to send a nearly 9 year old 100 yards down the road to the chip shop

[workshy]

having left over roast beef and chips for tea but had no frozen chips in yes I know I'm a slattern but it is sunday so sent DD, who will be 9 next month down to the chippy which is on my road, to fetch a bag of chips

she was 'escorted' home by a woman who had happened to be in the chippy and though I was totally unreasonable to let her go to the chip shop by herself at that time of night (it was ten to six when she went)

have I totally lost it in my ability to make reasonable decisions about my child's safety or is she a nut job?

At 9y, in Y5, I was walking myself to school and back every day - as was every child in my class from what I remember. It was the first year of middle school and it just seemed that was when everyone started walking to school without a parent. Was a 15min walk I guess, some minor roads to cross plus one busier one. On a Friday we would go and cross the main road to the sweet shop too and get some sweets for a Friday treat, before heading home.

DD is just turned 10y. She can't walk to school herself as too far and I don't feel she is ready to go by bus on her own yet. She will do once she is at secondary school I suspect though. But DD does play out with her friends on our estate, she is often out of sight even if on our road as it is an L shaped cul de sac. She goes to the post box at the other side of the estate without me, and when she is with friends they go to the playground behind the estate too - not far but out of sight. She started doing that when she turned 9y last year. She's been playing on on our street for 2-3 years. She knows not to leave the estate behind the park - it is a country road but pretty fast. She also knows not to go off with other people, children or adults, without speaking to me first - and that is in person as I don't give her a phone. She also knows to check on with me every hour or so, or is given a time to be back - which she sticks too.

Our shops are about a 15 minute walk each way - no really big, main roads although one is quite busy I guess. Not let her go there yet but would consider it if she was with a sensible friend.

I know I am a little protective but know I need to increase what I allow DD to do gradually in preparation to her going to secondary school in 18 months time.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-17495032... nature deficit disorder ,,,some ppl may want to take a look at how damaging it is to kids developing and learning

I know the chances of the worst happening are infinitely small - but for some reason the Soham incident more than others made me realise that you can never be sure ... Even in a small village . And I'm not scaremongering - I know that was an extreme rarity . I'm just saying that was the story that stuck in my head more than any others

Ah. You see, i think one of the most important things we can do as parents is not to project our irrational feears onto our children. They are our irrational fears and it's up to us to supress them and wave our children cheerfully off on their new adventures. It's really hard, but it has to be done.

There's been little comment on the stranger's issue with the "time of night." Was that really part of it? OK to go to shops at 4pm, but not 6pm?

Doormat .- interesting but luckily my dd's were not deprived of friendships and nature. They often spent all day in the garden at home or a friends and my dh is a very 'outdoorsy' person so many weekends of walks, kite flying, tree climbing, bike riding etc - often weekends were spent at the beach ( in all weathers). I don't think they have been deprived - ill ask them later what they would have preferred

It sounds reasonable to me, surely it's normal for children that age to go to and from school on their own (unless it's too far to walk), or to the corner shop etc.

And I wasn't aware that ten to six was any time of 'night', especially this time of year when it's still completely light!

6pm at this time of year is fine for me. It is still light.
6pm in the winter is more of an issue as it can be properly dark by then.

ermm dropdead ..obvious you havent read the link as it has a part about traffic

That woman is a nut job. It's entirely reasonable to send a nine year old up the road.

Seeker - irrational ?? If it could happen ( and sadly it could) then the fear is not altogether irrational. Just as I now tell my daughters about being safe whilst out at clubs or bars ad travelling on public transport etc
Telling my daughters to never get in unlicensed cabs because of the chance of rape - yes it's statistically never likely to happen - but why take risks??
I accept that we don't share the same view but I'm curious as to why you need to keep telling me I'm doing wrong, when I've successfully raised two adult daughters now who don't seem terrified of life or deprived of fun

Sorry doormat I read half of it and assumed it was about 'cotton wooling'

lol x

I can SEE my local shop and my chip shop from my front gate. So I cross Ds1 over the road, watch him all the way there, and all the way back. He is nine, but has ASD but he's nicely verbal and adores handling money. Buying things is his favourite occupation. Then he comesback with the chips/milk/dog food, and I cross him back again.

And if Ds2 wasn't so damned short, I'd let him do this too, but he still looks like a toddler and we haven't lived here long enough for everyone to know that he's really six.

