more enjoyable than building sandcastles

I agree with TheRhubarb.

We used babylistening once when DS was about 18 months. This was pre McCann days so the world was a little less hysterical. I can't remember having any concerns about it but perhaps I am negligent, who knows.

We also went to lanzarote and hired a babysitter who I strongly suspect brought her boyfriend into the appartment with her whilst we were out. I think in the two situations there is more chance of risk in the unknown babysitter option.

And yes I also agree with Isabelle, whilst whatever has happened to Madeline McCann is tragic, there are huge fundamental differences between that scenario and the baby listening one. If you asked me if I would leave my 4 year old unattended in an unlocked appartment 100 yards away and out of sight, where I periodically went in to check thus alerting all in sundry that the appartment was unlocked then of course I would say no.

OP what I would say is that after the dodgy babysitter we started taking DS with us and discovered that actually he would go to sleep in his buggy quite happily when he got tired thus getting round the problem and saving money on babysitters )

As you feel uncomfortable about the situation I would suggest bringing him with you and then if he does need his bed, taking turns to sit up with him.

To you it is not necessary. To me it is. I am happy to understand your pov as I have said before, I wish you would be happy to accept mine.

After all, it's not necessary to have a few drinks whilst in charge of your children. It's not necessary to leave them watching kids TV whilst you snooze on the sofa. It's not necessary to leave them in the car whilst paying for petrol. There are many things we do that are not necessary and which have risks associated with them. But as parents it's our job to weigh up those risks and make the best possible decision at the time dependent on circumstances. That's what we all do everyday.

Enough of the condeming already. It's getting tiresome.

"You forget that whilst some options may be open to you, they are not open to everyone and not everyone can take a day off work, go camping et"

we are talking about people who CAN afford a hotel for the night and a meal in the restaurant or drinks at the bar. A babysitter in own home is cheaper than that. A M&S meal deal and turning the telly/phones/internet off for an evening is even cheaper.

there is no serious NEED to do it! you may ENJOY it, but I don't think that anyone NEEDS to. It is not the only way on earth to spend quality couple time, it's certainly not the cheapest either!

Am off now to neglect the children a bit more with my disgusting parenting. As I see I have no outraged PMs I suspect those posters are all bark and no bite. After all, it's so easy to condemn when hiding behind a computer screen. Cowards.

I would like to extend my hand to all those who have disagreed wtih me. We all have our different ways and I hope that by understanding and accepting your parenting styles you might at least accept decisions that others make, even if you disagree with them.

No, there's no need but I did it anyway and would do it again.

Calculated risks. I shouldn't have to justify that to strangers. Just as you shouldn't have to justify your pov. I don't see it as any riskier than having a neighbour's teenager babysit, but I don't see anyone condemning that parenting choice.

I really do think that you are seeing extremes where there are none. You can see the worst case scenario in everything that you do, you have chosen to see it in this activity. I don't. You could equally berate me for leaving the kids in the car whilst filling up. It's not something that I'm going to spend any more time arguing about because it's pointless.

You won't change my view. The stats speak for themselves on this one.

I am perfectly happy to admit I have left my child in a hotel room on several occasions. When away for a few days with your family, in a hotel without a babysitting service, I am damned if I am going to sit in silence from 8pm every night, waiting for a child to fall asleep and then spend the rest of the evening wispering in a dark hotel room trying not to wake them.

On a slightly lighter note, my parents left me and my two siblings in a hotel room many moons ago, with a baby listening service linked to the reception.

They had their meal in peace, checked on us, then went for a short walk. During this time all 3 of us children (all probably under 5) were violently sick. Parents returned to find hotel staff desperately trying to clean up the mess!

They like to think it was hotel food that caused it and the staff therefore got their comeuppance, but just as likely some bug from the beach or something.

well what if you just want to go to a relatives wedding as i said i went to a cousins wedding and did exactly this, baby moniter and i and my parents took it in turns to go and check on ds4 and dd, they were fine, the wedding was a one of obviously! and dd was 6mths old by that point and i hadn had a night out or seen any of the relatives at the wedding for months! dd an dds4 wouldnt go to sleep in the pushchair with the party going on around them, i had a room close to the reception and my moniter worked, i checked it before hand, i also made sure the room was childfriendly.

thb dp and i rarely go out as we cant afford to and we are both generally too tired, dp works crazy hours! so when there is a wedding or something we will have saved up in advance for it, and it doesnt happen often (have been to 3 weddings in 12 yrs since having children) they are special and yes i do want to have a bit of an evening and have fun.

affording a hotel is not something that we can just do, esp not with 5 kids, its takes planning and just dp getting the time off work is a complete pita. and we do quite often have a meal at home once the kids are in bed, nice not NOT the same as going out and having someone serve you food and do the cleaning up afterwards, the feel, the atmosphere etc, we may be parents and our children do come first but hell yes we deserve some adult time and a bit of fun, so if that means using a hotel babysitter (once) or a baby moniter anothe time then i will do that.

you may not NEED to use your car to nip to the shop 5 mins up the road, but its raining and you dont want to get wet so you load you kids in the car and drive, then you have an accident, you could have walked and therefore woudlnt have had an accident?! that is MORE likely than all the scenarios here with the hotel, you do realise that? statistically most car crashes take place very close to home and on short journeys when you could probably have walked!! but lots of people do that everyday and think nothing of it!

I wouldnt leave her. Although the abduction risk is low, what about dd getting hurt, sick or even just waking up crying and alone.

Heres what i would do/have done:
Take her pram. Take her with you, let her play,eat,dance. When she starts getting cranky, put her in pram n go for a walk then enjoy the rest of the evening with dp an dd snoring in her pram :)

Get a life would you? Kayano, I'd rather be a hypocrite (and one who offered to shake hands) than a hysterical headless chicken.

No goddam way. Are you INSANE?! have you not heard of Madeleine McCann? Jeez.

Oh Lord, here we go again.

Read the fucking thread people.

Madelaine McGann was not in a hotel room FFS!