Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

to send a nearly 9 year old 100 yards down the road to the chip shop

235 replies

workshy · 13/05/2012 18:28

having left over roast beef and chips for tea but had no frozen chips in yes I know I'm a slattern but it is sunday so sent DD, who will be 9 next month down to the chippy which is on my road, to fetch a bag of chips

she was 'escorted' home by a woman who had happened to be in the chippy and though I was totally unreasonable to let her go to the chip shop by herself at that time of night (it was ten to six when she went)

have I totally lost it in my ability to make reasonable decisions about my child's safety or is she a nut job?

OP posts:

Notinmylife · 13/05/2012 20:27

I don't have a 9 year old yet but I certainly would expect an average 8 or 9 year old to be allowed out. Unfortunately people of all ages can have horrible things happen to them, it's not as if the risks disappear once you reach a certain age!

DowagersHump · 13/05/2012 20:36

Willow - bad things can happen to people at any age. I don't suppose Suzi Lamplugh's mother is any less devastated about what happened to her daughter than Sarah Payne's mother is.

Lovecat · 13/05/2012 20:38

Am v. jealous of all these people who have chippies open on a Sunday...

YANBU. I would only hesitate to let DD (7) go to the shops at the end of the road on her own because she would have 2 roads to cross and people drive like insane bastards down those roads (boy racers agogo round here). At 6 I was being sent down to the paper shop to get my dad's Benny Hennies for him... (ah, the 70's, what a golden age)

I let DD scoot up and down the road on her own (about 100 yards to the end) a few weekends ago. She loved it. Have to admit that I stood outside watching like a hawk, but she loved the freedom of it.

Now I just need to teach her some road sense. Which is easier said than done...

gafhyb · 13/05/2012 20:39

Emphatic - my oldest is going to Secondary in Sept and yours is off to University - God I must sound so patronising . Sorry

gafhyb · 13/05/2012 20:41

Wilow - I live in one of the most crime-ridden boroughs of London, albeit a nice, community within it. I need to equip my DCs to live here, hence allowing them to play out, and go to the shop on the corner. We love it here, it's a great place to live.

gafhyb · 13/05/2012 20:43

Blu - same here

Whoopydofoxpoo · 13/05/2012 20:52

SATS here too ! Perhaps should send him down the off licence chippy not open !

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 20:53

The woman sounds like a complete weirdo to me

I really feel sorry for kids who are continually kept in and not allowed out alone until senior school age.

How the fuck are they supposed to cope with the bubble wrap suddenly being torn off??

Most sensible parents would allow a child to build up their independence little by little.

No wonder there are so many road accidents involving 12yr olds....they probably have no idea how to get to school without holding Mummy's hand.

squeakytoy · 13/05/2012 20:57

I agree with Worra.

And abduction and murder of a child by a stranger is very very rare. That is why it makes the news and stays in our minds.

helenthemadex · 13/05/2012 20:57

its such a hard thing to know when to let them do stuff and you know your child best so yanbu

I dont think the woman was a nutter, sounds a bit of a worrier but its good to see that people do still watch out for others

YABU for having chips with beef, should be a blob of salad cream and a few slices of bread and butter

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2012 20:59

This woman doesn't sound as though she was looking out for the child...if she was I'm sure she would have watched her safely home.

Instead she chose to hoik her judgy pants up and tell the OP she thought she was unreasonable in what she chose to allow her own daughter to do.

Blu · 13/05/2012 21:19

oooh, yes, the off-licence!
Actually, maybe he could go to the 24 hour Asda..it is a bus ride, but the bus is door to door....

The thing that was judgey and unreasonable about the woman who followed her is that we all look out for children on the street, don't we? If I saw local kids in a shop or walking from the park and saw anything actually happen, I would be in there looking after them like a shot. The whole 'it takes a village' principle works like that. There is no need to make a point of following them and telling the parent unless something has happened, or they were in danger, or had been seen playing chicken in the road, or you had noticed someone driving slowly behind them or something. You just look out for kids naturally if they are on your radar.

maddening · 13/05/2012 21:20

does your daughter look younger? Maybe the lady thought she was smaller?

Original poster

workshy · 13/05/2012 21:23

no she looks older if anything

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/05/2012 21:27

chips do you no favours...you start by eating chips and then it's a slippery slope, before you know it you'll be smiling, happy and enjoying life, god forbid!

GreenEggsAndNichts · 13/05/2012 22:14

At 8-9 I was sent down to the corner shop (which wasn't actually on OUR corner, but 2 blocks away) regularly for cigarettes and other odds and ends. I also took the Metro on my own by the time I was 10.

YANBU. The problem is, it's so rare to see nowadays, people might think it's U. :(

lunamoon · 13/05/2012 22:26

It is absolutely fine to let your dd go.

Children are more at risk of being harmed by their own parents, fathers actually, than any other human on earth. Of course that is uncomfortable so the media keep avoiding it.
2 weeks ago a man killed his wife and child, he also thought he had killed his other daughter, but she survived. This was not far from me. It was on the local news once, that is all. It all gives out a very distorted view.
Sorry if this has already been said but it is the fact of the matter.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed your chips!

VolkswagenBeetle · 13/05/2012 22:34

YANBU, I won't let my 9 year old dd1 out on her own at all, but she has ASD. When DSD was 9, I never saw her, she was always playing out, going the shop on her own etc.

sashh · 14/05/2012 04:12

YABU - you didn't send DD to drop chips off with me.

Jnice · 14/05/2012 04:30

Yadnbu. I send my DS out to play in the neighbourhood at age 9. We live in a quiet area with no big roads. also sent him to library in his own when we were on the high street and he was bored of shopping. You know your dc.

scrablet · 14/05/2012 04:46

YANBU.
This is such a difficult issue, I try to give my 8yr old some independence, but my instinct is to keep her in eye line at all times. We were at the Botanics yesterday and the DDs were playing hide and seek. If one hid for longer than about 3 mins, I was on my feet panicking, calling for them. I despise myself for it, but my imagination is so REAL with its worst case scenarios.
She is gagging for some independence too, wee soul.

Ample · 14/05/2012 05:14

I wouldn't do it. There are other ways of giving children some independence at that age but each to their own I guess.

CheerfulYank · 14/05/2012 05:34

I don't see a problem with it, it really doesn't sound that far away!

FallenCaryatid · 14/05/2012 06:34

YANBU to let your DD go to the chippy, you know your child and the area you live in.
You are all being unreasonable to be so nasty about a woman who was worried about your daughter and wanted to know that she was safe. Yes, she interfered a bit and gave you an opinion you didn't like. Good thing she was friendly though, because your DD allowed herself to be escorted by a stranger and did nothing.

BalloonSlayer · 14/05/2012 06:48

I don't think there is a problem sending your DD but have you considered that she might have looked worried/lost/scared at that the woman was reacting to that rather than her just being on her own?

I have over the years become quite good about spotting lost children or ones whose parents have not collected them from school and have often stopped to ask if they are ok. They have that "tharn" look about them (From "Watership Down" it means a rabbit in the headlights) and I can pick it up immediately.

Just because your DD was happy when she left and happy when she got home, it doesn't mean she looked happy for the whole 100% of her mission.

I am not saying YABU for sending her, I am saying please do not judge the lady too harshly, I doubt she would have even noticed your daughter if she had been looking totally confident and happy.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10