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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to send a nearly 9 year old 100 yards down the road to the chip shop

235 replies

workshy · 13/05/2012 18:28

having left over roast beef and chips for tea but had no frozen chips in yes I know I'm a slattern but it is sunday so sent DD, who will be 9 next month down to the chippy which is on my road, to fetch a bag of chips

she was 'escorted' home by a woman who had happened to be in the chippy and though I was totally unreasonable to let her go to the chip shop by herself at that time of night (it was ten to six when she went)

have I totally lost it in my ability to make reasonable decisions about my child's safety or is she a nut job?

OP posts:

Whoopydofoxpoo · 14/05/2012 18:01

''bleurgh i hate the orange tango.'' - so do I , there again we're not 9 yrs old.

I must say that my 9 yr old and 11 yr old since they go off to school and come back on their own it's given me an extra 1.5 hrs to myself - in other words can start work earlier !

5madthings · 14/05/2012 18:10

well i dont know if the primary school has a rule but ds1 went to the primary so the teachers etc know them, he is coming up 13 and has always been sensible, far too sensible at times, like an old man in a childs body! and i know that ds2 can be a pita at times, ie wouldnt want to stop playing football and come home so i said CALL me, if there is a problem, but they all walked home fine and it was lovely to see them coming up the driveway chatting to each other :)

and yes orange tango must be a child thing, only my dp likes it, but then he can be rather childlike at times

Whoopydofoxpoo · 14/05/2012 18:13

Our school are happy for yr5 & yr 6 to walk home on their own , in fact actively encourage it - never come across an age restriction on the 'picker upper'.

doormat · 14/05/2012 18:18

yanbu nothing wrong with abit of independence....also the first few times i or dh discretly follow them....

5madthings · 14/05/2012 18:19

yes yr 5 could come on their own so ds2 could have done but ds3 is in yr 2 and only 7 so they need to be collected, i dont think they would let ds2 who is in yr 5 be the one to collect him, but they are happy for ds1 who is 12 to do so.

next yr i would have let ds2 (who would be in yr 6) and ds3 (who would be in yr 3) come home together but ds4 starts in reception so i will have to pick him up anyway! as it is i often let ds2 stay after school and play football etc with his friends and he makes his own way home, as long as he is home by 4:30 is fine by me :)

merlincat · 14/05/2012 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holmesgirl · 14/05/2012 20:24

Secondary school age for me too. My thirteen year old gets the bus into town and loves to go shopping with her friends now so it hasn't done her independence skills any harm. I agree with the others re not giving the lady a hard time. Her heart is obviously in the right place and it seems her intentions were good.

AngiBolen · 14/05/2012 20:54

You seriously don't let your DC out alone until secondary school age?

I know I'm over protective of DS2 (I'm convinced he is so utterly gorgeous the first person who sees him would want to take him home - and if you said "would you like to see my puppies, or offer him some sweets, he would would most likely say yes and follow you) but even I let him go on a short errand by himself way before secondary school.

5madthings · 14/05/2012 20:56

its cos there is a magic switch at secondary school age when they become resoponsible and sensible.......

seeker · 14/05/2012 21:50

I'd just like to draw attention to the fact that the cases listed by Cheerful Yank were all in the States I assume she is too) and all at least 10 years ago. God, I hate scaremongering.

EdlessAllenPoe · 14/05/2012 22:00

i think if i left my children unattended for perhaps 400000 years, that would be long enough for them to be likely to be abducted...

it was on QI ages ago, so perhaps i have remembered the figure incorrectly.

Havingaminutespeace · 14/05/2012 22:44

Argh, it's posts like the OP's and subsequent replies that scare the crap out of me. I have a very nearly 9 year old who I have just started to let go to the local shop on our street on his own.
You can just about see the shop door from our front door. He doesn't have to cross any major roads to get there. All in one straight line from our door to the shop.
Where I can see him. and I'll hover like a loon outside the front door until he comes back I have to let him go sometime though, he's nearly 9. He'll be starting high school in less than two years (and the thought terrifies me.)
How will he cope if he's never been allowed anywhere without me?!
There's a bigger shop a 2 minute walk away as well, but he's not going to that one just yet, as it's got a horrid road to cross.
I'm sure the mums who do let them go to the shop does their own risk assessment and sends them out accordingly.
I've got a chip shop within a two minute walk as well. Not planning on sending him there anytime soon, but I'd feel mightily pissed off some person took it upon themselves to think I was rubbish for letting him out.

