Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

999 replies

Shelby2010 · 13/05/2012 22:40

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

OP posts:
Emsmaman · 14/05/2012 15:08

We had a couple with a baby attend our wedding, and as our wedding was in a hotel we arranged for them to have a room on the ground floor which was within range of their baby monitor. Now having a child, I don't think I would do the same (PFB) but I wouldn't flame anyone who did.

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 15:08

monkeymoma, even if you know the babysitter, you can't prevent every scenario. And if hotel babysitters are that bad then that's another option closed to the OP.

It's been years since we had a babysitter.

solidgoldbrass · 14/05/2012 15:09

If you are the sort of parent who is a competitive-martyrdom whinyarse 'Oh if you won't accept that you can NEVER HAVE ANY FUN AGAIN you're a terrible parent and shouldn't have had children'. do bear in mind the risk that your children will leave home as fast as possible because they are sick to death of 'we gave up everything for you' guilt-tripping.

Thumbwitch · 14/05/2012 15:11

I admit I wouldn't do this - I wouldn't want to leave DS alone in a dark place he didn't know, screaming, while it took a listening service however long to find me and me to get to him. :( (PFB, yes).

We went to a wedding when DS was 9mo, so a bit different from your DD - took it in turns to sit with him for a bit but decided that our best option was to put him in the pushchair (it laid out flat, and I put in extra padding for comfort) and take him back down with us. He fell asleep in the reception, despite the noise etc. and at least we could sit with friends rather than on our lonesome in the bedroom. Yes, he woke up again a bit later, but then I took him up and went to bed - I was still bf'ing at that point so hadn't had any alcohol and was tired so it worked fine.

Other people had their small children (toddlers and up) at the reception until quite late - I think as a one-off you can relax bedtimes quite a long way as along as your DD doesn't start screaming through tiredness.

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 15:15

I have said I wouldn't do it, but I do remember now that dh and I sneaked don for a drink once with ds in the room. That was half n hour with us at bottom of stairs and him at top. And we decided once we knew the layout of it all. I also went to a wedding where friends of mine put their dds to bed and brought the monitor through, they did spend most of the night worrying they couldn't hear and popping back. So not relaxing for them.

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 15:16

oh I know rhubarb, there's no 100%, but a babysitter who you can track down to the professional registration they are trying to achieve and their home is more accountable than an agency sitter who can disappear!

I wouldn't do either the monitor/listening service OR the agency sitter, if we go on a family holiday we have an earlyish dinner and DS stays up a BIT late, then we have an early night and off for family fun the next morning, we don't go away with DS for nights out! we go away to a hotel with DS to spend time as a family, if we need couple time we have a night out at home with a regular sitter sometimes, or else have a dine in deal and set the table nice at home after DS is in bed.

Other times we have had relays Grin where we have an hour at a do at a time each, and sometimes rellies do a shift so we can be down at the do together for an hour

ScrambledSmegs · 14/05/2012 15:20

Wow, er, this is all a bit heated!

I really only came back to say I changed my mind about baby listening services being unsafe, as long as the hotel is small and quite secure, and the children aren't able to leave the room themselves. I made a snap judgement previously as I didn't know how they work.

We've used agency babysitters on holiday, not people supplied by the hotel, and they've been fine. DD adored the lady in New Zealand, for example. I realise there are risks attached to most scenarios, it's all about what you feel comfortable with for your children, and what the circumstances are. At least, that's my opinion.

ScrambledSmegs · 14/05/2012 15:21

PS I'm not the OP!

SiSiTD · 14/05/2012 15:28

Okay, this is the perspective of someone who works in hotels and is personally baffled that people even consider leaving any minor alone in a hotel room. These are my reasons:

  1. What happens if there was a fire. Your PFB would be trapped in the locked room and is likely to be killed. Staff are expected to put their own safety above that of ANY body else.
  2. As you mentioned - think of all the staff (current and past) who have had access to a master key and could have copied it - how easy would it be to potentially take your PFB (or worse). Most people would never leave a hotel room without putting all valuables in the safe - so why would you leave a child.

I'm not usually someone who is precious about over protecting children - but every time i see parents with a baby monitor in the restaurant I feel physically sick.

EasilyBored · 14/05/2012 15:29

At my wedding my sis used the hotel babysitting service, and the sitter sat outside the the room, and just listened for any noise etc. I'm very PFB about a lot of things, but I think I would use a baby sitting service through a hotel. Alternatively, you could use a video monitor (if the baby was asleep) if the party was in range?

andypandy30 · 14/05/2012 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 15:36

monkey, I should imagine they would be more expensive?
In the past we've used the daughter of a neighbour and neighbours themselves who are happy to babysit in return for a bottle of wine or some pocket money.

Again I don't understand the abduction argument. Your child is far more likely to be abused by a babysitter (even one you personally know) than to be abducted by a stranger from a hotel room.