Doormat have just read the rest - sorry!!
I do think traffic is a worry - particularly when there are police action programmes that seem to dwell on the number of reckless uninsured drivers out there!! I think more pedestrianised areas would be great but then there is always the issue of access for all - not everyone can walk long distances I guess.
I grew up in a small town that wAs considered 'safe' and was allowed to roam free alongside my 3 brothers - I still had a couple if worrying 'near misses' with strangers though. I now live in a busier town in Surrey and dont gel the same way about it at all

I think going to a specified place and back again, with a firm purpose, is much much safer for a first-independance-trip than playing out. Ds1 can't play out, he#'s not focussed enough, I'd lose him. But he manages the shop well.

At 8 I was walking 3 miles home alone from school most days. My carers didn't give a shit about me though.

I have left my 10 year old home alone for 30 minutes and he loved it. I didn't. Still not sure it was okay.

lol drop not a prob...traffic is a concern for ppl though x

I think this is important because I think the way we raise our children helps to form the society we live in. And I don't want us to be creating a risk averse society where we regard other human being with suspicion. And allowing our behaviour to be modified by risks which are so vanishingly small they are irrational is a worrying development. I know small children who genuinely think that if they aren't accompanied by an adult they are likely to be "taken away by a bad man and I'll never see mummy again" as one said to me a few days ago. I don't think this is healthy for individuals or for society.

I can only think perhaps the nine year old looks a lot younger, either that or the woman is very strange indeed. My six (nearly 7) year old is allowed anywhere on the cul de sac we live in when she is playing out with friends. I let DDs (6 and 3) play out front together where they can be seen from the window - they just go up and down the pavement on their bicycle/scooter.

In fact if there was a chip shop at the end of the road and she wanted to go on her own I'd be perfectly happy to send her out for a bag of chips. In a year or two she'll be walking to school on her own/with friends if she wants to as there are no roads to cross, looking after her little sister if they are both sensible enough.

I think the thing I've found is a lot of parents don't allow their DCs to go anywhere alone, then when it comes to secondary, these DCs are scared of traveling anywhere, even to school alone.

I agree with seeker, it may be hard but I think we have to prepare them to be independent and not project our fears onto them IMO it only makes things harder for the children as they get older.

Obviously that's just my experience of dd and ds1 friends who were not allowed anywhere out of sight and were really scared of taking a bus to school, doing after school clubs etc because their parents had such a fear of them being out of sight, the DCs were worried if their parents were not around, they wouldn't be able to cope and especially in unusual situations like a detention when they had to come home alone or a bus breaking down or diverting.

watching your child at 11 cross the road and making sure they walk with friends etc to school? at 11 my ds1 was and still does now go off on his own, if he isnt sure of hte way he asks us and looks in a map book, he will often go out on his bike and take a map book with him. i think if you dont start giving them bits of responsibilty at a younger age they have a LOT to learn all of a sudden when they start high school as well as adjusting to starting high school, so we made the choice that they could play out in our cul de sac from 5ish, go to the shops from 8ish and have a bit more freedom as they got to 9/10yrs, walking to and from school, going to the shops to the local park etc and getting them used to doing things so that when they got to high school walking there was no big deal, ditto walking into the city centre after school if they want to and going to the cinema or to laser quest with friends at the wkend.

i said on another thread, the other day ds4 was ill so i txt ds1 and he went from high school to the primary that ds2 (9) and ds3 (7) are at and then met them and walked home, ds2 could easily walk home on his own and does but the school wont let ds3 out without someone meeting him as he is in yr 2, so ds1 met him and they walked the half hour home together, one big busy road that has a crossing, they were fine and its something they enjoy doing, that feeling of being a bit grown up and knowing that i think they are responsible. IF they show they arent responsible then these privelidges are taken away for a short period of time and they have to build up to them again, but i would still rather start them off wiht some responsibility before they are high school age.

I'm terrified to let my dd out of my sight (she's 8 - the other one has SN so I can't let her anyway). I do think I have issues in this respect! I can't rest unless I have seen her walk into school.

5madthings - that's great, you are happy and so is your son. I'm happy with the way I do things and my dds seem to have been too.

Reading this thread, I've just remembered my best ever packet of sweets.

At primary school age we went to each other's houses for lunch on different days. One lunch time I forgot to get off the bus at Mary's house, but stayed on and got off at home. Then realised I was meant to be at Mary's. Walked there, and found they didn't have a door bell. Lunch was well started, I could hear everyone chatting inside. Tried chapping the letter box. Nothing. Very frustrating.

Walked to home of another friend nearby. They had a doorbell, hurrah! Managed to raise her mum, who called Mary's mum on the phone, sorted everything out.

The sweets were Tutti Fruttis bought for me that evening by my Mum in recognition that I had done the sensible thing. More for trying to find some lunch and not starving than for safe road crossing, though.