Beaaware · 14/05/2012 22:49

left over roast beef omg, omg, omg fereaking out

Havingaminutespeace · 14/05/2012 22:52

Eh?! Think Beaaware is having a strange moment...

fluffypillow · 14/05/2012 22:52

My 9 yr old son has recently started going out on his own. Only to the local shop, or to a friends house, but it has done him the world of good. He is more confident in himself, and is getting loads of exercise on his scooter . I was uneasy at first, but he is sensible, and I think you have to start to 'let go' a bit at some point............it's hard though

Willowisp · 14/05/2012 22:54

I think you've got to do what suits you & be happy with it.

I recall I started walking home from school when I was 4th year juniors (a long time ago). I lived in a small village & was sensible/reliable (soon changed when I was 14/15 of course).

The worlds changed & dd1 is just about able to collect dd2 from her classroom, but is generally unable to remember her water bottle/homework/cardigan. She walks upstairs & forgets why she's there.

When I'm more confident in her ability, well, we'll see.

In the meantime, as she's at such a local school, there seems quite a few 'walking bus's heading to school, I'm assuming she start this when she's year 6 (cripes!)

startail · 14/05/2012 23:03

My village shop visiting 11 year old didn't ask, she handed me the garage keys. She may be old enough to go to the shop, but she can't quite lift the up and over door.

OvO · 14/05/2012 23:13

Hold on, hold on. What's jumping out at me from this thread is that's there's places where the chippy isn't open on a Sunday. What. The. Jeff? I feel like one of those people that find out about tabs on cling film. I'm in shock.

Oh and I send my 7 year old to the corner shop all the time. Going rate is one jelly snake. Bargain!

Kleptronic · 14/05/2012 23:16

Depends on the child. Mine's 8 and jumped in front of a man on a bike today, walking with me, because of playing a shadow game. The man swore. I got down the banks because I should have said the bike was coming, and known there was a game in progress. That one won't be going the shop alone any time soon.

somanymiles · 14/05/2012 23:19

My DS is 11 and I send him to the shops and quite long distances (30 mins walk) to music lessons etc. 8 does seem young to me but depends if you live somewhere quiet where everyone knows eachother or not. I walked to school when 7 years old but lived on a small town with only one main road. N

Noqontrol · 14/05/2012 23:19

Well my ds aren't nearly 9 so I wouldn't send them to the chippy. And if they were nearly 9 I still wouldn't send them to the chippy as its over 3 miles away. But if the chippy was 100 yards away and my Dc were nearly 9 then yes I would absolutely send them down there.

CheerfulYank · 15/05/2012 04:45

Seeker I may not have made my point well. Scaremongering was the furthest thing from my mind. (And the little girl was much more recent than ten years ago.)

I have said from the first the the OP WNBU. My son will walk to school himself when he's 6 and I would definitely send him to a store at 9...because I know that risks of abduction are next to none.

seeker · 15/05/2012 09:31

In what way is giving scary examples completly out of context not scaremongering?

Dropdeadfred · 15/05/2012 09:41

Statistics from qi must be such a comfort to those parents who have had the heartbreak of having it happen to them. Yes murder and abduction are rare - but they do still happen and its our choice whether we lessen those odds or decide that we can deal with them. Not every child who's been hurt or killed has been far from home in a busy city - quite the opposite

seeker · 15/05/2012 09:51

Of course statistics won't be a comfort to the people this most awful of things has happened to.

But it might make the rest of us think a little, be sensible in our calculation of risk, and let our children have the freedom and growing independence they need. And make us think before we decide making our children unnecessarily fearful of people and worried about their safety.

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