QuickLookBusy · 14/05/2012 15:37

The thing is every parent has to do what is best for them.

I never did this. I just let DDs have a late nap then they stayed up with us at the wedding/celebration. There are always lots of relatives/children who want to entertain little ones at this sort of occasion. I would never have relaxed enough to leave them in the room so there was no point in doing it.

If you can relax, enjoy yourself and not worry then go ahead. I envy that you can do that and wouldn't judge because I know deep down that the chances of anything awful happening are almost zero.

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 15:37

well here's to you to andypandy30

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 15:40

i wouldn't go that far, but do judge.

I am no hellicopter mom! I don't own alcohol gel, DS is a little thrill seeker and I hold back and let him find his own limits most of the time! I definitely do not smother him

I don't see the point in going away as a family with kids in tow to have "couple time". I don't get that! If you're away with kids enjoy being away together and have an early dinner and an early night and get up and go out as a family! If you need couple time there are other ways of making that time without doing this, this is NOT the only way to get quality couple time

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 15:41

Hang on whilst I tell the kids I'm an unfit parent. Ooooh take my kids from me now quick before I put them danger!

Seriously, I did this and I would do it again, so those of you who think I'm disgusting and an unfit parent, please do PM me with your views. I'll be happy to provide you with full details so you can make your report. Put your money where your large mouths are. Go on, do something if you are that bothered. Report me.

EasilyBored · 14/05/2012 15:43

If you're away with your kids for a whole week, and probably sharing a hotel room with them, wouldn't any normal person go completely insane if they didn't get an hour or two of adult time (whether with their partner or not)?

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 15:44

no rhubarb I pay them the going rate for round here, £5/hr. One asked for £4/hr because that's what she got in her home town but damn it I'm too feckin honest and felt bad paying her less than the last one so give her £5.

I do babysitting swaps with a couple of other mums which doesn't cost anything. Again no guarentees but they are CRBed for work as am I, I also know basic first aid for work so a bit more accountable than a stranger from an agency.

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 15:46

Do people really think their child is as likely to be snatched as their handbag or watch?

5madthings · 14/05/2012 15:46

the babysitter we used, who was recomended by the hotel crb checked, had first aid skills etc etc was £80 and that was for four hours from 8-12!! madness, we couldnt afford it but luckly grandma paid as she knew we needed a night out! dp went back at 12 and i stayed at the wedding party a bit longer :)

monkeymoma · 14/05/2012 15:46

"wouldn't any normal person go completely insane if they didn't get an hour or two of adult time"

um, no! we're so rarely all in the same place at the same time for more than a morning or an afternoon here and there that the whole point of family holidays is that we all get to be together WITHOUT having to rush off anywhere. We look forward to the rare chance of uninterrupted together family time!

Whoneedssleepanyway · 14/05/2012 15:47

Monkey - I agree with you about holidays, since having kids when we have gone on holiday it has been to a villa or cottage specifically so we don't have this problem and can relax in our own surroundings of an evening.

BUT if we have ever needed to stay in a hotel we have on occassion left the DDs in the room, but this has been carefully considered.

Andypandy I couldn't give a fuck what you think, I know I am a good parent and so do my DDs. And to say someone doesn't deserve to have children is a pretty disgusting thing to say in my opinion

as you were Grin

TheRhubarb · 14/05/2012 15:47

monkeymoma, I get that you don't do this. What I don't get is why you are so bothered about others doing it.

The statistics are there, they are probably safer than with a babysitter friend.

Not every couple has the luxury of having family or friends about, I know we don't. As people we have not changed since having kids and we still like to get out every now and then to rekindle our relationship, to have a bit of adult time. It doesn't happen very often at all. Holidays are not just for the kids imo. I spend almost every waking hour with the kids, bending over backwards for them and I do that willingly. On holiday I also like to chill and unwind instead of simply doing what I do now but in a foreign country.

To do what you suggested we would have to go back to our hotel and be in bed at 7pm, because this was the kids routine and we have done that. We have sat in the dark trying not to talk too loud, or crouched in the bathroom. It was horrible. That's what made us get a baby monitor.

We booked rooms that were on the ground or first floor. We planned it all, we checked regularly, we tested the monitor. Yes it was worth it. Just to get a bit of time away from being a parent for an hour or so.

I don't appreciate being called a disgusting parent for that decision. I hope monkey that you can understand that. I did say horses for courses and I meant it. So why are some people so uptight and judgemental and downright nasty about a careful and calculated decision?

5madthings · 14/05/2012 15:50

same here rhubarb we have stayed in hotels with all of us in the one room and had to sit in the dark reading torch light etc, its bloody crap! so now we try and get a room where the kids rooms is ajoining ours, or else we specifically request a room on the ground floor or close to the dining rm/bar etc so we can use the baby moniter.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2012 15:52

bloody hell, these threads always end in a bunfight

I wouldn't do this, but I don't start calling others unfit parents if they would, under the right circumstances